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Parent Emeritus
Rebellious Obedience ...from a distance of course... because they're Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
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<blockquote data-quote="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow" data-source="post: 379741" data-attributes="member: 8405"><p>I know that a certain degree of "rebellion" can be considered normal by most for youngsters stepping into adulthood. That "normal rebellion" usually surfaces differently for children with various "conduct disorders" that we discuss on these boards. </p><p></p><p>I believe that even if a child is not officially diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) they may have something within the "spectrum" of attachment difficulties. </p><p></p><p>When my husband was trying to wrap his brain around our difficult child-s's behaviors I asked him to remember his own adolescence as a youngster raised by his step-father (who was the ONLY dad my husband ever knew!) I asked him if he ever remembered getting in his step-father's face stating something about him not being his "real Dad." </p><p></p><p>I was raised by both my biological parents. I felt my mother in particular favored my older sibling frequently. It was more than a feeling. She did. It was wrong... but it is what it is. Did that affect my attachment toward my own bio-mom... to some extent, yes. No where nearly to the extremes of my Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids but when I consider my own experiences "on steroids" I can begin to understand the mental status of my adopted difficult child-s.</p><p></p><p><strong>Mattsmom277</strong></p><p><u>Thanks for your input! I so totally appreciate your perspective from the "grown up" side of things!!!!!!!</u> </p><p></p><p><strong>Fran</strong></p><p>Our difficult child-s's behavior is far from honorable... there is more going on than them leading "productive unattached" lives. One of the key symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is they are aggressive against the parents who were there to raise and love them because they are upset at the "parents" who were not there in a healthy and loving relationship. Our children have been very aggressive against us. It is literally not safe for us to be in their presence until they come to their senses. </p><p></p><p> <strong>Nomad</strong></p><p>You are right it would still be horribly painful for us as loving attached parents if the ONLY issue was they were simply not attached to us and living successful lives. I know you know there is much more to the story. </p><p></p><p><strong><strong>toughlovin</strong></strong></p><p>You're Certainly not every adopted child develops Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or even any form of attachment disorder. I do however personally believe many more adoptees certainly may have it to some degree than are currently diagnosed!!! You and Nomad are right to discuss genetic pre-disposition. I believe it all plays a part in our difficult child-s make up. Attachment, biology, genetics family history of mental illness and addiction... etc.</p><p></p><p>Over all we don't believe our difficult child-s are on drugs... I do recognize it's possible for us to be in denial regarding that. After all, our daughter's meltdown was triggered by us asking about "legally obtained" drug-related-paraphernalia she was overtly displaying in our home. I believe it all was a manipulation tool she used to instigate a ruckus as is typical for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) behavior...</p><p></p><p>Truthfully we cannot say for sure that she never did and still does not partake in illegal substances. We know she certainly does drink! Her longest lasting friends are her frequently drunk "drinking buddies" and all those relationships are very superficial.</p><p></p><p>True, our difficult child's are not on skid-row... they are not squeaky clean either. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I'm glad it's not any "worse" than it is...</p><p></p><p>Could be worse, yes! </p><p></p><p>Could be better, DEFINATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheyAreLegallyAdultsNow, post: 379741, member: 8405"] I know that a certain degree of "rebellion" can be considered normal by most for youngsters stepping into adulthood. That "normal rebellion" usually surfaces differently for children with various "conduct disorders" that we discuss on these boards. I believe that even if a child is not officially diagnosed with Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) they may have something within the "spectrum" of attachment difficulties. When my husband was trying to wrap his brain around our difficult child-s's behaviors I asked him to remember his own adolescence as a youngster raised by his step-father (who was the ONLY dad my husband ever knew!) I asked him if he ever remembered getting in his step-father's face stating something about him not being his "real Dad." I was raised by both my biological parents. I felt my mother in particular favored my older sibling frequently. It was more than a feeling. She did. It was wrong... but it is what it is. Did that affect my attachment toward my own bio-mom... to some extent, yes. No where nearly to the extremes of my Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) kids but when I consider my own experiences "on steroids" I can begin to understand the mental status of my adopted difficult child-s. [B]Mattsmom277[/B] [U]Thanks for your input! I so totally appreciate your perspective from the "grown up" side of things!!!!!!![/U] [B]Fran[/B] Our difficult child-s's behavior is far from honorable... there is more going on than them leading "productive unattached" lives. One of the key symptoms of Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) is they are aggressive against the parents who were there to raise and love them because they are upset at the "parents" who were not there in a healthy and loving relationship. Our children have been very aggressive against us. It is literally not safe for us to be in their presence until they come to their senses. [B]Nomad[/B] You are right it would still be horribly painful for us as loving attached parents if the ONLY issue was they were simply not attached to us and living successful lives. I know you know there is much more to the story. [B][B]toughlovin[/B][/B] You're Certainly not every adopted child develops Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) or even any form of attachment disorder. I do however personally believe many more adoptees certainly may have it to some degree than are currently diagnosed!!! You and Nomad are right to discuss genetic pre-disposition. I believe it all plays a part in our difficult child-s make up. Attachment, biology, genetics family history of mental illness and addiction... etc. Over all we don't believe our difficult child-s are on drugs... I do recognize it's possible for us to be in denial regarding that. After all, our daughter's meltdown was triggered by us asking about "legally obtained" drug-related-paraphernalia she was overtly displaying in our home. I believe it all was a manipulation tool she used to instigate a ruckus as is typical for Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) behavior... Truthfully we cannot say for sure that she never did and still does not partake in illegal substances. We know she certainly does drink! Her longest lasting friends are her frequently drunk "drinking buddies" and all those relationships are very superficial. True, our difficult child's are not on skid-row... they are not squeaky clean either. Yes, I'm glad it's not any "worse" than it is... Could be worse, yes! Could be better, DEFINATELY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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Rebellious Obedience ...from a distance of course... because they're Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD)
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