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Family of Origin
Relationship Patterns / Dysfunctional FOO Issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 670605" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>Good Morning, Everybody</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>As I have healed, I have learned two very important things through my relationships ~ to D H, to my children and grands, to my rotten, shunning prone, forever messed up Family of Origin. In absentia, in the case of my FOO, as I am being shunned again.</p><p></p><p>What. These people have nothing better to do?!?</p><p></p><p>Copa posted to me that maybe I am still quite the focus for my FOO, especially in absentia. Good, I say.</p><p></p><p>roar</p><p></p><p>Where was I going with this. What were the two things I learned?</p><p></p><p>Huh.</p><p></p><p>Well, I don't remember what they were. But I do know this: I am coming to cherish and smile at myself so much of the time, now. This is what healed to this degree feels like. This is what internal locus of control to this degree feels like. I watch myself be so angry and I can't help but laugh at the intensity of it. Or I become aware of sputtering word searches for worse bad words and it seems hilarious to be me. But I keep word searching.</p><p></p><p>How funny is that?</p><p></p><p>So, I would like to begin progressing along those paths, again.</p><p></p><p>In any event, everybody, especially now that we know Serenity (SWOT) is doing well, I am all at once refocusing on my FOO. (Hats off to nlj. You know what I am picturing with that sentence. :O) </p><p></p><p>For heaven's sake.</p><p></p><p>I would like to continue researching and learning and progressing in our understanding of how we perceive as we do, and in our learning to cherish and forgive and celebrate our selves; to celebrate the self that we are, and the wonder of having a life, of being alive, and the simplest sincerity that is presence.</p><p></p><p>So, here is some research about those very things. I would like the emphasis of this thread to be the changing quality of our relationships, to other people but most crucially <em>to ourselves </em>as we heal. I believe that we (women) set the emotional tones of our relationships. If and when we truly want them changed...they change. I could be all wet on this theory, because look what happened with my Family of Origin when I said "I've changed. I will be requiring different behaviors from you in future."</p><p></p><p>This has not gone well for me.</p><p></p><p>Everyone in my FOO turned Monty Python and essentially, told me exactly what I could do with my Grail quest.</p><p></p><p>Or roar, how embarrassing.</p><p></p><p>But now that I am through it, oh, the difference in the way I see myself, and in the way I understand the world to work.</p><p></p><p><a href="https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/culturally-speaking/201303/overcoming-the-pain-childhood-abuse-and-neglect" target="_blank">https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/culturally-speaking/201303/overcoming-the-pain-childhood-abuse-and-neglect</a></p><p></p><p>Here are quotes on Abuse Recovery.</p><p></p><p><a href="http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/abuse-recovery" target="_blank">http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/abuse-recovery</a></p><p></p><p>Here is Monty Python, which can work for our changing relationships in all aspects of our lives, not just FOO.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]9V7zbWNznbs[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>Here is Rocky, because none of this is easy. We will need to be brave, and determined. We must be patient and kind to ourselves, and have mercy for our mistakes.</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]I33u_EHLI3w[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 670605, member: 17461"] Good Morning, Everybody :O) As I have healed, I have learned two very important things through my relationships ~ to D H, to my children and grands, to my rotten, shunning prone, forever messed up Family of Origin. In absentia, in the case of my FOO, as I am being shunned again. What. These people have nothing better to do?!? Copa posted to me that maybe I am still quite the focus for my FOO, especially in absentia. Good, I say. roar Where was I going with this. What were the two things I learned? Huh. Well, I don't remember what they were. But I do know this: I am coming to cherish and smile at myself so much of the time, now. This is what healed to this degree feels like. This is what internal locus of control to this degree feels like. I watch myself be so angry and I can't help but laugh at the intensity of it. Or I become aware of sputtering word searches for worse bad words and it seems hilarious to be me. But I keep word searching. How funny is that? So, I would like to begin progressing along those paths, again. In any event, everybody, especially now that we know Serenity (SWOT) is doing well, I am all at once refocusing on my FOO. (Hats off to nlj. You know what I am picturing with that sentence. :O) For heaven's sake. I would like to continue researching and learning and progressing in our understanding of how we perceive as we do, and in our learning to cherish and forgive and celebrate our selves; to celebrate the self that we are, and the wonder of having a life, of being alive, and the simplest sincerity that is presence. So, here is some research about those very things. I would like the emphasis of this thread to be the changing quality of our relationships, to other people but most crucially [I]to ourselves [/I]as we heal. I believe that we (women) set the emotional tones of our relationships. If and when we truly want them changed...they change. I could be all wet on this theory, because look what happened with my Family of Origin when I said "I've changed. I will be requiring different behaviors from you in future." This has not gone well for me. Everyone in my FOO turned Monty Python and essentially, told me exactly what I could do with my Grail quest. Or roar, how embarrassing. But now that I am through it, oh, the difference in the way I see myself, and in the way I understand the world to work. [URL]https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/culturally-speaking/201303/overcoming-the-pain-childhood-abuse-and-neglect[/URL] Here are quotes on Abuse Recovery. [URL]http://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/abuse-recovery[/URL] Here is Monty Python, which can work for our changing relationships in all aspects of our lives, not just FOO. [MEDIA=youtube]9V7zbWNznbs[/MEDIA] Here is Rocky, because none of this is easy. We will need to be brave, and determined. We must be patient and kind to ourselves, and have mercy for our mistakes. [MEDIA=youtube]I33u_EHLI3w[/MEDIA] Cedar [/QUOTE]
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