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Family of Origin
Relationship Patterns / Dysfunctional FOO Issues
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 670721" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Copa I think that just through the wondering of it, and the work of examining your reasons as to "why you are on strike from life" is a giant step in a direction that will be helpful to you.</p><p></p><p>To look back at painful times is a difficult thing.</p><p>Change is a difficult thing.</p><p>You are strong and accomplished and brave Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is what I try to tell the hubs. The delivery is quite lacking, when there is any communication.</p><p>Direct and powerful, comes across at times as demeaning and demanding.</p><p>The hubs can turn off the Chinese waitress voice when he is speaking on the phone or talking with strangers.</p><p>Do we become comfortable old house slippers? Is this somehow a form of cruel compliment that men speak to us as they do?</p><p>Having "conquered" us by becoming their mates, is it no longer necessary to attempt to be nice, soothing, respectful?</p><p>I have asked these same questions Copa. The hubs has become grumpier with age and time. I think he takes it for granted we have been together so long.</p><p>I had to show the hubs and myself that I was worthy of much more.</p><p></p><p>This does not mean that he changed, I changed. And I am still changing.</p><p></p><p></p><p>It is the Towanda effect. </p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]71Ai_3_XfPA[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>Now I don't recommend crashing repeatedly into someones car (though, darn it looks like fun and some people really deserve that lesson!) Or, breaking down walls in the house. Growing in confidence, breaking the shackles of roles and patterning, yes. Not allowing people to walk all over me, emphatically yes.</p><p></p><p></p><p>What I have found from these many years with the hubs is that men don't change when we ask them. </p><p></p><p><em>We </em>can change in how we react and respond to them.</p><p> I used to get all tied up in knots and frustrated, my innards twisting with his intensity and tension. </p><p></p><p>Then, I learned how to "create the bubble" and let his mood swings bounce off, to stop reacting to them. </p><p>It is freeing, not to be so entrenched. If he is going to be sharp and curt with me, out of the room, I go.</p><p>And it puzzles him. I have become a mystery to him. </p><p></p><p>Be the mystery. Be yourself. Value yourself and love yourself. </p><p>Because in the end all of it, the only people we can change is ourselves.</p><p></p><p>TOWANDA!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 670721, member: 19522"] Copa I think that just through the wondering of it, and the work of examining your reasons as to "why you are on strike from life" is a giant step in a direction that will be helpful to you. To look back at painful times is a difficult thing. Change is a difficult thing. You are strong and accomplished and brave Copa. This is what I try to tell the hubs. The delivery is quite lacking, when there is any communication. Direct and powerful, comes across at times as demeaning and demanding. The hubs can turn off the Chinese waitress voice when he is speaking on the phone or talking with strangers. Do we become comfortable old house slippers? Is this somehow a form of cruel compliment that men speak to us as they do? Having "conquered" us by becoming their mates, is it no longer necessary to attempt to be nice, soothing, respectful? I have asked these same questions Copa. The hubs has become grumpier with age and time. I think he takes it for granted we have been together so long. I had to show the hubs and myself that I was worthy of much more. This does not mean that he changed, I changed. And I am still changing. It is the Towanda effect. [MEDIA=youtube]71Ai_3_XfPA[/MEDIA] Now I don't recommend crashing repeatedly into someones car (though, darn it looks like fun and some people really deserve that lesson!) Or, breaking down walls in the house. Growing in confidence, breaking the shackles of roles and patterning, yes. Not allowing people to walk all over me, emphatically yes. What I have found from these many years with the hubs is that men don't change when we ask them. [I]We [/I]can change in how we react and respond to them. I used to get all tied up in knots and frustrated, my innards twisting with his intensity and tension. Then, I learned how to "create the bubble" and let his mood swings bounce off, to stop reacting to them. It is freeing, not to be so entrenched. If he is going to be sharp and curt with me, out of the room, I go. And it puzzles him. I have become a mystery to him. Be the mystery. Be yourself. Value yourself and love yourself. Because in the end all of it, the only people we can change is ourselves. TOWANDA! [/QUOTE]
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