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Relationship Patterns / Dysfunctional FOO Issues
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 670739" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>I am glad you enjoyed the clip, I love the movie Fried Green Tomatoes.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Your life is so different now Copa.</p><p></p><p>Yes Copa, this is so true. It is a constant, beautiful struggle, this relationship thing. We each come into it with our own experiences and perspectives. Then there is the great difference between men and women. Men can be hard to understand.</p><p> In your postings of M, it sounds to me that he loves you very much, Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is the hubs, too. Except he is not "wordy". He tires quickly at emoting. It seems as if sometimes, he tries to draw me into battle, he wants to whip up my feelings, toying with me. I have to be careful not to fall into that trap.</p><p>I think that is from his FOO, very troubled times, they had. He wants better for his children, but at times the patterns came through, as if he needed to re-feel the drama of his past. Strange.</p><p>Hubs can be downright mean, extremes he goes to. I let him know when he is wrong. At times, I leave the house, because I know his mood is bad. Full moons, I can expect some drama from him.</p><p>He has diabetes, and when his blood sugar is low, he is very crabby, this he cannot help. So I try to get him to eat, and then wait. He has health issues and does not have the vitality of his youth. I know this bothers him. I think we all struggle with aging. How did it happen so fast?</p><p></p><p> I feel the same Copa, then I realized what I was afraid of, was my reaction to his moods, how I could sink so quickly with his outbursts, or his sullenness. I had to change that.</p><p></p><p>Yes, Copa, it is a lot of work and soul searching to be in a long term relationship. How different this must be for you, having lived your life so long by yourself. You must love M very much.</p><p></p><p>This is good Copa, seeing this.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Good Copa, that is good resolve. A little at a time. Healing is hard work.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, we all long for partnership. In this age, men are not supposed to "Lord" over women. Compromise and understanding. You have come so far Copa, you will get there.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You are not your mother. In your posts here on CD, I see your empathy and compassion for others. I am sure the same good energy, you bring to your relationship.</p><p></p><p>It is okay to wonder who we are. We are in a different rite of passage when our parents pass. It becomes a whole new era, a time of discovery.</p><p></p><p>Shopping therapy, that's what my sister and I call it. Mom was a shopper. From one of your posts, you mentioned your Mom shopping and trying things on, while you watched your sister. Do we learn this from our Mothers? Is it a feminine trait, man the hunter, we the gatherers? Is it a deep subconscious need, or are we victims of the world of consumerism, convinced by advertising, subliminal, and outlandish, that if we just had this or that, we would be better?</p><p></p><p>You are in a cocoon, waiting to blossom into your butterfly self, Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I know this feeling Copa.</p><p>My issue is the picture in my head does match the image in the mirror.</p><p>What does aging gracefully mean?</p><p>How do I view myself, dress myself, when I do not recognize that lady in the mirror?</p><p></p><p></p><p>I am sorry, that all sounds very yummy to me. I love silver. I must look up Fruit Salad? Aurora Borealis?</p><p>I do know this feeling of making purchases that somehow, momentarily fill an emptiness, it is the excitement of getting it, not having it, or even needing it.</p><p>I struggle with this too, Copa.</p><p></p><p></p><p>My Nana was well put together. Matching jewelry sets, hair always done up, matching shoes, purses.</p><p>Fashion, style. I have noticed the industry is continually changing the "look" to get us to buy more, to keep up with the styles. Now, I go for the bohemian, the aging hippy, I am. Oh, and I want to be comfortable, too.</p><p></p><p>It is okay, Copa. You are seeing this, writing of it. Part of healing and changing is recognizing that.</p><p></p><p>You were creating a future for yourself, with stuff. The future was in you, all of the time, and it still is, Copa. We fall victim to the imagery advertisement poses. Trying to fill the empty spaces. When all along we are avoiding addressing what we are trying to fill. The more we buy, the less we are fulfilled, the more we buy. It becomes a vicious cycle of patterning.</p><p>In writing of this, you and I, we, can conquer the habit, or put it to good use and become personal shoppers (joking).</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>You have done a lot of work here Copa, and you have made me look at myself. Thank you for that. It is a good thing.</p><p>Poor Amazon, not my friend anymore.</p><p></p><p> You are hard on yourself, Copa, I am sure you are still most beautiful.</p><p></p><p></p><p>You have much more life left in you Copa. And you can have more, the world is your oyster.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I love these women, they really like themselves, and don't seem to worry what others think.</p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]-l97lvbFaxo[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>I want to watch this documentary-these ladies fascinate me.</p><p></p><p>and this</p><p></p><p>[MEDIA=youtube]4PgTI1cwpfk[/MEDIA]</p><p></p><p>I am going to continue to work at downsizing and looking through my "stuff" and cleaning out my house.</p><p>I am going to look at doing, rather than buying.</p><p>I do not have much money anyway.</p><p>Art museums, walks on the beach, painting, drawing, sculpting, writing.</p><p></p><p>My hubs, will be very happy with that.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 670739, member: 19522"] I am glad you enjoyed the clip, I love the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. Your life is so different now Copa. Yes Copa, this is so true. It is a constant, beautiful struggle, this relationship thing. We each come into it with our own experiences and perspectives. Then there is the great difference between men and women. Men can be hard to understand. In your postings of M, it sounds to me that he loves you very much, Copa. This is the hubs, too. Except he is not "wordy". He tires quickly at emoting. It seems as if sometimes, he tries to draw me into battle, he wants to whip up my feelings, toying with me. I have to be careful not to fall into that trap. I think that is from his FOO, very troubled times, they had. He wants better for his children, but at times the patterns came through, as if he needed to re-feel the drama of his past. Strange. Hubs can be downright mean, extremes he goes to. I let him know when he is wrong. At times, I leave the house, because I know his mood is bad. Full moons, I can expect some drama from him. He has diabetes, and when his blood sugar is low, he is very crabby, this he cannot help. So I try to get him to eat, and then wait. He has health issues and does not have the vitality of his youth. I know this bothers him. I think we all struggle with aging. How did it happen so fast? I feel the same Copa, then I realized what I was afraid of, was my reaction to his moods, how I could sink so quickly with his outbursts, or his sullenness. I had to change that. Yes, Copa, it is a lot of work and soul searching to be in a long term relationship. How different this must be for you, having lived your life so long by yourself. You must love M very much. This is good Copa, seeing this. Good Copa, that is good resolve. A little at a time. Healing is hard work. Yes, we all long for partnership. In this age, men are not supposed to "Lord" over women. Compromise and understanding. You have come so far Copa, you will get there. You are not your mother. In your posts here on CD, I see your empathy and compassion for others. I am sure the same good energy, you bring to your relationship. It is okay to wonder who we are. We are in a different rite of passage when our parents pass. It becomes a whole new era, a time of discovery. Shopping therapy, that's what my sister and I call it. Mom was a shopper. From one of your posts, you mentioned your Mom shopping and trying things on, while you watched your sister. Do we learn this from our Mothers? Is it a feminine trait, man the hunter, we the gatherers? Is it a deep subconscious need, or are we victims of the world of consumerism, convinced by advertising, subliminal, and outlandish, that if we just had this or that, we would be better? You are in a cocoon, waiting to blossom into your butterfly self, Copa. I know this feeling Copa. My issue is the picture in my head does match the image in the mirror. What does aging gracefully mean? How do I view myself, dress myself, when I do not recognize that lady in the mirror? I am sorry, that all sounds very yummy to me. I love silver. I must look up Fruit Salad? Aurora Borealis? I do know this feeling of making purchases that somehow, momentarily fill an emptiness, it is the excitement of getting it, not having it, or even needing it. I struggle with this too, Copa. My Nana was well put together. Matching jewelry sets, hair always done up, matching shoes, purses. Fashion, style. I have noticed the industry is continually changing the "look" to get us to buy more, to keep up with the styles. Now, I go for the bohemian, the aging hippy, I am. Oh, and I want to be comfortable, too. It is okay, Copa. You are seeing this, writing of it. Part of healing and changing is recognizing that. You were creating a future for yourself, with stuff. The future was in you, all of the time, and it still is, Copa. We fall victim to the imagery advertisement poses. Trying to fill the empty spaces. When all along we are avoiding addressing what we are trying to fill. The more we buy, the less we are fulfilled, the more we buy. It becomes a vicious cycle of patterning. In writing of this, you and I, we, can conquer the habit, or put it to good use and become personal shoppers (joking). You have done a lot of work here Copa, and you have made me look at myself. Thank you for that. It is a good thing. Poor Amazon, not my friend anymore. You are hard on yourself, Copa, I am sure you are still most beautiful. You have much more life left in you Copa. And you can have more, the world is your oyster. I love these women, they really like themselves, and don't seem to worry what others think. [MEDIA=youtube]-l97lvbFaxo[/MEDIA] I want to watch this documentary-these ladies fascinate me. and this [MEDIA=youtube]4PgTI1cwpfk[/MEDIA] I am going to continue to work at downsizing and looking through my "stuff" and cleaning out my house. I am going to look at doing, rather than buying. I do not have much money anyway. Art museums, walks on the beach, painting, drawing, sculpting, writing. My hubs, will be very happy with that. [/QUOTE]
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