Hi Cedar
Up way too early for any good thing to come of it for the day ahead, I am.
But, I have spent the better part of my insomnia, resulting from dropping on the couch in the afternoon hours and falling into a deep sleep too early, only to arise dazed and groggy, to see and respond to, our dear fellow warrior, Feelings post. It distressed me a lot.
In her, I see myself, before. I am be-five now, or maybe even be-six. This I say, because I was at one point, worrying, worrying over my two, an all consuming, twisty turny, swirly whirly of worry. I could not get through the day without thinking of the dire straits they, or my grandchildren, were in.
It was life-preventing for me.
I ranted a bit Cedar, because I see from her posts and writings the struggle. So, I wrestle with my need to share with her, to "spontaneously" respond in hopes that she will go from before-to be-five,be-six, to infinity and beyond. To find peace. But I know that our dear sister Feeling will come to that in her own time.
The peace. The peace that I am finding, even as my mother is so very ill, even though my two are out there, somewhere.
Peace is important.Yes Feeling, I know you are reading this-you deserve peace, and you Copa, and Cedar, and all of us.
This peace appears to be possessed by these older women in the videos and photos.
Yes Cedar, it is awareness and choice. To take whatever life has thrown our way, or throws our way with a certain Je ne sais quoi. Literally "I don't know what". Truly, what do we know?
In the quoting of that, and "Que sera, sera" ,"it is what it is", "there by the grace of G-d go I", the truth of it all is, the simple truth, we can only control our reactions, and we are ultimately responsible for our own self value, self respect. I do believe the work we do in FOO chronicles helps to take us down a different road towards understanding the what, why, how of who we are, and eventually helps us
to become unto our own.
Yes, Cedar, this is what I wish for all of us here, and especially for my sister warriors. For as we communicate and expound through cyber space I feel a unique bond. Vibrantly, beautifully, lovingly alive. In spite of FOO, our D c's, the future, alive.
I have come up with a saying, a mantra for myself in the morning,
The past, a lesson, the present, a gift, the future, unknown.
Heh, heh, I said silently to myself, surely she has had some work done, or photoshopped, but, yes, still a beautiful woman. It is not just the outward beauty, but the way she carries herself. Confidence.
Yes Cedar, that is where we are going.
Here is another beautiful, fascinating woman, that despite many tragedies in life, was completely, awe inspiringly, herself.
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To us, and all of those struggling out there, Towanda.
Howl.
Roar.
Ha-the breath of life.
Go steadfastly into your becoming.
Leafy