I like this very much, Leafy. The past, a lesson.... So, as we have come through the intensity of sharing and pain represented in our FOO Chronicles postings, I stumbled onto something so simply true that I had missed it, all of my life. For one reason or another, and I think the reason is that old bugaboo shame, we see ourselves and our pasts through the emotional tinge of the abuser's interpretations of us. Those truths we learned from their eyes as they justified what they did, to us and to themselves and to everyone in their lives, color our interpretations of us in our pasts and this colors our perceptions of our futures.
Who we believe we are is who we will be.
The past, a lesson....
This is extraordinary. I will be reviewing my memories for the tastes of contempt and shame and disordered thinking and the rotten, rolling abuser eyes. Ha! No wonder I am so mad all the time these days. I have so much to be angry about. Most of it turns out to have been a choice, all along. A choice of vision. Fortunate in that this is true, we can review and rename and resee and reclaim.
:O)
I will be swearing in Chinese waitress/Hawaiian the entire time, you guys.
I can say really bad words and, since I don't know either Hawaiian or Chinese waitress? Never once judge myself for thinking like that.
Now, that's efficiency!
Okay. So...Chinese waitress avatar:
Oh, wait. That is American Cedar avatar.
Ha! YES. This will be Hawaiian / Chinese waitress avatar, because if I knew what I was saying, I would never allow a breath of it.
Cedar
:O)
