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Relief at finding a site like this, does my situation fit?
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 567427" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Hi Appleseed. Just to play devil's advocate a little, I wonder how someone who was closer to this boy would describe him? Surprising that people haven't insisted he get these evaluations and presumably a diagnosis along the way... He seems to cope alright at school, which is interesting. </p><p>What makes me think of this is my knowledge that if someone who had no liking for or interest in my son were to describe him based on some of his behaviours, it would make a pretty devastating picture. Okay he's six to your partner's son 10 but quite honestly I'm not expecting these behaviours to go away any time soon. I think he would certainly be called manipulative and egotistical. But because I'm close to him and live with him all the time, I see firstly that he can't really help much of this stuff which is due to almost non-existent impulse control and then secondly that he has a generous heart, loves to help people, tries to please some of the time, etc, etc. The thing is, none of here on an internet forum can give a diagnosis from afar and none of us are on the ground to really see. I appreciate that the behaviour is very worrying in terms of how it impacts on your daughters and your fears about the new baby. Really I am asking whether this child has, in all objectivity, another side that can be called on and worked with. Positive reinforcement works wonders with ODD-type children.</p><p>The background is complex and I quite understand that you feel it's not really your business to deal with it... unfortunately though the boy is part of the package of your husband, if I can put it like that. He may or may not have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but cutting him our of your lives completely seems a very drastic option. I can understand your husband's point, to be honest. While also understanding your feelings. I also appreciate that you generously tried to help the boy and the situation and that you feel this didn't work. I feel you should be adamant that your partner acts upon the strategies advised in the relationship counselling. You cannot really ask him to choose between you and his own son. It may have to be you who does the radical choosing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 567427, member: 11227"] Hi Appleseed. Just to play devil's advocate a little, I wonder how someone who was closer to this boy would describe him? Surprising that people haven't insisted he get these evaluations and presumably a diagnosis along the way... He seems to cope alright at school, which is interesting. What makes me think of this is my knowledge that if someone who had no liking for or interest in my son were to describe him based on some of his behaviours, it would make a pretty devastating picture. Okay he's six to your partner's son 10 but quite honestly I'm not expecting these behaviours to go away any time soon. I think he would certainly be called manipulative and egotistical. But because I'm close to him and live with him all the time, I see firstly that he can't really help much of this stuff which is due to almost non-existent impulse control and then secondly that he has a generous heart, loves to help people, tries to please some of the time, etc, etc. The thing is, none of here on an internet forum can give a diagnosis from afar and none of us are on the ground to really see. I appreciate that the behaviour is very worrying in terms of how it impacts on your daughters and your fears about the new baby. Really I am asking whether this child has, in all objectivity, another side that can be called on and worked with. Positive reinforcement works wonders with ODD-type children. The background is complex and I quite understand that you feel it's not really your business to deal with it... unfortunately though the boy is part of the package of your husband, if I can put it like that. He may or may not have Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD), but cutting him our of your lives completely seems a very drastic option. I can understand your husband's point, to be honest. While also understanding your feelings. I also appreciate that you generously tried to help the boy and the situation and that you feel this didn't work. I feel you should be adamant that your partner acts upon the strategies advised in the relationship counselling. You cannot really ask him to choose between you and his own son. It may have to be you who does the radical choosing. [/QUOTE]
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