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Relief at finding a site like this, does my situation fit?
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<blockquote data-quote="Appleseed" data-source="post: 567511" data-attributes="member: 15646"><p>Thanks, I genuinely appreciate the advice and opinions.</p><p>(I have replied to several other posts ladies - I appreciate all your responses, still very new so posts are moderated so I'm guessing my replies will appear later.)</p><p></p><p>I tried to write my first post with some (admittedly limited) neutrality, in order to get the best and most even response. I feel reasonably certain that you've all confirmed what I thought and I'm willing to have faith in your opinions because you have knowledge and experience.</p><p>I have posted on a standard parenting forum previously and was absolutely ripped to shreds because so very few of the parents could relate to the experiences I've had. They deemed me to be mentally ill, unfair, evil etc and it worried me. To have found a site where you all appear to have genuine knowledge and experience hopefully indicates I'm not making a huge mistake here. I don't want to fix things with the son, nor with the father really. I have my own responsibility and I'm essentially looking to check I'm not acting a bit loco in my own way.</p><p>I will regard myself as fortunate if perhaps I don't 'need' to come back and post again. It would hopefully be because I don't have to deal with the child who I believe has issues.</p><p>I have spoken to my partner about access/visitation and about supervising everything. He has reluctantly agreed not to let the baby out of his sight as he knows full well I don't want contact with his son. How that will pan out in the long term is yet to be known but I'm not afraid to restrict access on terms of safety.</p><p></p><p>After a number of recent issues surrounding my partners inability to face up to things I'm very much on the edge of reducing our relationship purely to co-parenting and maybe friendship. Our baby was conceived just a few days before I ended the relationship earlier in the year and we've really only tried to make it work because of the baby. I'm aware this is a tenuous link between us, I feel I've been doing the right thing - to try. But he's causing unnecessary strain and tension and that's without the stuff about his son.</p><p>We had a huge talk about it all and he still could not see why I'm so determined to protect my daughters but coincidentally I received a message indicating a boy at school had hurt one of my daughters in the same way his son had (during a swimming lesson) and he was shocked. (My daughter was fine by the way and none the worse off for her experience thankfully) For the first time he could see why I'm so against being anywhere near his son. However, that was one incident and the rest he has forgotten/ become vague about or chooses to interpret some other way.</p><p></p><p>He has indicated to everyone he knows that his son and I 'just don't get on'. So the advice he has been receiving has been ill advised because he's so embarrassed to admit how badly his son has behaved. I've insisted he stops deceiving people. Surely if he's so embarrassed he must realise how bad the behaviour is? If he dare not admit it to friends and family how can he get balanced advice on what to do? So, he strangely went and confessed everything to his ex wife, her parents and one friend. His ex wife (the lush) disagreed with it all, she won't have a bad word spoken about her son but then can't wait to get rid of him, speaks badly of him, prefers alcohol and facebook to parenting etc. Her parents said he's just being a boy. And the friend, who is the boys godfather and has said to me many times that he was evil, badly behaved and told me so many stories of how the son has spoiled holidays and visits etc etc etc also said he thought I was wrong. This really puzzled me. However, I now gather that he's a person who tells the listener what they want to hear.</p><p>So, to add insult to injury, I don't think my partner will ever hear the truth from anyone else. So he'll never get any support.</p><p></p><p>I try to tell myself that there's a reason for all of this, why I'm tied in some way to this man when I was completely ready to end all contact with him and move on. What that reason will be I have yet to discover but I shall look on the positive side and hope that it's something wonderful.</p><p>Thankyou all for your time and effort in replying.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Appleseed, post: 567511, member: 15646"] Thanks, I genuinely appreciate the advice and opinions. (I have replied to several other posts ladies - I appreciate all your responses, still very new so posts are moderated so I'm guessing my replies will appear later.) I tried to write my first post with some (admittedly limited) neutrality, in order to get the best and most even response. I feel reasonably certain that you've all confirmed what I thought and I'm willing to have faith in your opinions because you have knowledge and experience. I have posted on a standard parenting forum previously and was absolutely ripped to shreds because so very few of the parents could relate to the experiences I've had. They deemed me to be mentally ill, unfair, evil etc and it worried me. To have found a site where you all appear to have genuine knowledge and experience hopefully indicates I'm not making a huge mistake here. I don't want to fix things with the son, nor with the father really. I have my own responsibility and I'm essentially looking to check I'm not acting a bit loco in my own way. I will regard myself as fortunate if perhaps I don't 'need' to come back and post again. It would hopefully be because I don't have to deal with the child who I believe has issues. I have spoken to my partner about access/visitation and about supervising everything. He has reluctantly agreed not to let the baby out of his sight as he knows full well I don't want contact with his son. How that will pan out in the long term is yet to be known but I'm not afraid to restrict access on terms of safety. After a number of recent issues surrounding my partners inability to face up to things I'm very much on the edge of reducing our relationship purely to co-parenting and maybe friendship. Our baby was conceived just a few days before I ended the relationship earlier in the year and we've really only tried to make it work because of the baby. I'm aware this is a tenuous link between us, I feel I've been doing the right thing - to try. But he's causing unnecessary strain and tension and that's without the stuff about his son. We had a huge talk about it all and he still could not see why I'm so determined to protect my daughters but coincidentally I received a message indicating a boy at school had hurt one of my daughters in the same way his son had (during a swimming lesson) and he was shocked. (My daughter was fine by the way and none the worse off for her experience thankfully) For the first time he could see why I'm so against being anywhere near his son. However, that was one incident and the rest he has forgotten/ become vague about or chooses to interpret some other way. He has indicated to everyone he knows that his son and I 'just don't get on'. So the advice he has been receiving has been ill advised because he's so embarrassed to admit how badly his son has behaved. I've insisted he stops deceiving people. Surely if he's so embarrassed he must realise how bad the behaviour is? If he dare not admit it to friends and family how can he get balanced advice on what to do? So, he strangely went and confessed everything to his ex wife, her parents and one friend. His ex wife (the lush) disagreed with it all, she won't have a bad word spoken about her son but then can't wait to get rid of him, speaks badly of him, prefers alcohol and facebook to parenting etc. Her parents said he's just being a boy. And the friend, who is the boys godfather and has said to me many times that he was evil, badly behaved and told me so many stories of how the son has spoiled holidays and visits etc etc etc also said he thought I was wrong. This really puzzled me. However, I now gather that he's a person who tells the listener what they want to hear. So, to add insult to injury, I don't think my partner will ever hear the truth from anyone else. So he'll never get any support. I try to tell myself that there's a reason for all of this, why I'm tied in some way to this man when I was completely ready to end all contact with him and move on. What that reason will be I have yet to discover but I shall look on the positive side and hope that it's something wonderful. Thankyou all for your time and effort in replying. [/QUOTE]
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