Remind me not to do this again next year .....

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by TeDo, Dec 30, 2012.

  1. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    but I gotta feel sorry for the kid. A little background. difficult child 1 is in Boy Scouts. The weekend after Christmas, the troop heads to a cabin 2 hours from here. Last year was his first (he'd been out of psychiatric hospital for 2 months) time there. It was a nightmare. I was getting calls from him and the leaders all week-end. He had to sleep in a room with a kid that was puking sick (even puked on difficult child 1's pillowcase). They didn't know HIM well at all or what he'd been through and handled things waaaaay wrong. They didn't have anything but "smelly" water to drink. He didn't get much sleep (20-25 teenage boys away from home, hmmmm). Anyway, recipe for disaster!

    This year, the leaders have gotten to know him better and have asked me questions. The one has really seemed to have gotten it. I was hopeful. They know he needs his sleep. I send food and beverages along for him. AND he was excited to be using the new backpack and sleeping bag I got him for Christmas. He called me yesterday morning to let me know they were getting ready to go ice fishing and told me the one leader had been reminding him to take his medications (YEAH!!). Then, all went down the toilet....starting at 11:38 pm. I'll copy the text conversation for you to draw your own conclusions. Now keep in mind this went on for over an hour.

    difficult child 1: Did you get a warranty on the sleeping bag cause the stitching is coming undone
    Me: Got to sleep and we'll worry about it when you get home.
    difficult child 1: But I can't I don't have nothing to cover up with.
    Me: Where's the quilt you took along?
    difficult child 1: I am laying on it because I can't lay on the scratchy mat I have to sleep on.
    Me: There's nothing I can do tonight. The sleeping bag can't be used at all?
    difficult child 1: I didn't want to break it more I will just freeze and get no sleep
    Me: Don't worry about wrecking it more. We'll exchange it. You can roll up in the quilt too. It's big enough.
    difficult child 1: No I ain't using it and I move around too much for the quilt
    Me: There's nothing I can do tonight. It's your choice.
    difficult child 1: Have fun dealing with me tomorrow then when I don't get any sleep
    difficult child 1: And yes I blame you
    Me: What's new. I didn't make the dang thin. Good night.
    difficult child 1: I can't sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    difficult child 1: Are my hands supposed to feel like they got stabbed
    Me: If you've been laying on them or clenching them.
    difficult child 1: No just laying here
    Me: Good night. I will see you tomorrow.
    difficult child 1: I might just hike home I feel that cold anyway so see you in a week or so
    Me: What do you want me to do?
    difficult child 1: Nothing but I might have to not sleep I have eaten much of nothing so I think I am going to sleep anyways so see youwhenever I get back whether tomorrow or in a week or so
    Me: That explains a lot. There's more going on than just the blanket issue. Let's not do this next year. Too much stress for both of us.

    I feel so sorry for him. I knew there had to be more going on. He has so many "quirks" especially with food that I was concerned. I have no idea what they served. I do know that he still robably didn't get the sleep he needs. How do I teach him this stuff. He tries so hard to be "normal" and he always ends up miserable. I am NOT going to have much fun dealing with his crabbiness today but at least I can't get mad at him about it. He tried. Hopefully, lesson learned. Speaking of the devil, it's time to go pick him up.
  2. buddy

    buddy New Member

    What a drag. He does well with those short trips he's done, poor guy. I had to go everywhere q tried, and even those trips were difficult. I won't even sign him up for the autism group overnights lol.
    Yeah, probably should plan on an alternative.
    Did the leaders help at all?
  3. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    He didn't want to wake them up. Otherwise, they are great with him. Got some more of the story (about the freezing part). He slept under a heating vent (ceiling) that was noisy Friday night. He said something to them so they (knowing how sleep sensitive he is) turned it off so the noise didn't keep him awake. He found this out this morning. Yea, I know, he's hard to satisfy sometimes. They tried and I give them credit for their efforts and willingness to help. This is the only "cold weather" camping they do. He does fins otherwise so he'll just have to skip this one next year...if I remember.
  4. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Don't you wish we had a reminder system on this site? We sure could use it. It would be funny if you went to type something about signing difficult child up for camping and it alerted you NOT TO DO IT! Haha! Poor thing, wish it went better. But, chances are he had a great time other than at that moment...which is why you were hearing from him.
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I think it is great he was willing to try again, and the leaders were willing to work with him again, after the problems last year. No way would Wiz have even tried again.

    Since this happens about the same time each year, why not put a reminder on your cell phone and/or computer calendar for mid December for next year? I have found this to be very very helpful when I want to remember something that only happens at a certain time.
  6. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Yes, Busy, that would be a great feature to have. You know, flag scenario warnings for times like this.

    Susie, difficult child 1 wants so much to be a "part of the gang" and he knows what the issue was last year (he's VERY aware of that time in his life). The one leader is also a friend of ours and he's said many times that difficult child 1 this year compared to last is "like night and day". He and his wife were PCAs for another family with ADHD and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) running rampant. He's very aware of difficult child 1's "quirks". If it had been anyone else leading, he wouldn't have wanted to go again either.

    As for the reminder, if I had any clue how to do either one, I would gladly. One less thing to have to remember a year from now.
  7. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    There are usually at least 2 simple ways to set a reminder on a phone. Click on the tools icon or the organizer icon from the main menu screen. You should see a calendar - either it will say calendar or it will show an icon that looks like a calendar page wtih a date on it. Click on that, then scroll through the options for each box on the screen for the date, way to remind you (alarm, text, etc...) and in the menu section put what you need about the future field trip "No scout field trp for difficult child because the cold is a big problem" or something similar.

    The other way is even easier. Just hand it to a child and tell them you need to set up an appointment for Dec 5, 2013. My kids could do this from about age 4, long before I could. Of course, I bet my cat could have done it earlier than I could also, if he just could have figured out how to get those opposable thumbs he has been wanting so badly for so long. I still cannot program the time on a vcr or dvd playe or the coffee maker, lol.
  8. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Wendy that's a great idea for a software a Siri for difficult child! Maybe Cheryl can whip something up! Lol.

    Sorry he didn't enjoy his time and that you didn't get to enjoy the break.
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhhh, I'm sorry. BoyScouts is supposed to be fun. Sleep is soooo important.
  10. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    If you find a solution, let me know. That is exactly the conversation I would have with Eeyore (of course, Eeyore would never have gone on the trip in the first place...)

    For remembering, I put it on the calendar "do not do....." to help me remember not to do things that sound great but continuously blow-up in my face.
  11. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Better today?
  12. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    He came home and ate non-stop (he's puny so I let him) then fell asleep around 6 pm. Woke up at his normal time in the morning and seems to be back to normal.

    I HAVE to remember not to do this again. We've tried twice and it's just not worth it. Of course, he won't remember it at all OR his memory of the week-end will be different than reality so it'll be an argument when I say NO next year.
  13. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Oh wow! Just start planning now for a "conflict " I think you have a trip to Dee's house that weekend!
  14. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Yea ...... uh huh ....... I'll make sure to give that a
  15. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    TeDo... you are WAY braver than we are. We said no before the first time. Half a dozen "no"s later... difficult child understands, but nobody else does. He's given up on group activities because the other members ALWAYS put extreme pressure on to participate in the trips. To him, it isn't worth dealing with the pressure. I totally HATE the group-think mentality, but it seems to be everywhere. There is no sense of belonging unless you can fit in to every part of a program. I hate lose-lose propositions!!
  16. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Except difficult child 1 loves it overall it seems. He has mentors/male role models and has had some amazing experiences, right? That makes it hard because he wants to do it so much. He is a guy who wants to be so social. That stinks for kids who want it so badly but struggle with stuff like that.

    Q begs to go to the autism center overnights (at $160 a night by the way plus extra for his 1:1). I blame the county telling him they don't have enough money. I certainly dont. But truth is that would scare the C r * p out of me. One incident and I fear he wouldn't be able to do the day classes. Makes me sad for him. He wants it so much. We have to make such hard choices sometimes.