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<blockquote data-quote="Smithmom" data-source="post: 744152" data-attributes="member: 23371"><p>My definition of success with limited expectations:</p><p></p><p>Youngest turned 24 yesterday. He's autistic and the sweetest kid on earth. Makes me smile every day. His older bros another story. His bd list was an older video game system and some games for it.</p><p></p><p>Oldest in prison. Called youngest first thing in the am to wish him happy birthday. Plus side remembered. Could do more but ok remembered. Count as success.</p><p></p><p>To get success for youngest I created a challenge for the middle one. Had youngest tell bro I couldn't afford the controller for new system for his bd. Implication then that If bro doesnt get it and bring it on time rest of bd gift ruined. Challenge set. Youngest in his excitement been contracting bro daily. Night before bro calls me and asks if he can show up after he gets off work at 9:30 pm. Hmmm. Ok I say. no comment from me about missing dinner and bd cake. Adjust expectation. Background: never acceptable to just show up at my house after 9 pm without prior permission ( my rules based on prior unacceptable behavior). Success in remembering prior incidents. Morning of bd I'm annoyed about after 9:30 pm and call bro to ask why cant do it at 2:00 and did he buy controller. He'll think and get back to me. Reduce expectation again. 1:30 call from youngest that he bumped into bro in town and they're going to hang out. Bro gets on phone and asks if I have batteries!</p><p></p><p>Success: Bro spent an hour with youngest, took him to his place, and gave him controller with batteries taken from bros roommate. What I think should happen? No. Forget family dinner and bd cake. Forget spending time playing new game with bro. Did bro plan this? No. Lucky bumped into each other in town. Youngest happy!</p><p></p><p>Success: youngest's office took him to lunch at his choice of restaurant (restaurant has dog in name). Probably last time they give him his choice. LOL. Youngest texted me picture of candy bar at 9 am. With lots of smiley faces cause someone at work gave him a $1 candy bar!</p><p></p><p>Moral: not the family bd I would have wanted for my youngest filled with childish joy. But I expect little and got little. Normal expectations thwarted in past. This year save myself the heartache. Youngest happy. I'm the one who suffers and reduced my suffering. Success?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Smithmom, post: 744152, member: 23371"] My definition of success with limited expectations: Youngest turned 24 yesterday. He's autistic and the sweetest kid on earth. Makes me smile every day. His older bros another story. His bd list was an older video game system and some games for it. Oldest in prison. Called youngest first thing in the am to wish him happy birthday. Plus side remembered. Could do more but ok remembered. Count as success. To get success for youngest I created a challenge for the middle one. Had youngest tell bro I couldn't afford the controller for new system for his bd. Implication then that If bro doesnt get it and bring it on time rest of bd gift ruined. Challenge set. Youngest in his excitement been contracting bro daily. Night before bro calls me and asks if he can show up after he gets off work at 9:30 pm. Hmmm. Ok I say. no comment from me about missing dinner and bd cake. Adjust expectation. Background: never acceptable to just show up at my house after 9 pm without prior permission ( my rules based on prior unacceptable behavior). Success in remembering prior incidents. Morning of bd I'm annoyed about after 9:30 pm and call bro to ask why cant do it at 2:00 and did he buy controller. He'll think and get back to me. Reduce expectation again. 1:30 call from youngest that he bumped into bro in town and they're going to hang out. Bro gets on phone and asks if I have batteries! Success: Bro spent an hour with youngest, took him to his place, and gave him controller with batteries taken from bros roommate. What I think should happen? No. Forget family dinner and bd cake. Forget spending time playing new game with bro. Did bro plan this? No. Lucky bumped into each other in town. Youngest happy! Success: youngest's office took him to lunch at his choice of restaurant (restaurant has dog in name). Probably last time they give him his choice. LOL. Youngest texted me picture of candy bar at 9 am. With lots of smiley faces cause someone at work gave him a $1 candy bar! Moral: not the family bd I would have wanted for my youngest filled with childish joy. But I expect little and got little. Normal expectations thwarted in past. This year save myself the heartache. Youngest happy. I'm the one who suffers and reduced my suffering. Success? [/QUOTE]
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