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Parent Emeritus
RENEWED HOPE
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 748297" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I just looked up the definition of hope. A word I use often, and may not fully understand.</p><p></p><p>Hope is "a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen" and "a feeling of trust." Wow.</p><p></p><p>Who knew? How in the world can I control what happens outside of me (which I barely control)? Desire. Yearning. Want. This is all of it, inside of me. But over anybody or anything outside of me? How in the world can I (safely) attach my wanting or yearning to anybody else? They control them. </p><p></p><p>They do and say and want what they want. Not what I want them to want. I can (safely) only want what I control. What I can do. What I can be. </p><p></p><p>In terms of "trust" I am learning that I have very, very little of this precious thing. And it is with this fragile hope (to learn to trust) that I turn to 12 step groups.</p><p>How very hard. I am here, right here, with you, in the same place. I have mixed feelings about where I am (with you). Sometimes I feel great loss of the life I had and great loss of the illusion I had that I was safe. But sometimes I believe that there is great possibility in this place. That I can fill it with reality, with a real person, with real strength, with real confidence. Beyond illusion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 748297, member: 18958"] I just looked up the definition of hope. A word I use often, and may not fully understand. Hope is "a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen" and "a feeling of trust." Wow. Who knew? How in the world can I control what happens outside of me (which I barely control)? Desire. Yearning. Want. This is all of it, inside of me. But over anybody or anything outside of me? How in the world can I (safely) attach my wanting or yearning to anybody else? They control them. They do and say and want what they want. Not what I want them to want. I can (safely) only want what I control. What I can do. What I can be. In terms of "trust" I am learning that I have very, very little of this precious thing. And it is with this fragile hope (to learn to trust) that I turn to 12 step groups. How very hard. I am here, right here, with you, in the same place. I have mixed feelings about where I am (with you). Sometimes I feel great loss of the life I had and great loss of the illusion I had that I was safe. But sometimes I believe that there is great possibility in this place. That I can fill it with reality, with a real person, with real strength, with real confidence. Beyond illusion. [/QUOTE]
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