Hi friends!
I'm returning to the board after a long time away... to make a long story short: my son was adopted from Vietnam at age 5, and in the past year, we have realized that he has never truly attached to us. He simply doesn't consider us as his family (he now calls us by our names rather than "mom" and "dad"... it's painful), ad probably never did. About a year ago we found out that he is addicted to heroin and sent him to rehab, from which he will be discharged in 3 months.
We worked out a post-discharge plan which includes him getting a job and starting community college in the fall. He said that after graduating, he wants to move back to his birth country and make a life for himself there... we told him, since the day we adopted him, that we have nothing against him exploring his heritage. But this... I'm afraid he will never come back. I'm afraid he's leaving us behind, for good this time.
He is not as angry as he used to be. He says he never wants to use drugs ever again. But he's so far away now.... It hurts so much. I love him. He will always be my son. We adopted him with the full intention of treating him as nothing else. I want to ask parents who've adopted older kids, especially those who have later developed substance abuse issues.... what are the odds of him returning? What are the odds of him saying goodbye for good? If he does move.... what can we do to maintain contact?
Thank you,
Rina
I'm returning to the board after a long time away... to make a long story short: my son was adopted from Vietnam at age 5, and in the past year, we have realized that he has never truly attached to us. He simply doesn't consider us as his family (he now calls us by our names rather than "mom" and "dad"... it's painful), ad probably never did. About a year ago we found out that he is addicted to heroin and sent him to rehab, from which he will be discharged in 3 months.
We worked out a post-discharge plan which includes him getting a job and starting community college in the fall. He said that after graduating, he wants to move back to his birth country and make a life for himself there... we told him, since the day we adopted him, that we have nothing against him exploring his heritage. But this... I'm afraid he will never come back. I'm afraid he's leaving us behind, for good this time.
He is not as angry as he used to be. He says he never wants to use drugs ever again. But he's so far away now.... It hurts so much. I love him. He will always be my son. We adopted him with the full intention of treating him as nothing else. I want to ask parents who've adopted older kids, especially those who have later developed substance abuse issues.... what are the odds of him returning? What are the odds of him saying goodbye for good? If he does move.... what can we do to maintain contact?
Thank you,
Rina