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<blockquote data-quote="Andy" data-source="post: 386944" data-attributes="member: 5096"><p>I did go through this with difficult child and it pops its ugly head up when he is extremely upset. He sees the world in black and white rules - you either do things right or wrong - if you do something wrong, you need to get punished - if I don't see adults punishing you then I will because you deserve to be punished for doing wrong. You are not suppose to talk in class - the teacher will not tell you to stop so I will. You can not change the rules of the game - the teacher will not step in and make you follow the group rule at recess so I will. </p><p> </p><p>He was 12 at the time. His anxiety was running deep and he could not tolerate any rules being broken so he became the unofficial (unwanted) enforcer of the small school. The teachers and I were fully aware of it and kept a tight reign on him. Being a very small school, it was easier for the teachers to team teach and work with him one on one if an issue came up. I think just having all the adults in his life standing firm and together yet working positively with him really helped him get through. He did not want to be that mean person.</p><p> </p><p>There was no punishments - just redirecting and constantly talking about and working on coping skills. He acknowledged that he did not want to behave like that - it took a long time to overcome it - mainly because a medication he was on became a disinhibiter. I kept him on it knowing that it did this because it also helped him get through school - it held his anxiety down while he was learning how to cope and take control. Lots of tears on my part as I heard how mean he was. I really feared for his future. However, he took control of who he wanted to be and overcame this need for revenge. Sometimes it is a renewed little battle but he is doing awesome.</p><p> </p><p>Keep communications open - tell him that his strong will can help him do the right thing to be the person he wants to be. Share that being a strong person does not include getting revenge - help him find ways of expressing the situation and looking for solutions (tell a teacher, tell mom, ect.). My difficult child learned how to recognize when the anxiety/anger would start and to take action on that feeling before it got to the point of trying to seek revenge. He is learning that you can not make anyone stop what they are doing/saying - you can not control others but you can control your reactions.</p><p> </p><p>Journaling was something the teachers had him do - sit down and write about it. Write what happened.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Andy, post: 386944, member: 5096"] I did go through this with difficult child and it pops its ugly head up when he is extremely upset. He sees the world in black and white rules - you either do things right or wrong - if you do something wrong, you need to get punished - if I don't see adults punishing you then I will because you deserve to be punished for doing wrong. You are not suppose to talk in class - the teacher will not tell you to stop so I will. You can not change the rules of the game - the teacher will not step in and make you follow the group rule at recess so I will. He was 12 at the time. His anxiety was running deep and he could not tolerate any rules being broken so he became the unofficial (unwanted) enforcer of the small school. The teachers and I were fully aware of it and kept a tight reign on him. Being a very small school, it was easier for the teachers to team teach and work with him one on one if an issue came up. I think just having all the adults in his life standing firm and together yet working positively with him really helped him get through. He did not want to be that mean person. There was no punishments - just redirecting and constantly talking about and working on coping skills. He acknowledged that he did not want to behave like that - it took a long time to overcome it - mainly because a medication he was on became a disinhibiter. I kept him on it knowing that it did this because it also helped him get through school - it held his anxiety down while he was learning how to cope and take control. Lots of tears on my part as I heard how mean he was. I really feared for his future. However, he took control of who he wanted to be and overcame this need for revenge. Sometimes it is a renewed little battle but he is doing awesome. Keep communications open - tell him that his strong will can help him do the right thing to be the person he wants to be. Share that being a strong person does not include getting revenge - help him find ways of expressing the situation and looking for solutions (tell a teacher, tell mom, ect.). My difficult child learned how to recognize when the anxiety/anger would start and to take action on that feeling before it got to the point of trying to seek revenge. He is learning that you can not make anyone stop what they are doing/saying - you can not control others but you can control your reactions. Journaling was something the teachers had him do - sit down and write about it. Write what happened. [/QUOTE]
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