I've tried to post this several times, but didn't. It's just so ridiculously stupid as to be unbelievable. But it's creating a situation. Go back a couple of weeks to when husband had his heart attack. Katie had just told me that Evan was horribly sick and had pneumonia. I'd explained to katie that she couldn't go visit her dad because we had no way of knowing if he had bacterial (non contagious) or viral (extremely contagious) and such a virus could be deadly not only to her dad but the entire unit if she happened to carry in the germs. I gave her the direct line number into her dad's room, she could call him at any time. If he wasn't up to answering, a nurse would pick it up and give her an update. by the way this must be new because it's the only ICU I've ever seen phones in patient rooms. Although last time I worked in one was 30 yrs ago. Katie was not happy and made it known. I was a bit irked but didn't worry about it. She wasn't going because I wasn't taking that risk. Unknown to me until after the fact, she mailed Nichole and told her I was being mean to her and not letting her go see her dad. Now this was more than a bit stupid on her part. Nichole had just had Oliver and was hormonal. Plus, c'mon, her dad (and she's always been daddy's girl) just had a massive heart attack, and both easy child and Nichole already knew about the conversation I'd had with katie. They'd both seen the actual mail. They get on my fb acct from time to time when they need something for one of their games. Nichole went off on her in a big way, although for Nichole it was fairly mild. The whining and tattling katie did in her mail just struck a nerve. She'd called her out on the whining while refusing to do anything to improve the things she complained about, she confronted her on the pretending to look for work while actually making no effort and living on Alex's disability, she confronted her about M's latest nude posting on fb....and even about why it was such a horrible thing for him to do and his horrible interactions with the kids....... Then she unfriended her because she just couldn't stand the daily whining sessions posted on her fb page. I found out I think a few days later. I didn't worry about it. I had other things on my mind and Nichole hadn't told katie anything I haven't already told her multiple times myself. Then husband passed away. The girls attempted to contact katie the moment they reached my house. By phone, fb, her cells. We didn't reach her until 1:30pm, the viewing we'd arranged for her was at 2pm. I'd totally forgotten that Nichole had told her off. Heck, even Nichole had already forgotten about it. But as I think back it, now it makes sense that katie was practically up my rear while we were at the funeral home. I guess she was afraid Nichole would confront her again. But my kids were raised right, and difficult child or not, they know there is a time and place and that was not it. While making plans for the memorial, Nichole decided it would be a good idea to have everyone stop at her house to eat after. Nothing fancy, just finger foods, and a chance to visit a bit as no one is going to feel comfortable doing that at the cemetery and many people we haven't seen in several years. So I relayed the plans to katie. Katie writes back that she knows that with all that I'm already going through at the moment that she shouldn't bring this up, and that I'll probably just take Nichole's side anyway and get so furious I'll never talk to her again, and that she doesn't want to drag me into this but........(those buts will get you every time) And then she proceeded to inform me of everything Nichole attacked her with with some embellishments to make it worse, left some things out to make herself look better. Her reason for dragging me into it was that she didn't feel Nichole would welcome her into her home. That Nichole had hurt her terribly and she wasn't talking to her now. AND included that she let kayla read those mails!! So now kayla is very upset with the aunt she has always adored. D*mn straight I was furious. She knew it wasn't the time to bring it up, she knew there was a high chance I'd be furious with her, she knew there was a huge chance I'd side with Nichole......and yet she went right ahead and drug me into it, and decided while she was at it she'd drag Kayla into it as well. Let's see........so she knew better......and did it anyway. Because no one else's feelings matter except katie's. The girl is darn lucky she mailed that and didn't have the guts to tell me to my face. So, evidently katie had to twist this so that even with her father's sudden death, she is once again the "victim". Gag me. I mailed her back, I'd have called her but I wanted to make sure she got everything I said. I told her that Nichole hadn't said anything that I hadn't already said to her numerous times, and strange enough she was still talking to me. I told her that is the way family works. If there is a concern, especially a serious concern, family is going to speak up in hopes of getting the person to see it and do something about it. And when the person you're trying to help only comes back with ridiculous excuses for outrageous behavior....frustration is going to make it harder to be tactful when doing so. She'd flat out denied that M had posted the most recent picture on myspace or that it was taken in the apartment. She'd claimed to go looking in all his hiding places and found nothing. (no clue what she was talking about, the picture was online) I told her I'd not only found it too, I had a hard copy. I'd printed it knowing myspace would take it down and I knew she'd deny it and it was to show her proof. She didn't like that much. While I somehow managed to do it tactfully, I backed Nichole up completely. I told her Nichole was upset (with good reason) and hormonal and had actually been quite gentle with her reaming, and to get over herself. Her excuses, all we ever get is excuses, were that M is seeing a psychiatrist for his "issues". Personally, I think this is made up unless cps is involved. That they can't force people to hire them. No, but you can dress appropriately, look as if you actually want to work, and actually look for the jobs and put in applications. I told her Nichole would not say anything about her coming to her house after the services. It hadn't even come up. When Nichole had found out katie had come tattling to me, she was livid, even more so when she found out Kayla had been allowed to read the mails. It was all I could do to prevent her from really blasting her. And I only managed that by reminding her this wasn't the proper time, and telling her if she still felt so strongly she could do it after the memorial. (nichole had gotten on my acct to do something for a game and spotted the mail from katie) Katie hasn't said another word about it. I let it drop because honestly I had more important things to worry about than her hurt feelings. Nichole decided to try to be the bigger person. She mailed katie and told her that she was welcome in her home, but to not dare to use her as an excuse to back out of coming to their father's memorial service. If katie, for whatever reason, didn't want to go then to just say so and to leave Nichole out of it, she wasn't going to be her scapegoat. Katie blocked Nichole after that mail. It probably hit too close to the truth. Katie continues to whine to me, not about this, but about everything else. Evan's teacher is about to rip her hair out over his behavior in class and total lack of discipline. According to katie, the teacher confronts Kayla about it instead of sending notes home or contacting katie. Bull. The notes are probably being ignored or thrown away and katie unplugs the house phone and turns off the cells the moment the kids go off to school in the morning. (gee I wonder why people can't call her for interviews) Now suddenly all 3 kids are asthmatic. Bull again. None of them are. Seasonal allergies, yes. Asthma, no. No symptoms. So either she's making it up or she's flat out lying to the doctor. (which she's already on her 3rd doctor with them) After sobbing at the funeral home about how guilty she felt over not developing a relationship with her dad this past year, and not calling him at the hospital (she did once, kayla did all the talking) and not visiting when he came home.......I told her in a really cold voice to go home and call her mom. It was a strong hint that what she was doing to her mom was worse. She called her mom, but only to get pity because her dad died. The rest went right over her head. M, as everyone knows, I can't stand. He has serious mental issues.....and the whole I've got to flash myself in front of the entire world compulsion is disturbing on multiple levels for various reasons, he's obviously developmentally delayed, has the IQ of a toad, is pretty self centered, lazy......Well, we all know I could go on. Yet the first thing he did when he found out was offer to do my yard work. The man knows what it looks like, it would not be fun to tackle the jungle in my back yard. But, being the person I am, I also give credit where credit is due. He is the one who cares for my grandkids. He gets them up in the morning, finds them clean clothing, makes their breakfast, walks them to the bus stop. If there are errands to run, he's the one doing the walking to do them, including the food shopping and stuff katie should be doing herself. He is the one cleaning the house, cooking the meals. He's the one who plays with the kids......and yeah it's because he never managed to grow up, but at least he interacts with them. As much as I want to lay the blame all at M's feet, it just doesn't wash with what I've been seeing over the past year. And as much as I've tried to deny it, there is so much more going on with Katie behind those closed doors than I'm little miss helpless. She does nothing. Seriously. Her interaction with the kids is extremely limited, and basically only for "show". If the kids want, need something they never go to her, it's always M. Affection? They avoid her, again, it's M. Who do they always talk about? M. Katie won't go anywhere unless they have the cash to pay for the cab or FRS services will drive them. She'll send M instead, even if he hasn't got a clue what he's doing. This of course is only the tip of the iceburg. But far too often I've wondered if M is just katie's fall guy. If something goes wrong, if she's caught out in something, whatever, her finger points to M. Call her on it and it's but you don't understand.....I love him. If welfare paperwork is not turned in or whatever, it's M's fault. If a doctor doesn't understand about the kids, it's M's fault. (wth is HE taking them for?) Everything is M's fault. If we call her on her behavior? We're being mean and attacking her and I swear she'll find a way to twist it around so it's M's fault. Now like I said, I can't stand the guy. (although I'm wondering how much of that is katie's fault other than that whole sexual stuff) But if I force myself to look at the situation objectively, he's doing the best he can with what he knows, which isn't very much due to his background. While katie is playing the world for one huge svcker and getting away with it because she always blames M. That girl has got something far more serious going on than depression, borderline (the thing with Nichole is classic borderline), and I've got to be the victim no matter what thing. I hate to think of it........but I know she's got to be furious I'm backing Nichole on this (although I did say she's still trying to learn tact) yet she has no issue talking with me.....and I even, because she made me so mad, went on to tell her exactly what I thought of her situation. So it makes me wonder what she wants. We only hear from her when she wants something. I'm thinking she's hoping there is an inheritance from her dad, since coming here hoping there was one from her grandmother (who she always believed was rich) and that didn't pan out. If she does think there is an inheritance, then she's even less connected with reality than I thought. But I'm just sick and tired of trying with this kid. Tired of the lies and made up stories. Tired of her victim mentality. So now this "fight" with her and Nichole is hanging over the memorial. Katie is non confrontational. But kayla is, and she wants to come so she can say goodbye. Which is why I think katie let her see the mail. (and as a means to "punish" Nichole for calling her on her stuff) If there is a difficult child moment at any point during the memorial......well, they're going to find out just how difficult child dear ol' mom can be. I need to ask katie if she still plans to come. If so, she has to ride with me, which svcks as I really didn't want to drive but only so many can fit into easy child's car and her husband is driving so she doesn't have to drive. I will be dropping food off at Nichole's apartment beforehand. Then there will be the gathering at her apartment after. I'm not going to deal with any koi. This is about her dad, not her, not Nichole. She can either act like an adult, or stay home. No one cares if she doesn't go. And this time, the blame can't be laid at M's feet, he'd already volunteered to stay home and watch the boys. (not that he was welcome anyway, husband hated him with a passion) I had to sit on this for several days before posting. I know my emotions aren't' what they'd normally be. But making your dad's death all about you, just takes everything to a whole new level of how utterly disturbed you are.