Right back where I started from

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by gingersgrl, Jan 19, 2017.

  1. gingersgrl

    gingersgrl New Member

    I joined 4 yrs ago. We went for counseling and things seemed to really improve a lot. She hurts animals. She doesn't torture and kill them but she kicks them and smacks them. She does it when she gets impatient and as a 16 yr old she's impatient. Last time I was here she had broken one of my dogs legs ...actually dislocated the foot from the leg joint slamming her own foot on it. 2 surgery's later and a few pins the dog walked with a limp and still does. She would continue to do this to our other dogs but not break their feet. I have a kennel of show dogs so it was my living and a huge deal which is probably why she did it. Anyway, I tried counseling which really was pretty useless. We did in home therapy and that person wanted her institutionalized. I didn't do it. Then one day after one more limping dog I said fine, I"ve had it. The place wouldn't take her right then but she seen me want to pack her up before and I guess that stopped it. Fast forward to now. 2 weeks ago a dog wouldn't come in the house for her. She said the dog was afraid of her shoes. My heart sank but couldn't prove anything. Big fight. Dog's fine. This weekend one of my dogs who adores me gets up on the couch between her and I. It's pissed her off. She said I hate that dog. It was said a couple of time and the last time she said it like "I really HATE that dog". Later I am checking the dog's belly for flea's and I see his testicles, either side of his penis and all the way up his side are purple. He can't walk up stairs and is in pain. We fought about it. I have no idea what to do. She just keeps saying she didn't do it and I can't prove it. Finally she walk out today with no coat, flipflops, no money, no phone which I had taken away. I don't even want to call the police. I don't know that I want to do anything. She's 16. We have no family here and her boyfriend lives 10 miles away. She has no friends. She's walking. I"m lost. I'm relieved but am waiting for the police or something. I don't know what to do.
  2. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    Is she adopted or was there early loss of a caregiver attachment in her life early on?

    She sounds like a child we adopted who hurt our animals and eventually killed two. He also did many other things such as pee and poop all over (We thought it was the dogs), sexually act out in perverted ways on younger kids (the young ones were too terrified of him to tell us until we had him removed), stole, lied, yet smiled sweetly at all adults and even charmed psychiatrists.

    This child was a foster/adopt. We didn't know he touched our younger kids and had killed our dogs until he left. We thought the dogs were killed by "racist" neighbors because he said our neighbors called him derogatory racial names. It wasn't true. He finally got caught and his facade in all areas fell apart. Can't tell you the degree of our guilt. Stll.

    Regardless of what is wrong with your daughter clinically, if you love your dogs you can't keep them and her in the same home. It is cruel to them and they are helpless. It doesn't matter if you saw her hurt the animals. You know she did do it. Nobody else did it and she keeps doing it. The dogs deserve safety.

    Cruelty to animals is a very serious psychological symptom. Almost all serial killers do it as children. Not saying AT ALL that she will become one but harming animals means she could also harm to weaker.people, even.if not yet caught. It is a symptom of deep disturbance.

    If you have other kids...well...not a good idea to house them together even if she is nice to them in front of you and your younger ones deny she harms them. They could be scared, like mine. We didn't ask though. He acted so nice in front of us we didn't guess and did not think he hurt the animals. He acted lovey dovey toward our pets around us. Great actor was he.

    Knowing what I now know, I'd want your daughter, if she were mine, to live elsewhere while getting help, like residential treatment. There is no way I'd keep her home unless all the dogs and other pets are rehomed. And I'd keep alarms on her bedroom door and front door and not leave her alone. Not for a minute. Not as long as there are dogs around.

    Our adopted son fooled every mental health professional. Everyone was shocked when, in residential treatment, he not only admitted it with no remorse but proceeded to go after a peer in the bathroom.

    Be safe. You are legally responsible for anyone or any animal she hurts. And our child killed a few neighbor pets but we didn't figure it out until much later.

    We don't see this child anymore. We are afraid of him...he was 13 when he left and is 23 now. We have nothing against adopted kids and have three we would take bullets for. They are our everything. This one particular boy was hurting them and our pets and others on the neighborhood. He should never have been put into a family setting.

    We got him at age 11, but any age child with early insecure attachment or abuse can have attachment disorder. And it means no conscience.

    I am so sorry and know the horror.
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2017
  3. gingersgrl

    gingersgrl New Member

    She's my GD. I've had her since she was 2 1/2. She was severely neglected before coming here. It's been a huge issue for all these years in one way or another. Right now grappling with whether or not to call the police. We are in the country and she's on foot. In flipflops, no coat and it's suppose to get down to 40 tonight. I did call her boyfriends father and he said she hasn't been there or contacted them.
  4. ForeverSpring

    ForeverSpring Well-Known Member

    I probably answered the first time you posted as MidwestMom. I probably told you my story.

    I would call the police. But my priority after that would be to get her help in a live in mental health care facility unless you give up your dogs...all of them. She is still doing this after all this time.

    My guess is that she will be diagnosed eventually with attachment disorder, which is pretty much the same as antisocial or Conduct disorder.

    I am really sorry. This is sadly common when children are neglected or abused early on. It's hard to treat and can turn dangerous. Often seen when a child lived in an orphanage or foster care and had no primary loving caregiver and I am sure you have done your best. Unfortunately, love doesn't cure it.

    Sorry again. See what kind of out of home mental health care you can find for trauma. Early neglect is a trauma to the person and you don't grow out of it. Does she play with fire?

    Hugs to you.
  5. JaneBetty

    JaneBetty Active Member

    gingersgrl, I'm so sorry you are struggling with this. I'm sure you're horrified at what is happening, my heart goes out to you, your god daughter, and to the dogs.
    I agree with SWOT. You must get the police involved and get intensive help for her. What a terrible dilemma for you.
  6. Crayola13

    Crayola13 Active Member

    I think she resents having to help take care of the animals. We just adopted two little black kittens. As much as I love my son, I think I would press charges if he did that repeatedly to new kittens. If therapy didn't help, that is. In our city, animal cruelty was made a felony. It won't go on her record of she's under 18. I doubt she would go to jail, anyway. I wonder if criminal charges would make her understand how serious this is. The judge would probably just order her to go back to therapy and do community service. But, you could make her think she's going to jail.
  7. Ironbutterfly

    Ironbutterfly If focused on a single leaf you won't see the tree

    Can you call the police and tell them she threatened to hurt herself and left in order to get the Baker Act done? 72 hour hold if someone threatens to hurt themselves(yes some families lie in order to get them emergency treatment and off the street), She is hurting animals and something is seriously wrong.
  8. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Sadly, neglect is now thought to cause more severe attachment disorders than abuse. There is little that we know that can fix attachment disorders. Please keep your animals safe by keeping them FAR away from this girl. PLEASE get her into some sort of placement away from your animals. They give their all to you, support you and love you. Your granddau doesn't understand love, likely cannot, and will only continue to hurt the animals. You have all the proof you need. You didn't do it, and no one else in your home did either. You know, deep down, that she did it. That she is the only one who COULD have done it because she is the only one who is prone to hurt animals when upset or irritated.

    I don't think there is really a way to fix what is wrong with her. I wish I could give you hope, but she has to want to fix what is wrong and I doubt she sees anything wrong with hurting them. I doubt she would see anything wrong with hurting a child either. Please never leave her alone with a child or an elderly or vulnerable adult. If she got upset or irritated wtih them, she would likely treat them the way she does your animals. Some people are just too damaged to be fixed, either because the damage is too bad or because they don't see anything wrong with the way they are. Do NOT let her babysit anyone, ever.

    Please find another person to be around your animals, and cameras or something to make sure she is NEVER near your animals again. You owe these animals your livelihood, and their safety.

    As for her being out in the cold, she is 16 and smart enough to find a way to get out of the cold. She will go to a store or a friend's house. If she is out after dark or curfew, report her as a runaway to the police. Other than that, there really isn't much you can do. Surely she is smart enough to come in out of the cold. Most people are by 16.