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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 248210" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Thanks, everyone, but I might have to stray from the well-intentioned advice this time, even if it turns out that I'm wrong. I don't expect anyone to condone this decision. I have typed up my reasons why I honestly believe that it is not in difficult child's best interest to come home right now, the things I am most worried about regarding "the system", and how this seems to be limited to 3 options that the judge will choose from and I find all 3 completely unacceptable. Of course, I realize that I have no say-so in it and she will make her choice based on the tired, over-worked, county employees who just threw out their opinions to dicuss 2 mins before walking into the courtroom.</p><p></p><p>Then, I laid down and tried to take a nap and my therapist returned my call. She said the psychiatric evaluation should be by someone who has never met me and that the courts would have to have something listed as a reason or concern to have assessed. She said the only thing she could think of that would seem a possibility for me would be that I'm distressed and they want to know how I'm handling it, to see if it's in a way that's triggering difficult child. We agreed that there would be no reason to do this for family therapy because that can be ordered anyway. She said the intent would be to order me into therapy to deal with the stress better. I asked if it wouldn't cross their minds to maybe quit handling things in a way that causes me more stress and she just laughed. She said she couldn't encourage breaking a court order, but it is reason to be concerned and she said maybe I should let them know that I am seeing a therapist to address my stress already. Also, we discussed the fact that she is the one who had initially suggested getting difficult child into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) so that we could work out kinks in relationship without adding more stress to either of us and still giving him consequences for his aggression toward me and keeping myself safe and not having to worry about his every next move during the process. She said I could notify people of this before the psychiatric evaluation and maybe they would change the order, or at least, she suggested telling the person who was going to evaluation me and asking them what exactly was I being evaluation'd for. That sounded good to me. I alos mentioned how it's driving me nuts that people are asking me why I didn't lock up more stuff - difficult child is in a secure place now and still finding ways to cut and everyone is ignoring that. Are they sending that staff and psychiatrist for a psychiatric evaluation?</p><p></p><p>Then, the lady about medicaid called and she's still trying to help but doesn't know as much about specific benefits as I had hoped. She said she would call the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) I had applied to and try to figure something out. Of course, this doesn't solve the problem of the county team and funding the educational component. I don't think it will happen, but I appreciate this lady's efforts a great deal. </p><p></p><p>Then, I cried about everything difficult child had done. I was starting to regroup and go eat a sandwich.</p><p></p><p>And the phone rang again. It was mst guy. I immediately feel my whole body cringing and tried to remind myself of things my therapist had suggested I bring up. He gave me no chance to do that and just told me when he had scheduled an appointment for me. It was with some lady therapist but there was no asking if it was convenient for me, how am I, do you have any questions or anything else. I started to speak and he started telling me where the office was. Here I was in bed crying and hearing this guy just dictate stuff, as usual for these people, and visualizing this ending up with my issues broadcast in court in front of difficult child (yes, here they DO that) and having more court orders for PO to hold over my head and discuss in meetings, and I couldn't even ask a question. He said do you know where this office is, and I said no, but it doesn't matter, I'm not so sure I'm going thru with this. He said well, I'd feel more comfortable telling you where the office is anyway and proceeds to list off detailed directions so I just said that's ok, thank you, and hung up. Needless to say, it ruined my appetite.</p><p></p><p>Then I cried some more and here I am. LOL! Please understand, I am not saying that I don't have issues or that I wouldn't address them under different circumstances. But I'm looking at it like some things can be addressed by making a decision and moving forward instead of having more stressors added on in the guise that they will help me learn how to reduce stress. I understand there will be consequences and people will think worse of me. I'm not so sure that I'll even go to the next court, quite honestly. I might just submit my statement, hope someone reads it, and be home trying to find someone to take care of my dogs before I go to jail. I'd rather be in jail than to hear PO's mouth one more time or be yelled at about the having to answer to the judge or any other threat that I'm so sick of hearing about.</p><p></p><p>I keep remembering the judge yesterday- she commented on how if parents get help for their kids themselves, there is no accountability to anyone that the treatment really is giving adequately instead of some treatment given until funding runs out, then that is it. I find that interesting because when I testified last year, I made BIG issue about docs not being held accountable for services they claimed they could provide and how they will blame the child or parent if the therapy doesn't work or come up with excuses if you go to them for months and nothing has really even progressed. But, I think the judge is failing to see that while she might want to keep things in Department of Juvenile Justice so she can monitor and hold tdocs accountable, what we are really getting is a PO who is a nightmare and difficult child and I cannot continue to live feeling like we have an ax over our heads trying to get approval from someone who'll never see me eye to eye and we will never have similar parenting ideas. And here, complete therapist records are open to PO and GAL if paid for/provided and ordered by court.</p><p></p><p>And I honestly do think that the judge has a valid point about Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s not being a magic answer and not always sticking to having kids earn their way out adequately. However, I can't see either putting my son in detention, sending him back home on probation, or giving him to dss so they can stick him in the cheapest place as better alternatives that give a better opportunity. She says she can't order Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and I have researched and found a court case online where a county took a judge to court for ordering it, but the judge won. Ok, still, it might be sticky for the judge. Anyway, the judge could have ordered the po to go to county team and try to get it approved. Instead, I ended up in hallway after court trying to get gal to see why she needed to go to the county meeting, then calling gal to tell her they wouldn't even let me set it up this time, that someone would need to talk to PO in order to get that done. And their solution to my stress is to get something else ordered for me? I think I better stay away from these people for a while or I'm going to have a lot more to worry about than breaking a court order for a psychiatric evaluation. </p><p></p><p>Every late winter/early spring, difficult child is in legal trouble for 4 years now. Every time, at least one person wants to scrutinize the carp out of me to determine if I'm the cause. I've been through it with so many. It will never end until difficult child is living under someone else's roof and either stops, which would be ebst for him, or doesn't stop and they are forced to focus on something other than me.</p><p></p><p>PS I do appreciate the PM's I have received lately and sorry it is taking me a while to repsond. I'm trying to wait until I'm not so cranky. LOL!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 248210, member: 3699"] Thanks, everyone, but I might have to stray from the well-intentioned advice this time, even if it turns out that I'm wrong. I don't expect anyone to condone this decision. I have typed up my reasons why I honestly believe that it is not in difficult child's best interest to come home right now, the things I am most worried about regarding "the system", and how this seems to be limited to 3 options that the judge will choose from and I find all 3 completely unacceptable. Of course, I realize that I have no say-so in it and she will make her choice based on the tired, over-worked, county employees who just threw out their opinions to dicuss 2 mins before walking into the courtroom. Then, I laid down and tried to take a nap and my therapist returned my call. She said the psychiatric evaluation should be by someone who has never met me and that the courts would have to have something listed as a reason or concern to have assessed. She said the only thing she could think of that would seem a possibility for me would be that I'm distressed and they want to know how I'm handling it, to see if it's in a way that's triggering difficult child. We agreed that there would be no reason to do this for family therapy because that can be ordered anyway. She said the intent would be to order me into therapy to deal with the stress better. I asked if it wouldn't cross their minds to maybe quit handling things in a way that causes me more stress and she just laughed. She said she couldn't encourage breaking a court order, but it is reason to be concerned and she said maybe I should let them know that I am seeing a therapist to address my stress already. Also, we discussed the fact that she is the one who had initially suggested getting difficult child into Residential Treatment Center (RTC) so that we could work out kinks in relationship without adding more stress to either of us and still giving him consequences for his aggression toward me and keeping myself safe and not having to worry about his every next move during the process. She said I could notify people of this before the psychiatric evaluation and maybe they would change the order, or at least, she suggested telling the person who was going to evaluation me and asking them what exactly was I being evaluation'd for. That sounded good to me. I alos mentioned how it's driving me nuts that people are asking me why I didn't lock up more stuff - difficult child is in a secure place now and still finding ways to cut and everyone is ignoring that. Are they sending that staff and psychiatrist for a psychiatric evaluation? Then, the lady about medicaid called and she's still trying to help but doesn't know as much about specific benefits as I had hoped. She said she would call the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) I had applied to and try to figure something out. Of course, this doesn't solve the problem of the county team and funding the educational component. I don't think it will happen, but I appreciate this lady's efforts a great deal. Then, I cried about everything difficult child had done. I was starting to regroup and go eat a sandwich. And the phone rang again. It was mst guy. I immediately feel my whole body cringing and tried to remind myself of things my therapist had suggested I bring up. He gave me no chance to do that and just told me when he had scheduled an appointment for me. It was with some lady therapist but there was no asking if it was convenient for me, how am I, do you have any questions or anything else. I started to speak and he started telling me where the office was. Here I was in bed crying and hearing this guy just dictate stuff, as usual for these people, and visualizing this ending up with my issues broadcast in court in front of difficult child (yes, here they DO that) and having more court orders for PO to hold over my head and discuss in meetings, and I couldn't even ask a question. He said do you know where this office is, and I said no, but it doesn't matter, I'm not so sure I'm going thru with this. He said well, I'd feel more comfortable telling you where the office is anyway and proceeds to list off detailed directions so I just said that's ok, thank you, and hung up. Needless to say, it ruined my appetite. Then I cried some more and here I am. LOL! Please understand, I am not saying that I don't have issues or that I wouldn't address them under different circumstances. But I'm looking at it like some things can be addressed by making a decision and moving forward instead of having more stressors added on in the guise that they will help me learn how to reduce stress. I understand there will be consequences and people will think worse of me. I'm not so sure that I'll even go to the next court, quite honestly. I might just submit my statement, hope someone reads it, and be home trying to find someone to take care of my dogs before I go to jail. I'd rather be in jail than to hear PO's mouth one more time or be yelled at about the having to answer to the judge or any other threat that I'm so sick of hearing about. I keep remembering the judge yesterday- she commented on how if parents get help for their kids themselves, there is no accountability to anyone that the treatment really is giving adequately instead of some treatment given until funding runs out, then that is it. I find that interesting because when I testified last year, I made BIG issue about docs not being held accountable for services they claimed they could provide and how they will blame the child or parent if the therapy doesn't work or come up with excuses if you go to them for months and nothing has really even progressed. But, I think the judge is failing to see that while she might want to keep things in Department of Juvenile Justice so she can monitor and hold tdocs accountable, what we are really getting is a PO who is a nightmare and difficult child and I cannot continue to live feeling like we have an ax over our heads trying to get approval from someone who'll never see me eye to eye and we will never have similar parenting ideas. And here, complete therapist records are open to PO and GAL if paid for/provided and ordered by court. And I honestly do think that the judge has a valid point about Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s not being a magic answer and not always sticking to having kids earn their way out adequately. However, I can't see either putting my son in detention, sending him back home on probation, or giving him to dss so they can stick him in the cheapest place as better alternatives that give a better opportunity. She says she can't order Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and I have researched and found a court case online where a county took a judge to court for ordering it, but the judge won. Ok, still, it might be sticky for the judge. Anyway, the judge could have ordered the po to go to county team and try to get it approved. Instead, I ended up in hallway after court trying to get gal to see why she needed to go to the county meeting, then calling gal to tell her they wouldn't even let me set it up this time, that someone would need to talk to PO in order to get that done. And their solution to my stress is to get something else ordered for me? I think I better stay away from these people for a while or I'm going to have a lot more to worry about than breaking a court order for a psychiatric evaluation. Every late winter/early spring, difficult child is in legal trouble for 4 years now. Every time, at least one person wants to scrutinize the carp out of me to determine if I'm the cause. I've been through it with so many. It will never end until difficult child is living under someone else's roof and either stops, which would be ebst for him, or doesn't stop and they are forced to focus on something other than me. PS I do appreciate the PM's I have received lately and sorry it is taking me a while to repsond. I'm trying to wait until I'm not so cranky. LOL! [/QUOTE]
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