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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 763978" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Aloha LMS,</p><p>Thank you so much for your kind response and sharing your story. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son. I am glad you were able to connect with him before his passing.</p><p></p><p>I went no contact with Tornado for awhile. She was in jail again after leaving rehab. I was so broken hearted and tired. I knew that I needed to take a break and rebuild my self. I was angry too, LMS, angry that she had so callously tossed away her own children, her family, in search of that high. I needed time and space to work through my own feelings. I’m sure you did too.</p><p></p><p>This is a precious memory.</p><p></p><p>I understand going no contact and how hard that is. But sometimes we need space to regroup in order to keep our sanity. My daughter once told me that I needed to accept her as is, accept her addiction. I told her that I could accept that she is an addict, but not her choices and degraded living. I had to give her to God, because dealing with it was slowly killing me, day by day. I know she was asking me for some sort of connection even when she is actively using. I have a hard time with that LMS. I am still working on what that would look like. Your experience and a similar one shared by an old friend who lost her son last year, bode me to re-examine my boundaries. It is something I have pondered over for awhile now. But, I have to put my safety and health in the forefront. I am so very glad that you were able to have contact with Jarod before he passed. </p><p></p><p>Losing a child is a nightmare. I have felt in many ways that we as mothers of addicts have been grieving loss for a long time. What a severe blow to your heart LMS, I am so sorry for the pain of it. The first year of losing our loved ones is so difficult to navigate. </p><p></p><p>Our living children and grandchildren are such a blessing. I’m sure your grands will appreciate that memory of their dad when they are ready to receive it.</p><p></p><p>So very true.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry LMS. </p><p></p><p>Yes, I have given my all in many ways. Some ways too much. I am still learning how to find my own recovery and to keep healthy boundaries while thinking of connection. But, that will be determined by circumstances and my own and my granddaughters health and well being.</p><p>Thank you so much for sharing LMS. Your love and kindness shines through your post. Please stay well. Again, my heartfelt condolences.</p><p>Love and hugs</p><p>Leaf</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 763978, member: 19522"] Aloha LMS, Thank you so much for your kind response and sharing your story. I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved son. I am glad you were able to connect with him before his passing. I went no contact with Tornado for awhile. She was in jail again after leaving rehab. I was so broken hearted and tired. I knew that I needed to take a break and rebuild my self. I was angry too, LMS, angry that she had so callously tossed away her own children, her family, in search of that high. I needed time and space to work through my own feelings. I’m sure you did too. This is a precious memory. I understand going no contact and how hard that is. But sometimes we need space to regroup in order to keep our sanity. My daughter once told me that I needed to accept her as is, accept her addiction. I told her that I could accept that she is an addict, but not her choices and degraded living. I had to give her to God, because dealing with it was slowly killing me, day by day. I know she was asking me for some sort of connection even when she is actively using. I have a hard time with that LMS. I am still working on what that would look like. Your experience and a similar one shared by an old friend who lost her son last year, bode me to re-examine my boundaries. It is something I have pondered over for awhile now. But, I have to put my safety and health in the forefront. I am so very glad that you were able to have contact with Jarod before he passed. Losing a child is a nightmare. I have felt in many ways that we as mothers of addicts have been grieving loss for a long time. What a severe blow to your heart LMS, I am so sorry for the pain of it. The first year of losing our loved ones is so difficult to navigate. Our living children and grandchildren are such a blessing. I’m sure your grands will appreciate that memory of their dad when they are ready to receive it. So very true. I am so sorry LMS. Yes, I have given my all in many ways. Some ways too much. I am still learning how to find my own recovery and to keep healthy boundaries while thinking of connection. But, that will be determined by circumstances and my own and my granddaughters health and well being. Thank you so much for sharing LMS. Your love and kindness shines through your post. Please stay well. Again, my heartfelt condolences. Love and hugs Leaf [/QUOTE]
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