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General Parenting
Rough Couple of Days....
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 428591" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I like the love and logic approach to this. The job of dishes is difficult children. If they are not done, then someone is hired at $7 per hour (or whatever is reasonable) to come and do them. If difficult child has not got the money, then mom and dad take something of hers (cell phone, ipod, tv, game system, even clothes) to pawn shop or consignment shop. difficult child can get the item back if she has the money to pay for them. If not, she must do without.</p><p></p><p>difficult child may get angry and take or destroy something of moms and dads in retaliation. This is destruction of private property or stealing and is handled with a call to the cops and pressing charges against her. It is PERFECTLY LEGAL for a parent to take or sell something of a child's, even a teen childs, for almost any reason, while it is never allowed for the teen to return the favor. It isn't easy to follow through, and do NOT start if you will not press charges and insist that something be done. But it DOES work. </p><p></p><p>I took a Love and Logic seminar and as Dr. Fay Sr was describing this a guy commented loudly, "OMG! THAT is why she did that!!" Turns out he was a gym teacher and as a teen his mother had been to a L&L seminar and learned this. She did it with him and it really made him rethink some things. One time wasn't enough, but after doing it a couple of times he got the point and stopped taking her stuff and if he wanted to keep something he did his chores. </p><p></p><p>You may even have to go buy something really cool that she will just LOVE so that you can take it away and pawn it. It will be a bit frustrating but will give you mega leverage. That new wii or ipod or whatever that you can afford that she will enjoy youwill then take away (with NO advance warning of if you don't do your chores we will take this away - that defeats everything. You WANT the shock value as a fast attention getter. She already knows she is supposed to do the chores and that if she doesn't someone else will have to and she knows that she isn't allowed to take/damage your stuff. Don't keep telliing her this - just irritates both of you!)</p><p></p><p>I have to say it works. Just don't pay one of your other kids to do it. Pay yourself if you don't want a stranger to come in. </p><p></p><p>This is classic L&L, as is the NOT telling a child teh consequences and rules over and over. Kids know that the rules are the rules. they know that they are allowed this and not that. They will say otherwise but to believe them demeans both of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 428591, member: 1233"] I like the love and logic approach to this. The job of dishes is difficult children. If they are not done, then someone is hired at $7 per hour (or whatever is reasonable) to come and do them. If difficult child has not got the money, then mom and dad take something of hers (cell phone, ipod, tv, game system, even clothes) to pawn shop or consignment shop. difficult child can get the item back if she has the money to pay for them. If not, she must do without. difficult child may get angry and take or destroy something of moms and dads in retaliation. This is destruction of private property or stealing and is handled with a call to the cops and pressing charges against her. It is PERFECTLY LEGAL for a parent to take or sell something of a child's, even a teen childs, for almost any reason, while it is never allowed for the teen to return the favor. It isn't easy to follow through, and do NOT start if you will not press charges and insist that something be done. But it DOES work. I took a Love and Logic seminar and as Dr. Fay Sr was describing this a guy commented loudly, "OMG! THAT is why she did that!!" Turns out he was a gym teacher and as a teen his mother had been to a L&L seminar and learned this. She did it with him and it really made him rethink some things. One time wasn't enough, but after doing it a couple of times he got the point and stopped taking her stuff and if he wanted to keep something he did his chores. You may even have to go buy something really cool that she will just LOVE so that you can take it away and pawn it. It will be a bit frustrating but will give you mega leverage. That new wii or ipod or whatever that you can afford that she will enjoy youwill then take away (with NO advance warning of if you don't do your chores we will take this away - that defeats everything. You WANT the shock value as a fast attention getter. She already knows she is supposed to do the chores and that if she doesn't someone else will have to and she knows that she isn't allowed to take/damage your stuff. Don't keep telliing her this - just irritates both of you!) I have to say it works. Just don't pay one of your other kids to do it. Pay yourself if you don't want a stranger to come in. This is classic L&L, as is the NOT telling a child teh consequences and rules over and over. Kids know that the rules are the rules. they know that they are allowed this and not that. They will say otherwise but to believe them demeans both of you. [/QUOTE]
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