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Rough moment unrelated to difficult child kids
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 396600" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>My darling, I TOTALLY understand your feelings. I can remember many times wondering why I couldn't get even a few minutes to use the potty in peace. Not just the times when I had to take Jess into the bathroom with me to keep her safe, but ANY time. I started allowing myself anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes longer for certain errands that I had to do. I took a book with me, and brought a drink or stopped and got one and would go sit in a park and read or just be. My husband, kids and parents ALL thought I found some illegal drug like valium or was doing SOMETHING really major because I became so much calmer and more peaceful. It really made a GIANT difference in how I handled everything. In cold weather I put a blanket in the car to use at the park or I sat in the car or went into a favorite little diner for coffee or something. I tip well, so I was invited to sit there for as long as my little heart desired. I sacrificed a little sleep. </p><p> </p><p>My holiday gift to you is permission to take a "sanity break" at least one time every day.</p><p> </p><p>You are also to STOP responding to knocks on the door in ANY positive way. You MAY announce to the family that if the bathroom door is closed they are NOT to pound on it. They can use another bathroom, use a neighbors' bathroom, whiz on a tree (but NOT NOT NOT on an electric fence!) and solve their own problems if they cannot wait until you are done in there. You are to find a bath oil or salt or additive that you like and SPLURGE on it. You are NOT NOT NOT allowed to share it with ANYONE. </p><p> </p><p>You are to take time out to serve in a long relaxing bath. Let the family know that for the next 45 mins the bathroom is off limits and so are you. If a family member attempts to make contact with you or enter the room, you restart your 45 minutes. You are also to give them a chore or else respond with a snarl that lets them ALL know that you are severely stressed. </p><p> </p><p>While we all like to think we can be as unendingly sweet as the mom on Little House on the Prairie, it just is not reality. It is okay to let the kids see that you are stressed before your bath or break and to let them see you being much less stressed and nicer after the break. They need to learn this AND SO DO YOU.</p><p> </p><p>What will happen if you don't start insisting on sanity breaks and time to relax? Your body will mutiny on you. We are not designed physically or mentally to deal with this much stress on a never ending basis. It leads to nasty painful health problems that we cannot just ignore or move on from. Our bodies make us stop and it is NOT fun. I know firsthand. </p><p> </p><p>In the long run taking this time for yourself will be an amazing gift to your children and grandchildren. No, I am not smoking wacky tobacky. You will teach the kids that taking time to care for themselves is NOT a bad thing, that it is a normal, healthy habit like brushing their teeth. </p><p> </p><p>It all starts with adding a little time in here and there and to NOT giving them what they want when they won't let you shower or potty in peace. You may want to interrupt each of them during shower/bathroom time to illustrate how upsetting it is. I wouldn't go there first, but it may be needed with harder heads.</p><p> </p><p>As for the paperwork, is there some sort of system to keep the papers together? A special folder in the car, or a briefcase or file bag that he can EASILY put the papers into each time he gets one? Maybe you need to create system for him and use the same tools to teach him to use it. Or it may be way past that point and you should stick to the "it is your job, do it or else" that you have already said. </p><p> </p><p>Is it possible that there is some learning disability or issue that makes paperwork hard for him? He may not have a clue. husband's sister's husband did not realize that he had a form of dyslexia until he had a hard time reading to their son. He had learned to cope with it and thought everyone had those problems (small country town with NO help for this even if his parents had allowed the school to test him). He actually learned to read fluently by helping their son learn to read. I have dysgraphia and some dyscalculia and thought it was normal until college. If the kids have any problems like this, they may have a parent with similar problems. So he may truly dread the paperwork. </p><p> </p><p>It might be interesting to offer to do the papers for him if he gives you his paperwork by X time on Y day - IF and ONLY IF he will take over a chore that you do that takes a similar amount of time or that you despise doing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 396600, member: 1233"] My darling, I TOTALLY understand your feelings. I can remember many times wondering why I couldn't get even a few minutes to use the potty in peace. Not just the times when I had to take Jess into the bathroom with me to keep her safe, but ANY time. I started allowing myself anywhere from 15 to 30 minutes longer for certain errands that I had to do. I took a book with me, and brought a drink or stopped and got one and would go sit in a park and read or just be. My husband, kids and parents ALL thought I found some illegal drug like valium or was doing SOMETHING really major because I became so much calmer and more peaceful. It really made a GIANT difference in how I handled everything. In cold weather I put a blanket in the car to use at the park or I sat in the car or went into a favorite little diner for coffee or something. I tip well, so I was invited to sit there for as long as my little heart desired. I sacrificed a little sleep. My holiday gift to you is permission to take a "sanity break" at least one time every day. You are also to STOP responding to knocks on the door in ANY positive way. You MAY announce to the family that if the bathroom door is closed they are NOT to pound on it. They can use another bathroom, use a neighbors' bathroom, whiz on a tree (but NOT NOT NOT on an electric fence!) and solve their own problems if they cannot wait until you are done in there. You are to find a bath oil or salt or additive that you like and SPLURGE on it. You are NOT NOT NOT allowed to share it with ANYONE. You are to take time out to serve in a long relaxing bath. Let the family know that for the next 45 mins the bathroom is off limits and so are you. If a family member attempts to make contact with you or enter the room, you restart your 45 minutes. You are also to give them a chore or else respond with a snarl that lets them ALL know that you are severely stressed. While we all like to think we can be as unendingly sweet as the mom on Little House on the Prairie, it just is not reality. It is okay to let the kids see that you are stressed before your bath or break and to let them see you being much less stressed and nicer after the break. They need to learn this AND SO DO YOU. What will happen if you don't start insisting on sanity breaks and time to relax? Your body will mutiny on you. We are not designed physically or mentally to deal with this much stress on a never ending basis. It leads to nasty painful health problems that we cannot just ignore or move on from. Our bodies make us stop and it is NOT fun. I know firsthand. In the long run taking this time for yourself will be an amazing gift to your children and grandchildren. No, I am not smoking wacky tobacky. You will teach the kids that taking time to care for themselves is NOT a bad thing, that it is a normal, healthy habit like brushing their teeth. It all starts with adding a little time in here and there and to NOT giving them what they want when they won't let you shower or potty in peace. You may want to interrupt each of them during shower/bathroom time to illustrate how upsetting it is. I wouldn't go there first, but it may be needed with harder heads. As for the paperwork, is there some sort of system to keep the papers together? A special folder in the car, or a briefcase or file bag that he can EASILY put the papers into each time he gets one? Maybe you need to create system for him and use the same tools to teach him to use it. Or it may be way past that point and you should stick to the "it is your job, do it or else" that you have already said. Is it possible that there is some learning disability or issue that makes paperwork hard for him? He may not have a clue. husband's sister's husband did not realize that he had a form of dyslexia until he had a hard time reading to their son. He had learned to cope with it and thought everyone had those problems (small country town with NO help for this even if his parents had allowed the school to test him). He actually learned to read fluently by helping their son learn to read. I have dysgraphia and some dyscalculia and thought it was normal until college. If the kids have any problems like this, they may have a parent with similar problems. So he may truly dread the paperwork. It might be interesting to offer to do the papers for him if he gives you his paperwork by X time on Y day - IF and ONLY IF he will take over a chore that you do that takes a similar amount of time or that you despise doing. [/QUOTE]
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