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Rough weekend for difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 404502" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Janet, I do agree with you in part. For the most part. But when you have a difficult child with poor social skills, that's when it falls down. We've hadto get involved to a certain extent, in order for our boys to develop their own brand of coping skills.</p><p></p><p>For example - a easy child typical teen boy might get involved in the usual playground scuffle and sort it out himself, for the most part. But for our boys - people will tend to assume that the "disturbed" child is dangerous, out of control and needs to be punished. people (especially teachers and other parents) take it more seriously. Also, the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids tend to not 'get it' with the usual push-pull of relationships.</p><p></p><p>While it is a handy but unofficial rule to limit fighting to one-on-one and to also let the kids sort it out themselves, with our boys we had to make it clear - do not hit the other kid at all. Not hitting back, not starting anything. Because no matter how justified you feel, other people WILL latch on to the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) label and think badly of you. if you can say you never struck a blow, then it is a lot harder to be blamed.</p><p></p><p>It's not fair, but it is life.</p><p></p><p>We also found that it is a simpler rule for our Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) boys to follow. Over time, it has made it easier for them to learn how to handle conflict at an adult level. However, it has meant careful monitoring and support when there are problems, in order to model for them the right way to behave. We could never cope with them if we left them to it, to handle it themselves entirely.</p><p></p><p>It's not the same as helicopter parents of easy child kids who don't give their kids a chance to develop their own skills. At least those kids do have the innate capacity to cope. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids do not. Not until they are led towards it and carefully taught.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 404502, member: 1991"] Janet, I do agree with you in part. For the most part. But when you have a difficult child with poor social skills, that's when it falls down. We've hadto get involved to a certain extent, in order for our boys to develop their own brand of coping skills. For example - a easy child typical teen boy might get involved in the usual playground scuffle and sort it out himself, for the most part. But for our boys - people will tend to assume that the "disturbed" child is dangerous, out of control and needs to be punished. people (especially teachers and other parents) take it more seriously. Also, the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids tend to not 'get it' with the usual push-pull of relationships. While it is a handy but unofficial rule to limit fighting to one-on-one and to also let the kids sort it out themselves, with our boys we had to make it clear - do not hit the other kid at all. Not hitting back, not starting anything. Because no matter how justified you feel, other people WILL latch on to the Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) label and think badly of you. if you can say you never struck a blow, then it is a lot harder to be blamed. It's not fair, but it is life. We also found that it is a simpler rule for our Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) boys to follow. Over time, it has made it easier for them to learn how to handle conflict at an adult level. However, it has meant careful monitoring and support when there are problems, in order to model for them the right way to behave. We could never cope with them if we left them to it, to handle it themselves entirely. It's not the same as helicopter parents of easy child kids who don't give their kids a chance to develop their own skills. At least those kids do have the innate capacity to cope. Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids do not. Not until they are led towards it and carefully taught. Marg [/QUOTE]
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