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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 683900" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Fears are not realities. I worked in prisons many years. With people like your daughter. Actually, most of them were like her. I have hardly ever met people who do not learn. If she needs to go to prison, so be it. She will learn there. I have never met a person who does not have some kind of bottom.</p><p></p><p>I hate to be brutal, but what in the world can you do to stop her? As long as you or anybody else is there to take the consequences or part of them, she will not learn.</p><p></p><p>From my experience the fear must be faced. Your fear. The way I see it is that it is about protecting yourself right now. Making it so that you can get through your days and nights. It is not about her, right now. She has shown you in every single way that your support is not what she is seeking. She does not take into account what you want. </p><p></p><p>I would do my best to insulate myself and to make it clear to her what your conditions are to have any contact at all. If it is too painful perhaps you might want to limit contact altogether. It gets to the point sometimes where our children's relationships of necessity must be between themselves and the system. It sounds as if your daughter may have gotten to that point.</p><p></p><p>I am so very sorry that it has come to this. You have done every single thing that any good parent would have done, could have done. Except to take care of yourself.</p><p></p><p>Let me sum up in this way: Your thinking that she may be one of those people without a bottom is not helping you. Whether she is or is not one of those people will be decided by her. What she does or does not do, or learns, is not one bit within your control. Your fears are yours. They only serve to frighten you. If there is a way that you can calm yourself, it would be a good thing.</p><p></p><p>Remember. Suffering for her will not help. Some of us (me) have the irrational sense that if I suffer for my child, it will help. It does not. It only makes me suffer.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 683900, member: 18958"] Fears are not realities. I worked in prisons many years. With people like your daughter. Actually, most of them were like her. I have hardly ever met people who do not learn. If she needs to go to prison, so be it. She will learn there. I have never met a person who does not have some kind of bottom. I hate to be brutal, but what in the world can you do to stop her? As long as you or anybody else is there to take the consequences or part of them, she will not learn. From my experience the fear must be faced. Your fear. The way I see it is that it is about protecting yourself right now. Making it so that you can get through your days and nights. It is not about her, right now. She has shown you in every single way that your support is not what she is seeking. She does not take into account what you want. I would do my best to insulate myself and to make it clear to her what your conditions are to have any contact at all. If it is too painful perhaps you might want to limit contact altogether. It gets to the point sometimes where our children's relationships of necessity must be between themselves and the system. It sounds as if your daughter may have gotten to that point. I am so very sorry that it has come to this. You have done every single thing that any good parent would have done, could have done. Except to take care of yourself. Let me sum up in this way: Your thinking that she may be one of those people without a bottom is not helping you. Whether she is or is not one of those people will be decided by her. What she does or does not do, or learns, is not one bit within your control. Your fears are yours. They only serve to frighten you. If there is a way that you can calm yourself, it would be a good thing. Remember. Suffering for her will not help. Some of us (me) have the irrational sense that if I suffer for my child, it will help. It does not. It only makes me suffer. [/QUOTE]
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