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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 683924" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>Thanks all. I couldn't go to work today. I could not go in and face the whispers and looks of sympathy or judgment. Not today. Because our town is so small, half knew before I did. She was already out before I knew. </p><p></p><p>I know to expect her outrageous behavior, bad decisions, hateful outbursts...but just when I think she can't go any lower, she proves me wrong. So like a storm, just when I get rebuilt and begin to relax, she knocks my legs out from under me. The important part is that I don't just lay there. The quicker I get back up, the better it is for me. Some events are harder to bounce back from than others. </p><p></p><p>SWOT - She damage her frontal lobe, along with other parts of her brain. She already wasn't rational or responsible. She is so much worse now. They aren't sure if the Borderline (BPD) became full blown from the meth use or the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). I personally think, looking back, the meth brought it to the forefront and the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) has jus intensified it. She is not the same person I raised at all. I don't know this person. I am afraid of and for this person. </p><p></p><p>Leafy - It is a pile of cap. And I keep stepping in it and dragging it across my carpet. Sheesh. </p><p></p><p>Copa - My big fear is because she has had several suicide attempts, one nearly successful, since she started meth. It is worse now. I am afraid she is going to accidentally succeed. That is where my huge fear come from - overdose or successful suicide. She is so, so reckless. </p><p></p><p>I will be ok. I always am. I am in my shell for a few days and then I will come back out. I have to. I have a great job, amazing husband, and good friends. I have a blessed life and I won't let anything or anyone keep me from living it. </p><p></p><p>But today I am still afraid, angry and sad. I haven't reached out to her and won't. She won't reach out to me unless she thinks there is something to gain, and she knows there isn't. </p><p></p><p>Today I am going to be by myself and try to go back to living. I will be full on by tomorrow.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 683924, member: 19905"] Thanks all. I couldn't go to work today. I could not go in and face the whispers and looks of sympathy or judgment. Not today. Because our town is so small, half knew before I did. She was already out before I knew. I know to expect her outrageous behavior, bad decisions, hateful outbursts...but just when I think she can't go any lower, she proves me wrong. So like a storm, just when I get rebuilt and begin to relax, she knocks my legs out from under me. The important part is that I don't just lay there. The quicker I get back up, the better it is for me. Some events are harder to bounce back from than others. SWOT - She damage her frontal lobe, along with other parts of her brain. She already wasn't rational or responsible. She is so much worse now. They aren't sure if the Borderline (BPD) became full blown from the meth use or the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI). I personally think, looking back, the meth brought it to the forefront and the Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) has jus intensified it. She is not the same person I raised at all. I don't know this person. I am afraid of and for this person. Leafy - It is a pile of cap. And I keep stepping in it and dragging it across my carpet. Sheesh. Copa - My big fear is because she has had several suicide attempts, one nearly successful, since she started meth. It is worse now. I am afraid she is going to accidentally succeed. That is where my huge fear come from - overdose or successful suicide. She is so, so reckless. I will be ok. I always am. I am in my shell for a few days and then I will come back out. I have to. I have a great job, amazing husband, and good friends. I have a blessed life and I won't let anything or anyone keep me from living it. But today I am still afraid, angry and sad. I haven't reached out to her and won't. She won't reach out to me unless she thinks there is something to gain, and she knows there isn't. Today I am going to be by myself and try to go back to living. I will be full on by tomorrow. [/QUOTE]
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