Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by mog, Aug 18, 2010.

  1. mog

    mog Member

    Ugh! It has been a rough time lately. Let me remind you that husband is now on SSI- disability. We have to pay back the temp. disability we got while waiting for approval. Monthly amount is about a third of what he was making. We owe more back than he will be getting. I lost my job and we have used up every savings account and cashed in our IRA to keep afloat. difficult child was giving me a guilt trip for not going to see him this weekend (husband's B-day) because we had to move bio daughter to college. Well it just keeps getting better. We have spend a lot of money on car repairs for her to get the car ready.
    husband and bio's boyfriend were in our van on Wednesday when they were t-boned by a truck. Thankfully they both are ok but they are telling us that the van may be a total loss.
    Friday on our way down to Las Cruces our car broke down. We had it towed to a friends where it sat all weekend while we rented a car -moved all her belongs from one vehicle to another to still get her down there to move her in on time. Left our house Friday morning 9 ish -should have been to our destination by 1 but were unable to get a rental until 5:30 so we got in late.
    Get to her apartment on campus to move her in to find out that it was a disgusting mess---I ended up cleaning (scrubbing shelves,bathroom,floors you name it. Ended up staying another night because it was not finished.
    Left later than we wanted because biodaughter and stepson wanted me to get them a sam's club membership. Had to drive all the way home to get the car trailer to bring home the car --so we went an hour back to drop off the car then another hour home after being on the road all day.
    We now don't know what is going to happen with either vehicle. difficult child called tonight for family therapy and AGAIN I get blamed for playing favorites and abandonment.
    Anybody got any advise???
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I have no personal experience with this (I have a single child) but I did want to tell you that I hope things turn around for your family soon.
  3. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child will just have to wallow in his pity party while you figure out your other messes. He will get over it.

    Wish I had some ideas about paying back the assistance. Seems very strange that you have to pay back more than you will be getting. Have you tried to get case manager to work with you?
  4. Fran

    Fran Former desparate mom

    Sounds like when one thing goes bad, everything goes down the tubes. Hope tomorrow brings better results and energy.
  5. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    I think you have plenty enough on your plate that HAS to be dealt with, without taking on additional stuff of you grown kids. They need to be taking responsibility for cleaning, not you, and emotional weight regarding their own issues, not you. You are talking about both being over 18yo right?
  6. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I would also look into that payback of the temp disability. I know what you are talking about but I didnt think you had to payback more than you got. I would check with the SS lawyer.

    The accident...the other driver was at fault right? Call your insurance company and get them on the ball to handle your car mess. Hopefully they can get you a rental or if your car is totaled you can get the money soon to go get another car. If the other car wasnt insured, dont forget that is why you have uninsured motorist.

    Your grown kids can do their own work for themselves. They are grown!
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. What a mess.
    You are an awfully nice mom to scrub the apt like that. Did you do it together or do all the work yourself? I hope you were able to do it together.
    Best of luck with-your car.
    I have no idea what to do or say about the disability. Sounds odd, on the face of it. Others here can help. I can offer a hug.
    I had a day like that yesterday. Luckily, it wasn't anything major, but still, when one thing goes wrong, everything does. Dentist, broken vacuum cleaner, broken sewing machine, broken purse, out-of-the-blue gutter estimate, taking care of P, dealing with-easy child's last min scramble to get everything she needed for school when she had all summer, and another huge storm and leaking roof.
    Luckily, there was lightning so I didn't have to go to difficult child's football parents' mtng on the field.
  8. mog

    mog Member

    OK -the disability issue is that they estimated we would get so much back and paid us accordingly then when he got approved for ssi -we were suppose to get back pay which we will but the amount that we owe the disability is more than the back pay due to their estimation. But, since we did get paid that amount , that is what we owe back but the payback will not be enough to cover it. I tried to talk to the case manager but she was a witch --no care at all.

    Thank you! Cleaning was done by both of us. I did not feel right leaving her in that huge mess. I wanted to make sure that everything got disinfected before she started using it.

    The two kids that wants the sam's club card are 18 but could not get a membership on their own.

    difficult child is still trying to make me feel guilty but oh well.

    The car is now in the shop--they are suppose to call about the van in the morning to see about the rental car.

    Thanks for your support and advise!
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hope you are not driving around in your rental car and that difficult child finds a good book to read in a corner, away from you somewhere!
  10. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Hey Mog,

    With regards to SSI? You had to have an attorney right? Go back to him and say LOOK - NO ONE can live on 2/3'rds of their supposed income. You need to lower the payment over a longer period of time or something. They did do that with DF. By the time he got his "settlement" we were so broke we couldn't even pay attention. We had sold everything - stocks, bonds, vehicles, motorcycle, boat....and everyone said "Well you SHOULD have that BIG settle ment coming?" (them thinking woo hoo party at the Dragonass Ranch) and yeah let me tell you it took SSI nearly 5 years and three times they lost DF's social security card and Birth certificate - okay not a big deal - YOU tell that to the 98 year old woman that runs the post office/vital statistics/quiliting bee/grainery scale in poe-dunk No-Dakey....and have her climb up and down the steep wooden basement steps to the records room in the Spring, now the Winter - and Oh uffda - for sure dare - dats a lot of boxes and we have to wait until da boys come in frum bailing, now cultivating, now calvin....YEAH!!.....feel your pain like you can't believe.

    So when Workers Comp finally got their head out of their .......tail pipe, and SSI didn't turn him down the third time and everyone actually SAW me sitting in the room (oh is that a real hat Star? Purple wide brim, with feathers like Huggy Bear from Starsky and Hutch?) yeaaaaaahs it is. We finally got some money - BUT then ssi SAID - oh YOU OWE, YOU OWE.....AND that IS WHEN WE WENT BACK TO THE LAME=O ATTORNEY.

    SO THATs my advice on that.

    As far as the car and cleaning and all that other stuff? I think you did well. I mean nothing there was anything you couldn't NOT do - so you did it, it's done. and NOW you can relax. GOOD FOR YOU.

    difficult child? I need, I need, YOU ARE NOT FAIR. Ahhhhhh the proverbial WHINER....MEMEMEMEm.......eeeeee. I would call his therapist or counselor and explain that his phone calls to you and your house are upsetting. You and your house are ALSO trying to unmesh from his behaviors and YOUR THERAPIST (insert my name if you must) suggested that perhaps scheduled telephone calls would be best instead of allowing him random access to calling you with guilt trip " I NEED< you DON'T, YOU THIS , YOU THAT," because Residential Treatment Center (RTC) should be about HIM HIM HIM not YOU YOU YOU. This is an unproductive thing he is doing, it's becoming a bad habit, and before it becomes a habit period? You want him monitored. yes you want him to call.....NO you do not want him to call randomly with his 'guilt trips" . Maybe he could talk to you when the counselor is in the room with him? THAT should cut down the FEEL SO SORRY FOR ME bullcarp. The other thing I would suggest is Caller ID. See his name? Don't answer. Counselors number would be different than the phone clients use ---so that would tell you who it is.

    Okay - now he's on SSI - and you are unemployed? There are a lot of programs out there to assist you until you get back on your feet. PM me - and let me know where you are and I'll tell you about what I found so far where I am. Federal is federal - so it should help you too. There should be state assistance too - you just don't know (like I didn't either) where to go to ask for help. Also prescriptions.

    hUGS & LOVE