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Round and Round we go...sorry long
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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 439738" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>Hi Sharon, I feel ya! Have you considered that your 13 yr old may have a yeast infection, jock itch, heat rash or some such going on, if he is forever scratching his "nether regions"? Is there a possibility that he might have had some se_ual exposure or adventure and picked something undesirable up? Might be worth checking into, just to eliminate this as a potential reason, before talking about behavioral issues.</p><p></p><p>That door business - I've been through the door kicking and hole punching with mine [sheetrock in our case in our previous house] - I told him straight up - you put a hole into a door - any door - and I will take yours off your room and use it as a replacement for the one you damaged, and = until you earn the money to buy a replacement door - you will be doorless. </p><p></p><p>When he started eye-ing the windows and french doors trying to come up with the nerve to break them, I told him the following - you break one, and I will take your windows off the frame in your room, close of your AC vent and you will suffer [fortunately he wasn't smart enough to make the connection that potentially without a door and no windows in his room the entire house would be miserably hot or cold] - but those two threats kept the house damage to a minimum in our old house. We've moved since and are renting a place until I can afford to buy a used MH for our rural country property. This house has an unfinished and uninsulated basement with huge old wooden doors [garage door size]. When we first moved here, he was still trapped in his worst of all times Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) rituals and related anger issues - and I made the following clear to him - if he would do as much as damage a single wall, door etc = he would be moving into the basement. We got close once - and I made him starting to pack his things to go down below [you can't access the basement through the house, you need to walk around to get in] and I did make him spend a night outside in the backyard [since he refused to go into the basement]. </p><p></p><p>He had just turned 17 at that time - and lo and behold - me being tired, irritable and fed up with all the terrible issues we have been dealing with since age 14 - helped him pull his s**t together. While he still has some minor Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) rituals and issues, the threat of living in the basement motivated him to begin working on dealing with it [what 3 years of talking until I'm blue in the face, vitamins, and all types of literature has not managed to accomplish]. While he is not perfect, and still occasionally has days where I am tempted to put him out, it also worries him enough to try harder to deal with his fears, anxieties, and he is approachable to discuss issues and problems in a more adult fashion now. I know if I had continued the soft supportive and loving approach, we'd still be in the same circumstances than we were before or worse off.</p><p></p><p>I realize that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) does not fall into the same category of your sons issues, and the tough love approach may not have helped with mine when he was that age and just got started with his first rituals etc. It should get you somewhere with your older daughter though - at 17 you should be able to expect a certain amount of maturity, especially since she is not as troubled as your younger difficult child is?</p><p></p><p>With two of them acting like this, you will soon not have any sanity left, if you do not detach a bit and give serious consequences to the behavior they are displaying. The tough love approach saved my sanity, helped me get myself back together, as it allowed me to deal with my own anger towards the distructiveness of my son. I regret that I cannot show my love for him freely the way I used to when he was younger, but he sees this as a softening stance and will try to take advantage of it, so a bit detachment goes a long way in our case of keeping him motivated to behave appropriately and to continue to work on dealing with his issues. Put your foot down, set new rules, consequences when they are broken - and most importantly - follow through with them. You will have to leave your comfort zone to get somewhere with this, but you really aren't comfortable right now anyways, right?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 439738, member: 12241"] Hi Sharon, I feel ya! Have you considered that your 13 yr old may have a yeast infection, jock itch, heat rash or some such going on, if he is forever scratching his "nether regions"? Is there a possibility that he might have had some se_ual exposure or adventure and picked something undesirable up? Might be worth checking into, just to eliminate this as a potential reason, before talking about behavioral issues. That door business - I've been through the door kicking and hole punching with mine [sheetrock in our case in our previous house] - I told him straight up - you put a hole into a door - any door - and I will take yours off your room and use it as a replacement for the one you damaged, and = until you earn the money to buy a replacement door - you will be doorless. When he started eye-ing the windows and french doors trying to come up with the nerve to break them, I told him the following - you break one, and I will take your windows off the frame in your room, close of your AC vent and you will suffer [fortunately he wasn't smart enough to make the connection that potentially without a door and no windows in his room the entire house would be miserably hot or cold] - but those two threats kept the house damage to a minimum in our old house. We've moved since and are renting a place until I can afford to buy a used MH for our rural country property. This house has an unfinished and uninsulated basement with huge old wooden doors [garage door size]. When we first moved here, he was still trapped in his worst of all times Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) rituals and related anger issues - and I made the following clear to him - if he would do as much as damage a single wall, door etc = he would be moving into the basement. We got close once - and I made him starting to pack his things to go down below [you can't access the basement through the house, you need to walk around to get in] and I did make him spend a night outside in the backyard [since he refused to go into the basement]. He had just turned 17 at that time - and lo and behold - me being tired, irritable and fed up with all the terrible issues we have been dealing with since age 14 - helped him pull his s**t together. While he still has some minor Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) rituals and issues, the threat of living in the basement motivated him to begin working on dealing with it [what 3 years of talking until I'm blue in the face, vitamins, and all types of literature has not managed to accomplish]. While he is not perfect, and still occasionally has days where I am tempted to put him out, it also worries him enough to try harder to deal with his fears, anxieties, and he is approachable to discuss issues and problems in a more adult fashion now. I know if I had continued the soft supportive and loving approach, we'd still be in the same circumstances than we were before or worse off. I realize that Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) does not fall into the same category of your sons issues, and the tough love approach may not have helped with mine when he was that age and just got started with his first rituals etc. It should get you somewhere with your older daughter though - at 17 you should be able to expect a certain amount of maturity, especially since she is not as troubled as your younger difficult child is? With two of them acting like this, you will soon not have any sanity left, if you do not detach a bit and give serious consequences to the behavior they are displaying. The tough love approach saved my sanity, helped me get myself back together, as it allowed me to deal with my own anger towards the distructiveness of my son. I regret that I cannot show my love for him freely the way I used to when he was younger, but he sees this as a softening stance and will try to take advantage of it, so a bit detachment goes a long way in our case of keeping him motivated to behave appropriately and to continue to work on dealing with his issues. Put your foot down, set new rules, consequences when they are broken - and most importantly - follow through with them. You will have to leave your comfort zone to get somewhere with this, but you really aren't comfortable right now anyways, right? [/QUOTE]
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