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General Parenting
Round and Round we go...sorry long
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<blockquote data-quote="Fran" data-source="post: 440173" data-attributes="member: 3"><p>Your kids remind me of those couples who constantly bicker and fight and stay in a toxic relationship. Those couples don't see it as negative and damaging as those around them do. </p><p>These two don't like each other. Frankly, I don't think difficult child has that much self realization or reflection to care much about easy child/difficult child. His self absorption and unusual thinking doesn't seem conducive to empathy or even that he is offensive. There is very little self regulation. </p><p> I think easy child/difficult child just hates what chaos difficult child brings to your lives. difficult child DOES tend to ruin everything. difficult child/easy child speaks the truth there. Tolerance in a sibling has limits. She isn't handling it well and I doubt it will improve until she is away from him. They are toxic and difficult child is a huge trigger. Pulling his pants down and playing with his butt or any other parts is provocative and guaranteed to have a blow up from either easy child or you guys. I don't think her outrage at his behavior is abnormal or excessive and is warranted. How she channels her anger and outrage leaves a lot to be desired. </p><p>I feel for her. I think she has lived with a sibling who is way more than annoying. He has abnormal and some perverse behaviors. How many years did she have to live with it before your easy child daughter started down the road of difficult child? </p><p>You and husband chose to adopt a child with special needs. She didn't have a choice. She has a multitude of issues she deals with but difficult child hasn't allowed her to learn better coping techniques or she is so disgusted with her home life that she doesn't want to learn anymore. I suspect the fallout from a lifetime with difficult child will leave her angry and bitter not to mention not anxious to be back home when difficult child is there. </p><p>I'm sorry to say all of this but she was a wonderful easy child daughter until adolescence. I know my easy child has scars from the trauma of having a difficult child brother in his early years and it wasn't to the level of intensity that your family lives with. I'm sure she sees nothing likeable in her brother or how she feels her parents tolerate him. </p><p></p><p>She has to learn that despite difficult child's behavior, he is not a throw away. We all try to limit the fall out. Hopefully she will understand.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Fran, post: 440173, member: 3"] Your kids remind me of those couples who constantly bicker and fight and stay in a toxic relationship. Those couples don't see it as negative and damaging as those around them do. These two don't like each other. Frankly, I don't think difficult child has that much self realization or reflection to care much about easy child/difficult child. His self absorption and unusual thinking doesn't seem conducive to empathy or even that he is offensive. There is very little self regulation. I think easy child/difficult child just hates what chaos difficult child brings to your lives. difficult child DOES tend to ruin everything. difficult child/easy child speaks the truth there. Tolerance in a sibling has limits. She isn't handling it well and I doubt it will improve until she is away from him. They are toxic and difficult child is a huge trigger. Pulling his pants down and playing with his butt or any other parts is provocative and guaranteed to have a blow up from either easy child or you guys. I don't think her outrage at his behavior is abnormal or excessive and is warranted. How she channels her anger and outrage leaves a lot to be desired. I feel for her. I think she has lived with a sibling who is way more than annoying. He has abnormal and some perverse behaviors. How many years did she have to live with it before your easy child daughter started down the road of difficult child? You and husband chose to adopt a child with special needs. She didn't have a choice. She has a multitude of issues she deals with but difficult child hasn't allowed her to learn better coping techniques or she is so disgusted with her home life that she doesn't want to learn anymore. I suspect the fallout from a lifetime with difficult child will leave her angry and bitter not to mention not anxious to be back home when difficult child is there. I'm sorry to say all of this but she was a wonderful easy child daughter until adolescence. I know my easy child has scars from the trauma of having a difficult child brother in his early years and it wasn't to the level of intensity that your family lives with. I'm sure she sees nothing likeable in her brother or how she feels her parents tolerate him. She has to learn that despite difficult child's behavior, he is not a throw away. We all try to limit the fall out. Hopefully she will understand. [/QUOTE]
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