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Rudeness and cleaning
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752370" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>It is probably very sad and disappointing when a beloved child who we were very close to suddenly changes this way. I think perhaps it may be harder to accept than if the child was always at odds with us, as my daughter was. But I guess substance abuse and life can change our kids. But it has to be very difficult.</p><p></p><p>Kay never cleaned and my husband and I threatened consequences but always felt too sorry for her to follow through. You are way ahead of some of us in knowing what has to be done. You give such good advice. I do know that it is easier to see somebody else's problem than one we are emotionally involved in. </p><p></p><p>Kay was married and in the house we bought her by 21. She had no idea how to keep up a house. It overwhelmed her. She would call me crying that it was too hard and that she could not do it.</p><p></p><p> I ended up doing it for her. I cleaned and even did her laundry and sometimes cooked. Sometimes I did this with Kay abusing me at the same time. When I would tiredly ask her if she could just offer me a thank you she would say that she hadn't asked me to clean her house. This was true. She called crying but never asked me to do it. Of course she knew I would though.</p><p></p><p>I wish i had not done it. Nor should I have thought that if she had a house of her own she would want to keep it clean. I was thinking as myself, not her. It is easy to project what we would do onto our child.</p><p></p><p>I think your instincts are good. I wish I had followed mine. I learned from someone in Al Anon to trust my gut. If I feel I should do something I now follow that more than my mind and even heart. My gut is most accurate. I can feel when something is right or wrong for me.</p><p></p><p>God bless.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752370, member: 23706"] It is probably very sad and disappointing when a beloved child who we were very close to suddenly changes this way. I think perhaps it may be harder to accept than if the child was always at odds with us, as my daughter was. But I guess substance abuse and life can change our kids. But it has to be very difficult. Kay never cleaned and my husband and I threatened consequences but always felt too sorry for her to follow through. You are way ahead of some of us in knowing what has to be done. You give such good advice. I do know that it is easier to see somebody else's problem than one we are emotionally involved in. Kay was married and in the house we bought her by 21. She had no idea how to keep up a house. It overwhelmed her. She would call me crying that it was too hard and that she could not do it. I ended up doing it for her. I cleaned and even did her laundry and sometimes cooked. Sometimes I did this with Kay abusing me at the same time. When I would tiredly ask her if she could just offer me a thank you she would say that she hadn't asked me to clean her house. This was true. She called crying but never asked me to do it. Of course she knew I would though. I wish i had not done it. Nor should I have thought that if she had a house of her own she would want to keep it clean. I was thinking as myself, not her. It is easy to project what we would do onto our child. I think your instincts are good. I wish I had followed mine. I learned from someone in Al Anon to trust my gut. If I feel I should do something I now follow that more than my mind and even heart. My gut is most accurate. I can feel when something is right or wrong for me. God bless. [/QUOTE]
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