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Rudeness and cleaning
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 752375" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>I was just thinking</p><p></p><p>Thank you, Busy. What you said hit a lot of truths for me . </p><p></p><p>It is way easier to help other people with boundaries than to apply your own .I struggle with it regularly. I think my problem with my daughter is I am trying to find out why she changed (analyzing her) when I need to keep the focus on me. What do I need? What do I want? </p><p></p><p>I have cleaned my childrens' rooms in the past. I think that is how we got here. My daughter's room has always been very messy but it has taken on new proportions. Clothes and towels all over the floor. She does nothing all day except lay around in her PJs on her bed on her phone . She does the occasional homework and attends class twice a week, has 2 online classes. </p><p></p><p>At school, when she lived in the dorms, I went once and cleaned her room for her - it took me hours for a tiny room. All of her clothes were dirty . She had depression and said she couldn't function. She seemed very grateful I cleaned for her .</p><p></p><p>Here at home (we decided to not send her back to dorms) ,I don't comment on her room, I don't look at her room but once a month when I require both young adults to wash their sheets, sweep and mop, and dust . She drags it out. Says it will be done by the end of the week, then doesnt do anything until Sunday , then only washes sheets. I have to get after her to do the rest which she then claims got done while I wasn't home. She lies all the time .</p><p></p><p>Even now after telling her about the bathroom , and taking away seeing her friend , she has not done any work on it. </p><p></p><p>She has been playing the victim for years : claims she was emotionally abused by my husband's dry drunk behavior and while there was some of that, she exaggerates it to play the victim card. And now she has a new situation : she went on a date at school first semester and SHE pushed the sex with him. I was telling her to slow it down etc but she was determined. They had sex 3rd date and he dumped her . But she didn't tell anybody about it .She claimed clothes stayed on and he dumped her after making out . And she started cutting. For a whole year and gained 60 pounds. (she had an eating disorder before) . Just recently she told me that they had sex and after she told me she stopped cutting. I asked her whether he forced himself on her and she said no. She never told him no and went through with it (her first time) but then started calling it sexual assault. I don't know what to believe because she lies so much. </p><p></p><p>I listened to a talk on narcissistic adult children today and she displays every last characteristic of it. </p><p></p><p>I need to forget how things used to be , and face what they are now. </p><p></p><p>So with her not doing the bathroom and therefore not using my car to see her friend, do I clean the bathroom? It needs to be done.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 752375, member: 24254"] I was just thinking Thank you, Busy. What you said hit a lot of truths for me . It is way easier to help other people with boundaries than to apply your own .I struggle with it regularly. I think my problem with my daughter is I am trying to find out why she changed (analyzing her) when I need to keep the focus on me. What do I need? What do I want? I have cleaned my childrens' rooms in the past. I think that is how we got here. My daughter's room has always been very messy but it has taken on new proportions. Clothes and towels all over the floor. She does nothing all day except lay around in her PJs on her bed on her phone . She does the occasional homework and attends class twice a week, has 2 online classes. At school, when she lived in the dorms, I went once and cleaned her room for her - it took me hours for a tiny room. All of her clothes were dirty . She had depression and said she couldn't function. She seemed very grateful I cleaned for her . Here at home (we decided to not send her back to dorms) ,I don't comment on her room, I don't look at her room but once a month when I require both young adults to wash their sheets, sweep and mop, and dust . She drags it out. Says it will be done by the end of the week, then doesnt do anything until Sunday , then only washes sheets. I have to get after her to do the rest which she then claims got done while I wasn't home. She lies all the time . Even now after telling her about the bathroom , and taking away seeing her friend , she has not done any work on it. She has been playing the victim for years : claims she was emotionally abused by my husband's dry drunk behavior and while there was some of that, she exaggerates it to play the victim card. And now she has a new situation : she went on a date at school first semester and SHE pushed the sex with him. I was telling her to slow it down etc but she was determined. They had sex 3rd date and he dumped her . But she didn't tell anybody about it .She claimed clothes stayed on and he dumped her after making out . And she started cutting. For a whole year and gained 60 pounds. (she had an eating disorder before) . Just recently she told me that they had sex and after she told me she stopped cutting. I asked her whether he forced himself on her and she said no. She never told him no and went through with it (her first time) but then started calling it sexual assault. I don't know what to believe because she lies so much. I listened to a talk on narcissistic adult children today and she displays every last characteristic of it. I need to forget how things used to be , and face what they are now. So with her not doing the bathroom and therefore not using my car to see her friend, do I clean the bathroom? It needs to be done. [/QUOTE]
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