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Rudeness and cleaning
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<blockquote data-quote="WiseChoices" data-source="post: 752451" data-attributes="member: 24254"><p>Copa, thank you so much for this. I cried reading it because it rings so very true. It's exactly what's going on, and I see how it is so very painful for both of us, my daughter and I.</p><p></p><p>You have first hand experience with this with your son. </p><p></p><p>It's like every time I give her more independence (dorms), she ends up taking advantage of me (lied about money, tried to extract more money out of me etc). So I apply boundaries and she gets mad. </p><p></p><p>With the cleaning, she did clean the bathroom sparkling clean, but is angry with me for setting boundaries, not talking to me, and this morning informing me she will try to get the job her brother is leaving (he got a better one). She already applied, so "she can get out of here when she graduates in May". It's definitely a step in the right direction, so my boundary setting must be working even if emotionally it separates us more. According to what you said, I have to bear that for the sake of her independence. And later , the relationship can change again when she is independent and we can relate to each other as two grown women.</p><p></p><p>This is hard! Thank you for the book suggestion. I will look into it. </p><p></p><p>My Mom did all the cleaning for everyone. She did all of our laundry. She insists on doing my laundry today when I visit. My sibling and I did grow up despite all of that. I clean, my sibling does not. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just let it all go , but then a voice says no, that my children are adults and if they want to live with me , they have to do their part. It teaches them responsibility, and participation, and models self respect. And for me it preserves that self respect I have today, because I would be angry every time I scrubbed down their bathroom.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="WiseChoices, post: 752451, member: 24254"] Copa, thank you so much for this. I cried reading it because it rings so very true. It's exactly what's going on, and I see how it is so very painful for both of us, my daughter and I. You have first hand experience with this with your son. It's like every time I give her more independence (dorms), she ends up taking advantage of me (lied about money, tried to extract more money out of me etc). So I apply boundaries and she gets mad. With the cleaning, she did clean the bathroom sparkling clean, but is angry with me for setting boundaries, not talking to me, and this morning informing me she will try to get the job her brother is leaving (he got a better one). She already applied, so "she can get out of here when she graduates in May". It's definitely a step in the right direction, so my boundary setting must be working even if emotionally it separates us more. According to what you said, I have to bear that for the sake of her independence. And later , the relationship can change again when she is independent and we can relate to each other as two grown women. This is hard! Thank you for the book suggestion. I will look into it. My Mom did all the cleaning for everyone. She did all of our laundry. She insists on doing my laundry today when I visit. My sibling and I did grow up despite all of that. I clean, my sibling does not. Sometimes, I wonder if I should just let it all go , but then a voice says no, that my children are adults and if they want to live with me , they have to do their part. It teaches them responsibility, and participation, and models self respect. And for me it preserves that self respect I have today, because I would be angry every time I scrubbed down their bathroom. [/QUOTE]
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