Hello Everyone, After almost 2 years I'm back. The last time I believe I wrote was my drug addicted son tried to kill me while in a psychotic state and I had to call the police to remove him. The swat team arrived and battered down my door removing him in the process. I incorrectly thought that would get him the help he needed (a mental health facility) but instead he was placed in jail. Granted, while it left me with PTSD it almost gave me a sense of relief and freedom that I'd been unable to have while he was under my roof. I had become so terrified of him and unable to get him to leave - living with him made my life hell. Eventually upon his release he found himself sharing an SRO (single room occupancy) in the worst area of our city. No one goes to that area unless they are part of that community and it's incredibly sad to see the hundreds of lost souls who wander the streets there. While I was "almost there" meaning I started really getting the gist of tough love and how my enabling had not helped him - I have slid back to being an enabler again. Why or Why did I do this? In a moment of weakness I thought bringing him groceries and checking up on him was still letting him know I cared for him but kept my distance. Eventually, I was going to that area every two weeks. The room was big enough for a single bed in a seedy rooming house which he and another younger person shared. It was infested with bugs in which case both their bodies were covered and they had developed infections. Both of them were really sick. They wanted to move but looking at their faces covered with welts and bug bites I thought no landlord would rent to these two by the way they looked. When they complained they were evicted and the only option for them was to get a tent and sleep outdoors. I told myself it was fine if it was warm weather but I couldn't have my son potentially dying in the freezing weather. I booked them in a hotel for two weeks so they could heal and honestly thought I was helping them until they found a new place. They slept the first week and the promise of getting ID (as neither of them have any) was a stop to them finding another place. It's now week 3 and the hotel (which is the only place in the city that would take them without ID charges 700 plus tax week). I've made a mistake as instead of getting better I have been fooled and they only get high and sleep all day. I will have a 3000 dollar bill on my charge card but I had told myself it was better than him wanting or showing up at my place. Yes, I realize I've made a mistake. I flip back and forth saying "that's it, never again" to "okay just this last time...." Yesterday , his friend phoned crying and begging me to come to the hotel as T was "flipping out" I was terrified but went as I feared for his friends safety. He begged me for money as he slept in and missed his methadone treatment and once again I feel I am being kept hostage by his addiction. Thank you for listening.