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<blockquote data-quote="Guidance seeker" data-source="post: 730454" data-attributes="member: 22632"><p>Hi Nature,</p><p></p><p>I really feel for you. I can understand how easy it is to slip back into enabling again as I have done it myself so many times and continue to do so up to a point.</p><p></p><p>You want your son to be so different. You want him to be safe and not suffering. It hurts you more than it hurts him to think of him homeless or in horrible accommodation.</p><p></p><p>It’s terrible that you’ve been put into a frightening situation yesterday and then for him to take advantage of you by asking for money.</p><p></p><p>I think that all you can do is look after yourself. He is probably taking up all of your thoughts and causing you huge anxiety but he could help himself if he really wanted to.</p><p>They aren’t appreciative of anything you’re doing for them and it’s costing you a fortune.</p><p></p><p>If you’re worried about him turning up at yours, you could take out a restraining order or contact the police and say you don’t want him there. I know it is so hard, as I have had to do it myself and it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, but you really need to prioritise your own safety and mental well-being as well as your finances.</p><p></p><p>When my son was homeless, we put him up in a hotel and he repaid our kindness by running up a huge bar bill (we weren’t aware he would be able to do this on the card we booked on). </p><p></p><p>Nothing you are doing now will help in the long term and where do you stop? He has to find the motivation to help himself. You can’t change him.</p><p></p><p>I hope things get better for you. Please put yourself first and look after yourself. None of this is your fault and you deserve better for yourself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Guidance seeker, post: 730454, member: 22632"] Hi Nature, I really feel for you. I can understand how easy it is to slip back into enabling again as I have done it myself so many times and continue to do so up to a point. You want your son to be so different. You want him to be safe and not suffering. It hurts you more than it hurts him to think of him homeless or in horrible accommodation. It’s terrible that you’ve been put into a frightening situation yesterday and then for him to take advantage of you by asking for money. I think that all you can do is look after yourself. He is probably taking up all of your thoughts and causing you huge anxiety but he could help himself if he really wanted to. They aren’t appreciative of anything you’re doing for them and it’s costing you a fortune. If you’re worried about him turning up at yours, you could take out a restraining order or contact the police and say you don’t want him there. I know it is so hard, as I have had to do it myself and it’s the hardest thing I have ever done, but you really need to prioritise your own safety and mental well-being as well as your finances. When my son was homeless, we put him up in a hotel and he repaid our kindness by running up a huge bar bill (we weren’t aware he would be able to do this on the card we booked on). Nothing you are doing now will help in the long term and where do you stop? He has to find the motivation to help himself. You can’t change him. I hope things get better for you. Please put yourself first and look after yourself. None of this is your fault and you deserve better for yourself. [/QUOTE]
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