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Sad and scared
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 736448" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Our kids grow up and make choices. When drugs are a choice, then become the main focus and goal, everything goes south for them. It is hard to witness this. Why would anyone deny family relationship? For my two, it is because they know we do not support their choice to use drugs and party, won’t give them a roof over their head while they continue to use, won’t accept the blame for their choices they try to guilt us into. You are not “all he has.” He has much more, but values his relationship with drugs over anything and everything. </p><p>What choice did you have? We offered refuge to my two many times before we realized the cycle. It became obvious that we had to get off that hamster wheel. It still wasn’t easy. </p><p>You need to feel what you have to, let it all out. If you find yourself spinning with the grief of this, get help. Anxiety is damaging to our health, and does nothing to change what just....is. I do understand how you feel. It is a process. You may find this strange, but I used to wish my two would go to jail. At least they would be off the streets. Have time to think about their choices. Now, I have let go of that, focusing on working on what I can control. Myself. I don’t know how my two continue to live as they do. I have learned over time that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change them. </p><p></p><p>It is ridiculous. As long as they can blame someone else, they don’t have to look at themselves in the mirror. </p><p></p><p>So true. We can’t control what they decide. But, we can decide to pull up and out of their path. There is nothing good that comes from our own simultaneous self destruction over their choices. That’s where I have placed the angst, sadness, all of the emotional wringing of hands. It becomes life sucking after awhile. There is no sacrifice of self we can make that will stop their choices. </p><p> Albie, this is so well stated, and so true. We become entrenched. Relationship patterns. Love says no. I love you, but will not go down the rabbit hole with you.</p><p>Grace, you can do this. Take one day at a time and find things to help you get your life back. </p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 736448, member: 19522"] Our kids grow up and make choices. When drugs are a choice, then become the main focus and goal, everything goes south for them. It is hard to witness this. Why would anyone deny family relationship? For my two, it is because they know we do not support their choice to use drugs and party, won’t give them a roof over their head while they continue to use, won’t accept the blame for their choices they try to guilt us into. You are not “all he has.” He has much more, but values his relationship with drugs over anything and everything. What choice did you have? We offered refuge to my two many times before we realized the cycle. It became obvious that we had to get off that hamster wheel. It still wasn’t easy. You need to feel what you have to, let it all out. If you find yourself spinning with the grief of this, get help. Anxiety is damaging to our health, and does nothing to change what just....is. I do understand how you feel. It is a process. You may find this strange, but I used to wish my two would go to jail. At least they would be off the streets. Have time to think about their choices. Now, I have let go of that, focusing on working on what I can control. Myself. I don’t know how my two continue to live as they do. I have learned over time that there is absolutely nothing I can do to change them. It is ridiculous. As long as they can blame someone else, they don’t have to look at themselves in the mirror. So true. We can’t control what they decide. But, we can decide to pull up and out of their path. There is nothing good that comes from our own simultaneous self destruction over their choices. That’s where I have placed the angst, sadness, all of the emotional wringing of hands. It becomes life sucking after awhile. There is no sacrifice of self we can make that will stop their choices. Albie, this is so well stated, and so true. We become entrenched. Relationship patterns. Love says no. I love you, but will not go down the rabbit hole with you. Grace, you can do this. Take one day at a time and find things to help you get your life back. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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