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Substance Abuse
Sad and scared
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 736476" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>Yup, I remember those days. Albie is right . . . this is the thinking of an addict.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, because we love them, we start falling right into their trap and let them convince us that we are the ones that should fix their problems. That is where co-dependency comes into play.</p><p></p><p>It took me ten years of hell and two years of therapy before I came to the realization that I had no power to change my daughter's thinking or behaviors. The only person I had the power to change was me.</p><p></p><p>Once I let go and set firm boundaries, my daughter got sober and has been sober now for over two years. I am sure her five stays in residential treatment also helped. But the bottom line was that I had to learn that her problems were not mine to fix.</p><p></p><p>Many on the SA forum have found a combination of therapy and twelve-step groups like AlAnon, NarAnon, or Families Anonymous have helped us learn to stop enabling our troubled loved ones. Posting on this board was also a life-saver for me. All of us have walked in your shoes and faced the same tough decisions and are here with advice and support.</p><p></p><p>When I first became a member over 10 years ago, someone told me about the three C's from AlAnon:</p><p></p><p></p><p>I would add a fourth C: We have to learn how to <strong>cope</strong> with it so that it doesn't ruin our lives.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 736476, member: 1967"] Yup, I remember those days. Albie is right . . . this is the thinking of an addict. Sadly, because we love them, we start falling right into their trap and let them convince us that we are the ones that should fix their problems. That is where co-dependency comes into play. It took me ten years of hell and two years of therapy before I came to the realization that I had no power to change my daughter's thinking or behaviors. The only person I had the power to change was me. Once I let go and set firm boundaries, my daughter got sober and has been sober now for over two years. I am sure her five stays in residential treatment also helped. But the bottom line was that I had to learn that her problems were not mine to fix. Many on the SA forum have found a combination of therapy and twelve-step groups like AlAnon, NarAnon, or Families Anonymous have helped us learn to stop enabling our troubled loved ones. Posting on this board was also a life-saver for me. All of us have walked in your shoes and faced the same tough decisions and are here with advice and support. When I first became a member over 10 years ago, someone told me about the three C's from AlAnon: I would add a fourth C: We have to learn how to [B]cope[/B] with it so that it doesn't ruin our lives. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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