My difficult child will be nine in a couple of months. Back in January we hit a climax; he was so violent, so dangerous, that I was honestly considering letting myself be arrested for child abandonment so the state would take custody of him. His psychiatrist put him on 400mg Seroquel, which he thought would sedate him enough to keep us safe until I could get him into residential treatment. I started the paperwork, and then miracle of miracles, about a month after we started the Seroquel, difficult child seemed to turn into a new child. Certainly still quirky, he still would lie easily and didn't follow directions, but he stopped attacking his sister, the cats, cursing, spitting, breaking things, and gleefully sharing his plans to burn the house down. He quit telling his terminally ill sister that he couldn't wait for her to die. It was like a dream come true. He's on Depakote, Seroquel and Adderal. Now, 6 months later, we just moved out of state and due to an insurance glitch he ran out of Adderal. No big deal, I thought, it's a weekend, he'll be fine until Monday when we see the doctor and he gets his script. He can live three days without it. I was so wrong. Within 24 hours of his first missed dose he charged at his sister and pelted her with heavy plastic blocks, was throwing matchbox cars out us when I tried to enter his bedroom, tried to drag the cat around by her front paw, urinated on himself repeatedly and was laughing at his sister telling her, "You'd better run fast, I'm going to get you!". She got so wound up she started complaining of a stomach ache and he told her, "good, I hope you hurt forever." So we were in the ER at 8am this morning, begging for the script. I didn't take him yesterday because I didn't feel safe driving anywhere with him, and I wasn't quite ready to call 911. Good thing his new pediatrician was actually doing rounds in the hospital and came down and wrote the script. I thought he was getting *better*, not just controlled by medication. I thought that time with the old patterns broken would help him mature. But now I see that the monster is looking just around the corner, ready to pounce at any moment, and it terrifies me.