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<blockquote data-quote="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo" data-source="post: 451217" data-attributes="member: 12241"><p>Hi BlondiesBF,</p><p></p><p>I am so glad for you that you found this forum - it has been an eye opener for me [long after the fact and I am still learning]. So much upheaval in your life right now - but you will find that if you read some of the back posts and threats, most of us [more or less] go through or have gone through similar upheaval with our difficult children. You might also glean some suggestions and ideas out of back posts.</p><p></p><p>You're asking for advice on emotional distance [detaching] - I think a great place to start in real life would be AlAnon for you and your entire family. Family [or personal] counseling might be helpful as well.</p><p></p><p>"R" - by the way you ought to change the names for privacy reasons etc - has a problem, and as you said yourself he does not [yet] see it, and he may never or not for a long time. There is only so much you can do for him, short of becoming an enabler - and it sounds to me like he is in a lot of emotional pain, possibly depression, that he is trying to mute with drinking, drugging [?], and running with the wrong crowd. Rehab if at all possible [and if he is willing] comes to mind, certainly counseling. </p><p></p><p>Is he talking to you or anybody at all [brother, friends?]? I think as long as they talk, there is a chance to talk sense to some of them, and getting them to see what the logical steps to getting and feeling better would be. If he refuses to talk or listen, or does not acknowledge that he has a problem, there is really not much you can do for him, as he is now an adult. In addition to the drinking, I would certainly insist on him taking a drug test, so you know what you are really competing with...</p><p></p><p>I would also cut off any moneys coming to him, college funds, etc until he works out his problems. If he is driving drunk - the car ought to go. He has enough on his plate, to not have to deal with the potential loss of life or property damage he may cause to someone else. When I say ought to go, I mean not only confiscating his keys, but move the vehicle off the premises and put it in storage, or park it with a friend of yours where he would not think to look for it.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there and be strong. Heartfelt hugs to you and your loved ones!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="MuM_of_OCD_kiddo, post: 451217, member: 12241"] Hi BlondiesBF, I am so glad for you that you found this forum - it has been an eye opener for me [long after the fact and I am still learning]. So much upheaval in your life right now - but you will find that if you read some of the back posts and threats, most of us [more or less] go through or have gone through similar upheaval with our difficult children. You might also glean some suggestions and ideas out of back posts. You're asking for advice on emotional distance [detaching] - I think a great place to start in real life would be AlAnon for you and your entire family. Family [or personal] counseling might be helpful as well. "R" - by the way you ought to change the names for privacy reasons etc - has a problem, and as you said yourself he does not [yet] see it, and he may never or not for a long time. There is only so much you can do for him, short of becoming an enabler - and it sounds to me like he is in a lot of emotional pain, possibly depression, that he is trying to mute with drinking, drugging [?], and running with the wrong crowd. Rehab if at all possible [and if he is willing] comes to mind, certainly counseling. Is he talking to you or anybody at all [brother, friends?]? I think as long as they talk, there is a chance to talk sense to some of them, and getting them to see what the logical steps to getting and feeling better would be. If he refuses to talk or listen, or does not acknowledge that he has a problem, there is really not much you can do for him, as he is now an adult. In addition to the drinking, I would certainly insist on him taking a drug test, so you know what you are really competing with... I would also cut off any moneys coming to him, college funds, etc until he works out his problems. If he is driving drunk - the car ought to go. He has enough on his plate, to not have to deal with the potential loss of life or property damage he may cause to someone else. When I say ought to go, I mean not only confiscating his keys, but move the vehicle off the premises and put it in storage, or park it with a friend of yours where he would not think to look for it. Hang in there and be strong. Heartfelt hugs to you and your loved ones! [/QUOTE]
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