BusynMember
Well-Known Member
Very briefly, most of you probably remember when I posted about how my daughter, age 11, started having big problems with a bully girl named P. They were "friends" because my daughter was afraid NOT to be her friend (which means she had to do her bidding) and I tried talking to her P's mother, who was a friend of mine, but it didn't work because she told me that P. isn't like that, that it was my daughter being mean (I checked with several other moms, they all said P. is mean). Ok, that's the short version. Here's the latest.
N. decided she would take a stand against P. We decided that any time P. picked on her because she was breaking out of P.'s orbit, that N. would tell the school counselor. She did so three times and P. behaved better in school. In fact, I'm not sure P. is even angry at N. anymore, but P's mother sure is. P's father is the softball coach for the fifth/sixth grade girls, so both P. and N. are on his team. Tell me how you would have handled this one.
P's mom came to the softball game on Wednesday waving invitations around and handing them blatantly to every girl except for N. The parents, myself included, thought it was a softball team party in which N. wasn't invited, even though she is on the team. N. felt bad, but took it really well, even though the invitation stated, "Party from 12-7! Swim in our pool, lots of food, fun, etc. etc. etc." The other kids showed her the invitation, although none of the kids were mean about it--they assumed she got an invite too. In actuality, it was a "Last Day of School Party" although I'm not sure anyone was invited other than the softball team. P. also invited sixth graders on the team that she's not even friends with, and N's best friend whom P. had told recently, "I don't like you. You're annoying." She also told N's friend that, "Nobody else likes you."
The next day two softball moms saw N. and both asked her why she wasn't at the pool party. She sounded embarrassed and mumbled that she wasn't invited, and they acted shocked because they thought it was a softball party. I think it was too, only they didn't call it one because then they'd have to invite N. (she would NOT have gone, but getting snubbed in front of all her friends and so blatantly bothered her). Even if it WAS a last day of school party, why hand the invitations out at this game? They could have mailed or e-mailed them. The man has everyone on the team's e-mail. Or she could have handed them out at school. You're not supposed to do that unless everyone is invited, but kids do it sometimes.
N's best friend did not go to the party so N. had a fun day. Another mom said she didn't WANT her daughter to go because the family "acts like they don't care for me" but her daughter wanted to go, so she did. I'm not sure if I handled this right. Maybe I should have just let P. and N. battle it out, although it seems N. was always coming home in tears, not P. P's mom said, "Oh, P. never cries when she's upset." N. has been banned from P's lunch table at school and one or two kids have been snitty to her since she dropped out of P's orbit, but, in general, N. doesn't seem to care, and does not come home crying anymore. Do you think I gave her good advice about walking away from P? It seems like, in the process, I made a bad enemy who isn't going to mind doing things like this over and over again. My hub is going to try to grab the softball coach position next year as a lot of parents are dissatisfied with him (he doesn't let us know anything until about five minutes before the game--no exaggeration--then he is desperate for volunteers, umpires, etc. A few times he didn't even let us know when games were canceled). Anyways, a vent, I guess. Am I overly sensitive? How do you deal with people like this? She isn't going to be reasonable or talk about it. Thanks for reading this long thing.
N. decided she would take a stand against P. We decided that any time P. picked on her because she was breaking out of P.'s orbit, that N. would tell the school counselor. She did so three times and P. behaved better in school. In fact, I'm not sure P. is even angry at N. anymore, but P's mother sure is. P's father is the softball coach for the fifth/sixth grade girls, so both P. and N. are on his team. Tell me how you would have handled this one.
P's mom came to the softball game on Wednesday waving invitations around and handing them blatantly to every girl except for N. The parents, myself included, thought it was a softball team party in which N. wasn't invited, even though she is on the team. N. felt bad, but took it really well, even though the invitation stated, "Party from 12-7! Swim in our pool, lots of food, fun, etc. etc. etc." The other kids showed her the invitation, although none of the kids were mean about it--they assumed she got an invite too. In actuality, it was a "Last Day of School Party" although I'm not sure anyone was invited other than the softball team. P. also invited sixth graders on the team that she's not even friends with, and N's best friend whom P. had told recently, "I don't like you. You're annoying." She also told N's friend that, "Nobody else likes you."
The next day two softball moms saw N. and both asked her why she wasn't at the pool party. She sounded embarrassed and mumbled that she wasn't invited, and they acted shocked because they thought it was a softball party. I think it was too, only they didn't call it one because then they'd have to invite N. (she would NOT have gone, but getting snubbed in front of all her friends and so blatantly bothered her). Even if it WAS a last day of school party, why hand the invitations out at this game? They could have mailed or e-mailed them. The man has everyone on the team's e-mail. Or she could have handed them out at school. You're not supposed to do that unless everyone is invited, but kids do it sometimes.
N's best friend did not go to the party so N. had a fun day. Another mom said she didn't WANT her daughter to go because the family "acts like they don't care for me" but her daughter wanted to go, so she did. I'm not sure if I handled this right. Maybe I should have just let P. and N. battle it out, although it seems N. was always coming home in tears, not P. P's mom said, "Oh, P. never cries when she's upset." N. has been banned from P's lunch table at school and one or two kids have been snitty to her since she dropped out of P's orbit, but, in general, N. doesn't seem to care, and does not come home crying anymore. Do you think I gave her good advice about walking away from P? It seems like, in the process, I made a bad enemy who isn't going to mind doing things like this over and over again. My hub is going to try to grab the softball coach position next year as a lot of parents are dissatisfied with him (he doesn't let us know anything until about five minutes before the game--no exaggeration--then he is desperate for volunteers, umpires, etc. A few times he didn't even let us know when games were canceled). Anyways, a vent, I guess. Am I overly sensitive? How do you deal with people like this? She isn't going to be reasonable or talk about it. Thanks for reading this long thing.
