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Substance Abuse
Scared and feeling helpless
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 696695" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>RB you are sweet. One thing I have learned from the good folks here is that we can take our time to think things through before responding. Our d cs live fast drama filled lives but that doesn't mean we have to be caught up in the whirlwind, with instant reactions.</p><p>Less is more for my two. Their attention span to my words is a very small window.....but I am honest with them. I would probably text something short, like " Thank you for apologizing. I have to let you know what you wrote was hurtful and disrespectful. Please keep your communications with me appropriate......or something like that.</p><p>How or even <em>if you</em> respond is up to you.</p><p>You matter.</p><p>I think it is really important to model that for our d cs.</p><p>Your son is 33.</p><p>You have tried to help him and he has taken advantage of your kindness and verbally abused you. He is trying to lord over you, pull your heartstrings and reign you in.</p><p>Take back the reins.</p><p>I think our adult children benefit when we stand up for ourselves.</p><p>Love is unconditional but it does have boundaries.</p><p>I feel like that got squashed a bit in the downhill cycle of my twos choices, and I was lost in the carnage, just lost. Worried and sad and scared and miserable. Guess what? They didn't care, in fact relished in my weakened state and inability to make better choices in dealing with them.</p><p>My Tornados exodus was similar to your sons, a torrent of heart stabbing insults and swearing. Didn't contact me for over six months. I landed here on CD and began posting and rebuilding myself.</p><p>I had had enough RB. So many years and insane episodes. I wanted peace.</p><p>You matter RB, your feelings matter and how you are spoken to, treated, matters.</p><p>Take the time you need to respond to your son. Or not. It is perfectly fine to take a break. You are his mother. You deserve respect.</p><p>Be very kind to yourself dear. Keep posting and sharing, it really helps to know we are not alone. You are not alone.</p><p>Take good care.</p><p>(((Hugs)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 696695, member: 19522"] RB you are sweet. One thing I have learned from the good folks here is that we can take our time to think things through before responding. Our d cs live fast drama filled lives but that doesn't mean we have to be caught up in the whirlwind, with instant reactions. Less is more for my two. Their attention span to my words is a very small window.....but I am honest with them. I would probably text something short, like " Thank you for apologizing. I have to let you know what you wrote was hurtful and disrespectful. Please keep your communications with me appropriate......or something like that. How or even [I]if you[/I] respond is up to you. You matter. I think it is really important to model that for our d cs. Your son is 33. You have tried to help him and he has taken advantage of your kindness and verbally abused you. He is trying to lord over you, pull your heartstrings and reign you in. Take back the reins. I think our adult children benefit when we stand up for ourselves. Love is unconditional but it does have boundaries. I feel like that got squashed a bit in the downhill cycle of my twos choices, and I was lost in the carnage, just lost. Worried and sad and scared and miserable. Guess what? They didn't care, in fact relished in my weakened state and inability to make better choices in dealing with them. My Tornados exodus was similar to your sons, a torrent of heart stabbing insults and swearing. Didn't contact me for over six months. I landed here on CD and began posting and rebuilding myself. I had had enough RB. So many years and insane episodes. I wanted peace. You matter RB, your feelings matter and how you are spoken to, treated, matters. Take the time you need to respond to your son. Or not. It is perfectly fine to take a break. You are his mother. You deserve respect. Be very kind to yourself dear. Keep posting and sharing, it really helps to know we are not alone. You are not alone. Take good care. (((Hugs))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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