scared and need some hope

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by sjexpress, Jan 14, 2013.

  1. sjexpress

    sjexpress New Member

    Today we are taking difficult child to see psychiatrist. Our insurance does not cover neuropsychologist. but this psychiatrist has a neurodevelopmental backround and was recommended to us. ( I have posted here many times but I just had to re-register as I was unable to log in). Since difficult child was 7, we have seen numerous psychologists and family counselors with no real help or changes at all for us. difficult child was never diagnosed with anything. Our life with difficult child seems to have highs and lows. The lows were bad but never really lasted long and we managed to all funtion as a family and were able to not think about medications for difficult child, although it was only suggested once about 2 yrs ago. His main problems occured outside of school. Since this school year started about 4 mths ago, things have gotten horrible for difficult child and us both at home and with school. For what ever reason, his anxiety shot thru the roof with everything, he is constantly angry, more defiant than ever( everything is a fight and he does what he wants when he wants), never has a nice word to say to any of us ( screaming and verbally abusive), and his grades and quality of school work is awful and he has missed alot of school for refusal to go. Any time there has been a problem at school this year, we've met with the social worker and guidance counselor and corrected it but the problems persist. difficult child is miserable and has started to express this to us ( when he was younger, he never verbally said stuff to us, just tantrumed) He says he sometimes wishes he was dead, feels horrible inside, doesn't care about anything, feels like he wants to explode, etc... Life with difficult child has been hell!
    husband and I have decided more must be done and if medications have to be given, we have to do it as much as we fear it. For the past year of so, we were not seeing anybody since difficult child refused to go but now there is no choice and we told him so. He wants something special and we told him as a reward for going to all the appts and getting some help, we will get it for him.
    This morning difficult child said when I pick him up from school he is not going to speak to anyone at the doctors office. I told him fine, I just want to get there! I am so afraid to start medications for difficult child. Scared of using the wrong ones, fear of it making him worse, fear of side effects! I know medications aren't the answer but hopefully a start to help difficult child feel better and get him back on track. There are days I don't even want him in our house and I feel so awful saying that! I cry everyday. Dealing with this is like nothing I ever imagined. The other day he made husband cry out of frustration in dealing with him. And our poor easy child...seeing how difficult child affects him is killing me!
    I just can't imagine going on like this much longer and watching him spiral downward, especially in his school work where he used to care so much about his grades! I am so sick to my stomach but I guess have to have some faith in the medical field and get help for difficult child and us! We have no life, no fun... I want so much more for our family! I hope this works out for us!

  2. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    I hope you get someone who puts dxes ahead of medications... or at least, if doing medications now, sees it as a stop-gap so testing/evaluations can be done to get the dxes. Because... without the dxes, medications are a much bigger gamble.

    He's 12. Probably... not going to be overly cooperative, but might surprise you.
    Reasons for things getting worse? include... puberty, of course, and growth spurts. But more than that... the work at school is getting much harder, very fast. His old methods and coping skills may have worked before, but may not be effective enough or flexible enough to accommodate new needs.
  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree with IC. Until the doctor knows exactly what he's dealing with, how can he make a plan for him? Obviously it isn't getting better, it's getting worse and soon he'll be a teenager and be exposed to drugs and alcohol and perhaps self-medicate. Has his psychiatrist ever run hours of testing on him with his neurobiological background? He needs help! Can you tell us about his early childhood years and infancy? Did he cuddle well? Walk and talk on time? Any strange quirks? Does he have friends?

    Welcome to our board :) Others will come along.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Yes, it is very scary. I can't imagine being in limbo as much as you are....I'm sorry for you all. I hope this person is very good for you and will help. Going into puberty absolutely makes things much much harder. BUT, having been to the bowels of hello, as many here does get better, if not forever (it is a rollercoaster for sure) finding the right help will empower you and give you more hope. Hope breeds better experiences, I truly believe that.

    Keep fighting, even when it seems hopeless, there are people out there who get it and they may seem few and far between but once you find them you can start chipping away at things. Good job finding a psychiatrist who has a neurodevelopmental background. It is a start if you are unable to find a neuropsychologist.

    There are developmental pediatricians and child development clinics in some areas too. They do team evaluations and insurance often covers those types of settings, so if this ends up being not what you are looking for, maybe try a search for that too.

    Keep us updated (I think the site had issues this morning, you might be able to sign in now)