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scared of my 18y.o.
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<blockquote data-quote="welcome-mat-no-more" data-source="post: 724291" data-attributes="member: 21160"><p>hello again everyone. been a while but I wanted to update. Christmas came and went. mothers day came and went and I got nothing from her. my birthday came and went and I got nothing. and now its Christmas time again and shes wanting to "make up" again. am I crazy to think that its not real considering she only ever wants to "make up" at Christmas time? she texts me telling me that she wants to fix our relationship, but then posts things on facebook and instagram that say "the evil in this world has finally won and I cant stop it". and the comments on the posts just elude to her trying to garner sympathy from friends and family. and she paints us in such a bad light, that my cousin told her "shes the adult. shes the parent. its not your fault."(referring to me) no one has any clue about how toxic she is and they all just assume I'm a shitty mom. no one outside of my mom dad and sister knew that there was anything going on. until my grandma passed away 2 months ago. my daughter was at the funeral, which was fine, she had every right to be there. but sure as heck everyone noticed we weren't sitting together or talking to eachother. and she being the drama queen she is just fed right into that. but my husband and kids and I sat in the back and minded our own business while she sat with my mom and sister and consoled my dad(it was his mom that passed). its become an "it is what it is" kind of thing. I have to center myself a lot and remember that my husband and my other children deserve for me to be in the present and be 100% available. so when she text me last week, right before thanksgiving, and said that she wanted to go out to eat, just her and I, to talk and fix our relationship, I told her id think about it. but I also told her that what I had to say didn't belong in other peoples ears and going out to eat was probably not a good idea. she came back with what seemed to me as a cheerful response saying ok and that id have to let her know so she could check her work schedule. maybe I just think it was a cheerful response, but I don't think she grasped that my response meant I had nothing nice to say. and I really don't. from the outside looking in, family, friends or acquaintances might think I'm a bad mom. but I know what went on in our house. on a daily, minute to minute basis. I know the heart ache, the angry words, the deviousness. I felt the hatred for me, but more so the hatred she had for my husband. she still wont look at my husband(he adopted her), or talk to him or even acknowledge that he even exists. and I'm pretty sure the post about the evil in this world was her referring to him. and since she was 2 he was the most level headed, loving, prominent male in her life. she had her bio dad, but he was not levelheaded loving or prominent. but since my husband wasn't her bio dad then I guess he meant nothing. a few weeks ago I got into an argument with my dad over all this. he said all he wants is for everyone to get along so that he doesn't have to have 2 of everything when it comes to holidays. he told me that since the beginning I never wanted her. ill agree that I was young and naïve at 19 years old. I did do a lot of things wrong. but with everyone telling me to get an abortion or put her up for adoption, I did what I felt was right and kept her. my dad basically told me that I (along with her real dad) ruined her life and made her the way she was. and he said that my husband, loving on our first baby together, all the time and not loving on my daughter made her feel unloved. but my dad didn't live with us. we loved on my oldest daughter, but who doesn't dote on a baby? it just infuriates me that my dad only recalls things that he saw. he never saw anything that occurred anywhere other than in his own home. that was only when i visited and that wasn't much. and he made me lose a ton of respect for him. a few months ago he told my husband that a grandparents love for their grandchildren far outweighs the love they have for their children once they become a grandparent. I get that. ill probably feel the same way at some point. but never throughout this whole freaking debacle, has he ever once asked how my other kids are doing throughout this whole hellish mess. his only focus has been my oldest daughter. how can you tell my husband that grandkids are so precious, but then turn around and only care about one of them over the others. its all very depressing and just stretches my brain to unexpected lengths. I know I have basically vented a years worth of nonsense into this post. but I needed to get it out to others in my shoes. because unless you've gone through this type of thing, people just look at you like you've grown 2 heads. "omg, you don't talk to your daughter?" "how can you walk away from your child? that's your child?!" " I would never walk away from my child. never" ***sigh*** if only people knew. but I don't tell anyone, because I'm a private person. and its none of their business what I do or how I choose to raise my family. but then you get that cousin, who has a child out of wedlock, lives at home with mommy and daddy, who is an r.n. but keeps getting fired from jobs because shes just really unfriendly. telling the world that youre a bad mom and it just rips open all the healed over wounds. its taken everything in my willpower to not text her and rip her a new one. but I try to not start drama where drama doesn't need to be started. in the end I plan on texting my daughter and telling that I do not want to talk to her and may never want to. and that now is not the time to try and fix things. because honestly, theres nothing to fix. and if you've made it through till this point then I commend you. and it may seem like rambling but this was therapeutic for me to get all my words out and have them heard by people who can relate. thank you for reading and for any advice anyone has. now, I'm going to go find the post about the ""what ifs"" of letting toxic people go, I need to print that <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> out and keep it handy. much love to you all</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="welcome-mat-no-more, post: 724291, member: 21160"] hello again everyone. been a while but I wanted to update. Christmas came and went. mothers day came and went and I got nothing from her. my birthday came and went and I got nothing. and now its Christmas time again and shes wanting to "make up" again. am I crazy to think that its not real considering she only ever wants to "make up" at Christmas time? she texts me telling me that she wants to fix our relationship, but then posts things on facebook and instagram that say "the evil in this world has finally won and I cant stop it". and the comments on the posts just elude to her trying to garner sympathy from friends and family. and she paints us in such a bad light, that my cousin told her "shes the adult. shes the parent. its not your fault."(referring to me) no one has any clue about how toxic she is and they all just assume I'm a shitty mom. no one outside of my mom dad and sister knew that there was anything going on. until my grandma passed away 2 months ago. my daughter was at the funeral, which was fine, she had every right to be there. but sure as heck everyone noticed we weren't sitting together or talking to eachother. and she being the drama queen she is just fed right into that. but my husband and kids and I sat in the back and minded our own business while she sat with my mom and sister and consoled my dad(it was his mom that passed). its become an "it is what it is" kind of thing. I have to center myself a lot and remember that my husband and my other children deserve for me to be in the present and be 100% available. so when she text me last week, right before thanksgiving, and said that she wanted to go out to eat, just her and I, to talk and fix our relationship, I told her id think about it. but I also told her that what I had to say didn't belong in other peoples ears and going out to eat was probably not a good idea. she came back with what seemed to me as a cheerful response saying ok and that id have to let her know so she could check her work schedule. maybe I just think it was a cheerful response, but I don't think she grasped that my response meant I had nothing nice to say. and I really don't. from the outside looking in, family, friends or acquaintances might think I'm a bad mom. but I know what went on in our house. on a daily, minute to minute basis. I know the heart ache, the angry words, the deviousness. I felt the hatred for me, but more so the hatred she had for my husband. she still wont look at my husband(he adopted her), or talk to him or even acknowledge that he even exists. and I'm pretty sure the post about the evil in this world was her referring to him. and since she was 2 he was the most level headed, loving, prominent male in her life. she had her bio dad, but he was not levelheaded loving or prominent. but since my husband wasn't her bio dad then I guess he meant nothing. a few weeks ago I got into an argument with my dad over all this. he said all he wants is for everyone to get along so that he doesn't have to have 2 of everything when it comes to holidays. he told me that since the beginning I never wanted her. ill agree that I was young and naïve at 19 years old. I did do a lot of things wrong. but with everyone telling me to get an abortion or put her up for adoption, I did what I felt was right and kept her. my dad basically told me that I (along with her real dad) ruined her life and made her the way she was. and he said that my husband, loving on our first baby together, all the time and not loving on my daughter made her feel unloved. but my dad didn't live with us. we loved on my oldest daughter, but who doesn't dote on a baby? it just infuriates me that my dad only recalls things that he saw. he never saw anything that occurred anywhere other than in his own home. that was only when i visited and that wasn't much. and he made me lose a ton of respect for him. a few months ago he told my husband that a grandparents love for their grandchildren far outweighs the love they have for their children once they become a grandparent. I get that. ill probably feel the same way at some point. but never throughout this whole freaking debacle, has he ever once asked how my other kids are doing throughout this whole hellish mess. his only focus has been my oldest daughter. how can you tell my husband that grandkids are so precious, but then turn around and only care about one of them over the others. its all very depressing and just stretches my brain to unexpected lengths. I know I have basically vented a years worth of nonsense into this post. but I needed to get it out to others in my shoes. because unless you've gone through this type of thing, people just look at you like you've grown 2 heads. "omg, you don't talk to your daughter?" "how can you walk away from your child? that's your child?!" " I would never walk away from my child. never" ***sigh*** if only people knew. but I don't tell anyone, because I'm a private person. and its none of their business what I do or how I choose to raise my family. but then you get that cousin, who has a child out of wedlock, lives at home with mommy and daddy, who is an r.n. but keeps getting fired from jobs because shes just really unfriendly. telling the world that youre a bad mom and it just rips open all the healed over wounds. its taken everything in my willpower to not text her and rip her a new one. but I try to not start drama where drama doesn't need to be started. in the end I plan on texting my daughter and telling that I do not want to talk to her and may never want to. and that now is not the time to try and fix things. because honestly, theres nothing to fix. and if you've made it through till this point then I commend you. and it may seem like rambling but this was therapeutic for me to get all my words out and have them heard by people who can relate. thank you for reading and for any advice anyone has. now, I'm going to go find the post about the ""what ifs"" of letting toxic people go, I need to print that :censored2: out and keep it handy. much love to you all [/QUOTE]
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