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Scared son just got arrested
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 99366" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi and welcome </p><p></p><p>Sorry this situation is something you have to deal with. I had to also with my son. </p><p></p><p>Here are some things I can tell you from my point of view with a difficult child that likes to break into houses - mine was the idiot lookout and in SC the crime of one is the crime of all - especially when the other 2 involved were already on probation and blamed it all on my son. (Nice) </p><p></p><p>I would say by your sons attitude he isn't taking this seriously at all. Our children have very little apparent remorse because they don't think what they did in the first place was wrong or warranted the arrest. That being said</p><p></p><p>Stop - and being to treat him in a manner that will make him more responsible for this - in other words DO NOT PAY FOR DOODLE - Make him earn every cent. THAT will make a bigger difference and a longer lasting impact as to what he's done. If there is a hope that this ever sinks in - you paying for it will speak volumes to him that it was never a real problem in the first place. Make it his problem. Step off. </p><p></p><p>My first move would be to ask his arbitrator to tell him he can't go near the other child again and the house. If he does get off with a warning? Thank your lucky stars. In SC it's punishable by life in prison if they convict you as an adult. I'd like to tell you that I nearly had a stroke - but I HAD a stroke over all of this. I was WAY too involved. It nearly killed me. </p><p></p><p>Lastly you are worried about restraining him - don't be. Write out the rules, the consequences and if he doesn't obey - call the police and don't threaten to do it - DO IT. Tell them he's in violation of his probation or whatever - if he doesn't go to community service because he's lazy? Don't call and make up stories - let him take the punishment for it. </p><p></p><p>Life is knocking on his door and telling YOU to let him get his knocks - if you interfere in the process - you're only delaying him ever growing up. I know - I did it. Hope you can learn from my mistake. </p><p></p><p>Sorry for your heart - I know the feeling - a lot of us here do, and it's only right to want to rush in and protect him or try to explain that your son is different or doesn't understand. A harsh life lesson they DO understand - my son is literally being scared somewhat straight and while he doesn't like it - He's doing the best he can to CONTINUE to stay out of jail. We let life happen and they told him if he messes up, misses one probation visit, doesn't do community service? He will serve 6 years in prison...adult prison. He was the lookout for 3 home robberies. (not proud to say that at all) I didn't raise him to be like this - it's just what he wanted to do - just like your son. He wanted to do it - so he did it. </p><p></p><p>Let him have the consequences from it and find something wonderful to do with YOUR time - don't waste it worrying about his next mess up. </p><p></p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 99366, member: 4964"] Hi and welcome Sorry this situation is something you have to deal with. I had to also with my son. Here are some things I can tell you from my point of view with a difficult child that likes to break into houses - mine was the idiot lookout and in SC the crime of one is the crime of all - especially when the other 2 involved were already on probation and blamed it all on my son. (Nice) I would say by your sons attitude he isn't taking this seriously at all. Our children have very little apparent remorse because they don't think what they did in the first place was wrong or warranted the arrest. That being said Stop - and being to treat him in a manner that will make him more responsible for this - in other words DO NOT PAY FOR DOODLE - Make him earn every cent. THAT will make a bigger difference and a longer lasting impact as to what he's done. If there is a hope that this ever sinks in - you paying for it will speak volumes to him that it was never a real problem in the first place. Make it his problem. Step off. My first move would be to ask his arbitrator to tell him he can't go near the other child again and the house. If he does get off with a warning? Thank your lucky stars. In SC it's punishable by life in prison if they convict you as an adult. I'd like to tell you that I nearly had a stroke - but I HAD a stroke over all of this. I was WAY too involved. It nearly killed me. Lastly you are worried about restraining him - don't be. Write out the rules, the consequences and if he doesn't obey - call the police and don't threaten to do it - DO IT. Tell them he's in violation of his probation or whatever - if he doesn't go to community service because he's lazy? Don't call and make up stories - let him take the punishment for it. Life is knocking on his door and telling YOU to let him get his knocks - if you interfere in the process - you're only delaying him ever growing up. I know - I did it. Hope you can learn from my mistake. Sorry for your heart - I know the feeling - a lot of us here do, and it's only right to want to rush in and protect him or try to explain that your son is different or doesn't understand. A harsh life lesson they DO understand - my son is literally being scared somewhat straight and while he doesn't like it - He's doing the best he can to CONTINUE to stay out of jail. We let life happen and they told him if he messes up, misses one probation visit, doesn't do community service? He will serve 6 years in prison...adult prison. He was the lookout for 3 home robberies. (not proud to say that at all) I didn't raise him to be like this - it's just what he wanted to do - just like your son. He wanted to do it - so he did it. Let him have the consequences from it and find something wonderful to do with YOUR time - don't waste it worrying about his next mess up. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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