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General Parenting
scene with-the ex argh!!
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 386084" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>I agree with not getting husband involved. Just because exH is scared of him - it would be an unhealthy short-term solution only, again based on fear and threats. I know your aim is not to provide therapy for exH, so using threats etc probably makes no difference, but it does send bad messages to difficult child as well, that if you want someone to do what you want, you just need a big enough stick. </p><p></p><p>Fair enough, you feel the police station for handover could be too confrontational for difficult child. But there are other options and frankly, the best way to get a firm but non-aggressive message across to exH is to totally take yourselves out of the firing line. It also means that a third party gets involved, which means a witness to his bad behaviour. That also has to work to your advantage.</p><p></p><p>He's a bully, using salami tactics to wear you down (walking in to your home even after you've said no; nagging loudly in front of your daughter - all very unhealthy). He's trying to bully you into backing down and letting him have his way. He's also bullying his daughter, trying to control her. And that will not help her eating issues now.</p><p></p><p>Don't stand for this. But respond officially. That way the cops, or the court, or someone in authority, is the person he has to deal with.</p><p></p><p>Leave the big stick of husband for those possible times when exH tries to invade your personal space. Because that is husband's space too, and then he has a right.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 386084, member: 1991"] I agree with not getting husband involved. Just because exH is scared of him - it would be an unhealthy short-term solution only, again based on fear and threats. I know your aim is not to provide therapy for exH, so using threats etc probably makes no difference, but it does send bad messages to difficult child as well, that if you want someone to do what you want, you just need a big enough stick. Fair enough, you feel the police station for handover could be too confrontational for difficult child. But there are other options and frankly, the best way to get a firm but non-aggressive message across to exH is to totally take yourselves out of the firing line. It also means that a third party gets involved, which means a witness to his bad behaviour. That also has to work to your advantage. He's a bully, using salami tactics to wear you down (walking in to your home even after you've said no; nagging loudly in front of your daughter - all very unhealthy). He's trying to bully you into backing down and letting him have his way. He's also bullying his daughter, trying to control her. And that will not help her eating issues now. Don't stand for this. But respond officially. That way the cops, or the court, or someone in authority, is the person he has to deal with. Leave the big stick of husband for those possible times when exH tries to invade your personal space. Because that is husband's space too, and then he has a right. Marg [/QUOTE]
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