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scene with-the ex argh!!
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 386150" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Jen, each time that you allow your exh to mistreat you in front of or around any of your children, step or bio, you are teaching them that his behavior is acceptable on some level.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">If he is bad mouthing you to difficult child, in front of difficult child, being confrontational about issues that should be discussed in private between the two of you with a court mediator, he is being abusive and behaving inappropriately. This is very VERY bad for difficult child to witness. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">As a human being, especially one with a history of being in an emotionally abusive relationship with exh, this is an opportunity for you to teach difficult child about healthy boundaries. She may not fully understand why you need to have a supervised pick up and drop off location right this minute, but you need to be honest with her about exh's behavior. She needs to KNOW that his behavior is unacceptable and inappropriate for all of you. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">He invaded your space, he tresspassed into your home after you told him he was not allowed inside. You need to explain to difficult child WHY so she understands YOUR behavior and reactions to her father. Jen, you cannot continue to gloss over the obvious confrontational relationship you have with exh if you expect her to have a relationship with him. It will never be normal, but as a young girl, your difficult child needs to have lessons on how to create healthy boundaries for herself - and you are the teacher. You are modeling behavior that she will use one day. Be honest with her about this. I really think this is important.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">I also agree that you should go back to court and get something documented about a pick up and drop off location - it could be in a supermarket parking lot, it doesn't need to be at a police station since he's not physically threatening you in any way. There are a lot of divorced couples who make the exchange in a public location and not at one another's homes. I also agree that you don't want husband to be involved unless he invades HIS personal space, such as if exh walks into your home while husband is there, husband can certainly stand up and escort him outside and reiterate to him that he is not welcome inside the home. That would be okay, but I don't think you should rely on husband to be the long arm of the law in terms of 'talking' with exh. Just not a good thing, especially for difficult child. You don't want husband to be perceived as bullying her dad, Know what I mean?? Add to the fact that it's a heavy burden for husband to have to carry as well AND exh is not a reasonable person, so it's more likely that having husband talk with him may get his hair up and make matters worse. Instead, just cut to the chase and get it all done in court so it's legal and there isn't any of the he said/he said business. It's cleaner that way.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Hugs, Jen, you haven't had it easy for a while now. </span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 386150, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Jen, each time that you allow your exh to mistreat you in front of or around any of your children, step or bio, you are teaching them that his behavior is acceptable on some level.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]If he is bad mouthing you to difficult child, in front of difficult child, being confrontational about issues that should be discussed in private between the two of you with a court mediator, he is being abusive and behaving inappropriately. This is very VERY bad for difficult child to witness. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]As a human being, especially one with a history of being in an emotionally abusive relationship with exh, this is an opportunity for you to teach difficult child about healthy boundaries. She may not fully understand why you need to have a supervised pick up and drop off location right this minute, but you need to be honest with her about exh's behavior. She needs to KNOW that his behavior is unacceptable and inappropriate for all of you. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]He invaded your space, he tresspassed into your home after you told him he was not allowed inside. You need to explain to difficult child WHY so she understands YOUR behavior and reactions to her father. Jen, you cannot continue to gloss over the obvious confrontational relationship you have with exh if you expect her to have a relationship with him. It will never be normal, but as a young girl, your difficult child needs to have lessons on how to create healthy boundaries for herself - and you are the teacher. You are modeling behavior that she will use one day. Be honest with her about this. I really think this is important.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]I also agree that you should go back to court and get something documented about a pick up and drop off location - it could be in a supermarket parking lot, it doesn't need to be at a police station since he's not physically threatening you in any way. There are a lot of divorced couples who make the exchange in a public location and not at one another's homes. I also agree that you don't want husband to be involved unless he invades HIS personal space, such as if exh walks into your home while husband is there, husband can certainly stand up and escort him outside and reiterate to him that he is not welcome inside the home. That would be okay, but I don't think you should rely on husband to be the long arm of the law in terms of 'talking' with exh. Just not a good thing, especially for difficult child. You don't want husband to be perceived as bullying her dad, Know what I mean?? Add to the fact that it's a heavy burden for husband to have to carry as well AND exh is not a reasonable person, so it's more likely that having husband talk with him may get his hair up and make matters worse. Instead, just cut to the chase and get it all done in court so it's legal and there isn't any of the he said/he said business. It's cleaner that way.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Hugs, Jen, you haven't had it easy for a while now. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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