First of all, hi, I am sorta new to this forum. Second of all, I will try not cuss or get censored, but your son and daughter in law are infuriating! My first thought is for those babies, and calling cps based on what hey even told you, even if you can't see inside their home for yourself. Second, please protect yourself. The cosigned valuables really belong to you and you have every right to contact the lender and sort out something you can do to protect your assets in the event he defaults.
I told my elder three kids long ago to decide what they want in life and work for it. I will never afford to fund anything for them except for gifts I choose to give, and I will never bail them out of anything, not even jail, not even once. Have two very responsible adult kids, and one very problematic son who sounds to fit the ODD description.
Do what you can to put your household first, and protect the grandkids the best you are able, and tell that nearly 30 year old man no. It's a perfectly good answer.
