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<blockquote data-quote="tryinghard" data-source="post: 174279" data-attributes="member: 4570"><p>Jody,</p><p> </p><p>I hear ya loud and clear. I am a very calm and soft hearted person. It takes so much to make me yell or get mad. When my difficult child use to rage for hours (yes hours!) I would stay calm till about hour two and three. Then I would loose it. There were times my easy child had to come in and tell me I needed to leave and she would take over that I was scaring her. I remember at least three times the look of sheer fear in my son's eyes because I was carrying on like a crazy woman. I never hit my son but my voice changes (like Linda Blair in the Exorcist<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/surprise.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":surprise:" title="surprise :surprise:" data-shortname=":surprise:" />).</p><p> </p><p>As my difficult child got older, and the incidents were over, he and I would talk. I would tell him that my loosing my temper was unacceptable behavior and I was sorry. I explained to him that he needed to look at his own actions and how if he tried harder I would try harder. This was NOT a quick fix. There were times we went through this every other day for months on end. I thought I was going to go crazy.</p><p> </p><p>My difficult child now is able to self calm and sometimes tell us that he needs a moment alone to regroup. I do the same things sometimes. I explain that I am starting to feel very angry and I want to go outside / take a drive/ cry on my bed so I do not do something inappropriate. </p><p> </p><p>It has taken 10 years to get to this point, but it is soooo much better now. </p><p> </p><p>I am very sorry for the episodes I had. They were few and far between but I still feel guilty. I am not sure if I always had stayed calm if my difficult child would have been able to draw the correlation between his behavior and how it affected others. I think him watching me get up and then having to find a way to stop and control myself, and then apologize made him realize his emotions were valid, but he needed to deal with them in a healthier way.</p><p> </p><p>Reading the Explosive Child has helped a lot too. When I see him headed down the path we talk through the issue like the book suggests. It really has worked.</p><p> </p><p>I want to let you know you are not alone. We understand. Only if you have a difficult child can you understand what this is like. I hope you keep posting. We are a great support group.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tryinghard, post: 174279, member: 4570"] Jody, I hear ya loud and clear. I am a very calm and soft hearted person. It takes so much to make me yell or get mad. When my difficult child use to rage for hours (yes hours!) I would stay calm till about hour two and three. Then I would loose it. There were times my easy child had to come in and tell me I needed to leave and she would take over that I was scaring her. I remember at least three times the look of sheer fear in my son's eyes because I was carrying on like a crazy woman. I never hit my son but my voice changes (like Linda Blair in the Exorcist:surprised1:). As my difficult child got older, and the incidents were over, he and I would talk. I would tell him that my loosing my temper was unacceptable behavior and I was sorry. I explained to him that he needed to look at his own actions and how if he tried harder I would try harder. This was NOT a quick fix. There were times we went through this every other day for months on end. I thought I was going to go crazy. My difficult child now is able to self calm and sometimes tell us that he needs a moment alone to regroup. I do the same things sometimes. I explain that I am starting to feel very angry and I want to go outside / take a drive/ cry on my bed so I do not do something inappropriate. It has taken 10 years to get to this point, but it is soooo much better now. I am very sorry for the episodes I had. They were few and far between but I still feel guilty. I am not sure if I always had stayed calm if my difficult child would have been able to draw the correlation between his behavior and how it affected others. I think him watching me get up and then having to find a way to stop and control myself, and then apologize made him realize his emotions were valid, but he needed to deal with them in a healthier way. Reading the Explosive Child has helped a lot too. When I see him headed down the path we talk through the issue like the book suggests. It really has worked. I want to let you know you are not alone. We understand. Only if you have a difficult child can you understand what this is like. I hope you keep posting. We are a great support group. [/QUOTE]
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