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<blockquote data-quote="DDD" data-source="post: 215315" data-attributes="member: 35"><p>I "think" I hear your feelings coming through in your post. She can be (and usually is) a wonderful caring girl. She does not have a network of friends so you two are unusually close. Her boyfriend is extremely important to her as he is her lifeline to peer living. You are still reliving the trauma of her molestation and probaby a little bit of you feels guilty that it happened because IF you had been there or done something or other etc. your baby would not have had that terrible experience.</p><p> </p><p>Many of us have traveled that road when faced with pot use or the realization that booze is part of our childs world. You "almost" wish you had never "seen the proof" so you could ignore the problem and hope for the best. I KNOW that is how I felt...even though the circumstances were not the same as yours. I still wish "it would all go away".</p><p> </p><p>You have to take action. You have to choose which action suits your family and your daughter. Only you know which road "may" be best. My suggestions are based on experiences in my family. First I sat down and</p><p>stated the truth about the drug use. "I DO understand that stress builds up and that it seems ok to chill smoking a blunt or popping a pill. I know your intentions are not evil. I also know that it is illegal and that some law enforcement agencies seek out people like you to use as an example</p><p>for other young people. They can legally arrest you for possession. They</p><p>can legally arrest you for possession with intent to distribute which is a felony charge that can prevent you from having a successful career and subsequently can even keep you from being allowed to volunteer at your child's school as a Room Mom or a Chaperone for field trips! They can take action against our family and make efforts to take away our home and sell it with the government getting the money and us being homeless.</p><p>They can put pictures and writeups in the newspapers about you which will make it difficult for you in the community. Of course, they can also</p><p>arrest you and take you to jail." "Do I believe all those things are going to happen to you? No, I don't think there is a very big chance of that BUT</p><p>we are going to improve your odds. You and I are going to gather all this</p><p>stuff together and get rid of it NOW.....than we won't have to worry about an unexpected knock at the door or boyfriend finding out or anyother horrible thing."</p><p> </p><p>Next, suggest that the two of you make an appointment today for a good</p><p>qualified psychiatrist who can provide the help she needs legally. Remind her that you will be there for her 24/7 if she needs or wants company or support. Let her know that as a family you can get the help she needs now and you have confidence that as an adult she will be able to reach out and help others in the family if they are in crisis.</p><p> </p><p>I hope it works for you all. I really do. Hugs. DDD</p><p> </p><p>PS: My easy child/difficult child and I are still extremely close. He was not able to follow through. He was arrested as a teen and his picture was put on the front page of the newspaper which did ruin his reputation. He was later charged with possession & paraphenalia possession (a roach clip & stub).</p><p>Subsequently his empty car had a few pills in the backseat. He was charged with a felony and although he never "sold" "stole" "hurt anyone" he is a Felon for life because of choices in his teens. It happens!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DDD, post: 215315, member: 35"] I "think" I hear your feelings coming through in your post. She can be (and usually is) a wonderful caring girl. She does not have a network of friends so you two are unusually close. Her boyfriend is extremely important to her as he is her lifeline to peer living. You are still reliving the trauma of her molestation and probaby a little bit of you feels guilty that it happened because IF you had been there or done something or other etc. your baby would not have had that terrible experience. Many of us have traveled that road when faced with pot use or the realization that booze is part of our childs world. You "almost" wish you had never "seen the proof" so you could ignore the problem and hope for the best. I KNOW that is how I felt...even though the circumstances were not the same as yours. I still wish "it would all go away". You have to take action. You have to choose which action suits your family and your daughter. Only you know which road "may" be best. My suggestions are based on experiences in my family. First I sat down and stated the truth about the drug use. "I DO understand that stress builds up and that it seems ok to chill smoking a blunt or popping a pill. I know your intentions are not evil. I also know that it is illegal and that some law enforcement agencies seek out people like you to use as an example for other young people. They can legally arrest you for possession. They can legally arrest you for possession with intent to distribute which is a felony charge that can prevent you from having a successful career and subsequently can even keep you from being allowed to volunteer at your child's school as a Room Mom or a Chaperone for field trips! They can take action against our family and make efforts to take away our home and sell it with the government getting the money and us being homeless. They can put pictures and writeups in the newspapers about you which will make it difficult for you in the community. Of course, they can also arrest you and take you to jail." "Do I believe all those things are going to happen to you? No, I don't think there is a very big chance of that BUT we are going to improve your odds. You and I are going to gather all this stuff together and get rid of it NOW.....than we won't have to worry about an unexpected knock at the door or boyfriend finding out or anyother horrible thing." Next, suggest that the two of you make an appointment today for a good qualified psychiatrist who can provide the help she needs legally. Remind her that you will be there for her 24/7 if she needs or wants company or support. Let her know that as a family you can get the help she needs now and you have confidence that as an adult she will be able to reach out and help others in the family if they are in crisis. I hope it works for you all. I really do. Hugs. DDD PS: My easy child/difficult child and I are still extremely close. He was not able to follow through. He was arrested as a teen and his picture was put on the front page of the newspaper which did ruin his reputation. He was later charged with possession & paraphenalia possession (a roach clip & stub). Subsequently his empty car had a few pills in the backseat. He was charged with a felony and although he never "sold" "stole" "hurt anyone" he is a Felon for life because of choices in his teens. It happens! [/QUOTE]
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