Hi. I have been reading this forum for weeks looking for and finding bits of advice, similarities and support to fuel me from day to day as my son is in residential. Frankly, I am also looking for the tea leaves to feel more comfortable about the possible futures, which is probably the opposite of the detachment I am supposed to be seeking for myself and my son. While I work on living in the moment, I thought it would be more honest, at least, to share and ask for support, rather than lurk and try to find it in your stories. Emotionally, I have gone up and down since he started treatment -- but in either direction, it feels like I'm spiraling. In the first weeks, I was plagued by feelings of guilt because I realized I had parented him very reactively, out of fear that he was going down the path of my substance abusing or narcissistic family members. I am now in therapy to trauma from my FOO. For his sake and the sake of our two younger, easier children, too. In addition, I don't know entirely where my son was or is. When we shook out what we could of the facts, it was clear he had been smoking pot and lying incessantly for a year and a half or so, but in the last 6 months had cultivated a music rave identity, and was doing some harder drugs and some dealing and stealing, capped by two serious, reckless binge drinking episodes. Notwithstanding, he had only cut a couple of classes, managed still to get some As, was only permitted to socialize with friends a few hours at a time without an adult checking in, was never visibly wasted apart from those drinking episodes -- the last of which put him in the hospital and was followed by a belligerent meltdown, complete break from family and run-away threat, that precipitated his placement. Before that, we thought his summer could have been more of a "right the ship with positive pursuits." In his mind, he is not an addict or alcoholic. The professionals he has seen also say it is likely more self-medicating,which is of course still problematic substance use, but makes the 12-step route a harder one to adopt. At the same time, he has not been particularly open to figuring out what he is self-medicating for. He was diagnosed with ADHD, but is also gifted, so he can compensate. He is oppositional -- at least in his narcissstic views about rules and authority figures, and his lack of accountability for the past, present or future. The professionals have concluded he is mildy depressed and anxious, but probably from the stressful situation he has put himself in and the negative consequences that have resulted -- so are not pushing medications though they say it could help. My son has no authentic explanation for the binge drinking episodes -- though I have my theories that the first was fueled by a rejection, and the second by rage and hopelessness when he realized his lifestyle would soon be changing whether he liked it or not. But no one knows for sure. And he doesn't seem to want to know it. He is claiming what many of you will recognize. He didn't need to go the hospital, his problems aren't like heroine addiction or major depression - so he shouldn't be in residential treatment, he has a parent-problem, not a drug problem, he has finished all "his work" but still is not willing to repair relationships... I feel like I'm at a crossroads, and am pinging back and forth between whether to bring him home or keep him in a container to keep working things out. Bettering the parenting environment is my imperative, but does he need to be more mature in his outlook to be safe at home? In the back of my mind, I worry that continued treatment might solidify a negative, fledgling identity. Knowing I need to be a strong, more emotionally attuned parent, regardless, and working towards it, is not helping me to weather this uncertainty.