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Seeking advice/agreement about 9 yo step-daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="keista" data-source="post: 461592" data-attributes="member: 11965"><p>Welcome to the board!</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I don't think you are over analyzing. in my opinion, and that of many of this board's members, ODD isn't a *real* diagnosis. It's a cluster of behaviors that can be identified. Since humans LOVE labels, they made a label for it. Problem is, that cluster of behaviors called ODD can occur as a result of other disorders. If you find a standard "treatment" for ODD, it will only work if that "treatment" works for whatever is causing the ODD. As you read, there can (usually are) be many co-morbid disorders ranging from ineffective parenting or mild depression to bipolar or schizophrenia. </p><p></p><p>Think of ODD as bleeding. You are bleeding. Yeah, OK, you know you have to stop that. But WHY are you bleeding? Paper cut? Scrape on the sidewalk? Sliced your finger with a knife? Stab wound? Gun shot? Ulcers? Each of these bleeds will require a different treatment. So will ODD depending on what is causing it.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Although the grandmother does not belong in your child rearing program, especially if she over steps her bounds in ways that you and wife do not approve of, I have to say that she IS VERY perceptive. That incessant need for attention, in my opinion is a 'symptom'. DD1 used to be the same way (still sometimes gets into that mode) When expressing my frustrations to ppl about her I would declare that if I did nothing else and gave all my time and attention to her, she would still be needing MORE. There just was not enough time and attention to give to this child.</p><p></p><p>Specifically how much grandmother would be involved in any psychiatrist or therapist sessions depends on where she lives and how much contact she has with this child. If she lives with you, that makes her part of the 'family unit' so she needs to be in the loop and ALL adults need to be on the same page. If she lives elsewhere, but babysits often, then she needs to be involved in some therapist session, but not necessarily involved with everything.</p><p></p><p>And regarding abusive biodad. Yes, that history and current abandonment may be fueling tantrums and outbursts, but is not necessarily the cause of them. However, those issues alone warrant the children being in therapy so they can sort out those emotions with a neutral party. Although I have told them they can talk to me about their father, they are reluctant to because they know it's emotional (was actually) for ME and they don't want to upset ME. Sweet kids, but that doesn't help THEM.</p><p></p><p>Welcome again!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="keista, post: 461592, member: 11965"] Welcome to the board! I don't think you are over analyzing. in my opinion, and that of many of this board's members, ODD isn't a *real* diagnosis. It's a cluster of behaviors that can be identified. Since humans LOVE labels, they made a label for it. Problem is, that cluster of behaviors called ODD can occur as a result of other disorders. If you find a standard "treatment" for ODD, it will only work if that "treatment" works for whatever is causing the ODD. As you read, there can (usually are) be many co-morbid disorders ranging from ineffective parenting or mild depression to bipolar or schizophrenia. Think of ODD as bleeding. You are bleeding. Yeah, OK, you know you have to stop that. But WHY are you bleeding? Paper cut? Scrape on the sidewalk? Sliced your finger with a knife? Stab wound? Gun shot? Ulcers? Each of these bleeds will require a different treatment. So will ODD depending on what is causing it. Although the grandmother does not belong in your child rearing program, especially if she over steps her bounds in ways that you and wife do not approve of, I have to say that she IS VERY perceptive. That incessant need for attention, in my opinion is a 'symptom'. DD1 used to be the same way (still sometimes gets into that mode) When expressing my frustrations to ppl about her I would declare that if I did nothing else and gave all my time and attention to her, she would still be needing MORE. There just was not enough time and attention to give to this child. Specifically how much grandmother would be involved in any psychiatrist or therapist sessions depends on where she lives and how much contact she has with this child. If she lives with you, that makes her part of the 'family unit' so she needs to be in the loop and ALL adults need to be on the same page. If she lives elsewhere, but babysits often, then she needs to be involved in some therapist session, but not necessarily involved with everything. And regarding abusive biodad. Yes, that history and current abandonment may be fueling tantrums and outbursts, but is not necessarily the cause of them. However, those issues alone warrant the children being in therapy so they can sort out those emotions with a neutral party. Although I have told them they can talk to me about their father, they are reluctant to because they know it's emotional (was actually) for ME and they don't want to upset ME. Sweet kids, but that doesn't help THEM. Welcome again! [/QUOTE]
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