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Seeking advice on eviction or rental
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 410449" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I would go forward with the eviction, given what you have said. Fb posts are the things posted on facebook about suicide. You can print those off and they are proof of her mental state. I would keep them in a file.</p><p> </p><p>You can also reapply for disability or appeal. Most are turned down the first time. Some even the second or third time.</p><p> </p><p>At this point you are highly unlikely to get any help until she has been on her own and failed. Let her go figure it out for herself. Others don't just "get" apartments and cars - they work and they earn them. She is going to have to be on her own for a while to figure this out. That while is going to be a lot longer for her than for many others and is going to be really hard on you.</p><p> </p><p>She can go with her cult for a while, but when she has no resources they are going to expect her to work or throw her out. She may go along with their demands and they may take care of her while she does. That is her choice. She may live on couches of friends for a while. Eventually they will get tired of her and throw her out. When she leaves give her a typed lsit of shelters and their phone numbers, food banks, community care agencies, free clinics, etc.... WHen she calls you for help (or shows up) make it clear that you will not do things for her that she can do for herself. this includes providing food, transportation, etc... if she could choose to work and do these things. </p><p> </p><p>You will need to thinkabout medical care. Will you keep her on your insurance, but make her pay the copays herself? Will you pay for her to get mental health care - therapy, psychiatrists, medications? If you pay for medications will you pay for those that can be addictive, like xanax and other benzos? Or will you only pay for other medications like mood stabilizers, risperdal (antipsychotic that reduces aggression), etc...?</p><p> </p><p>One big issue for parents of daughters is birth control? What if she gets pregnant? One way that many women, esp mentally ill ones, think is an easy way to get cash is prostitution. Or finding a guy to be her boyfriend who will support her. What will you do if she gets pregnant? Pay expenses for the baby? Raise the baby yourself because she won't be able or fit? Help her raise the baby with financial or other support - and watch the baby for signs of abuse/neglect? Will you pay for birth control? If yes, would you pay for a daily pill that can be lost or forgotten, or insist on the depo shot or birth control implant or IUD? What if she wants an abortion? </p><p> </p><p>This is a big issue. Personally I would pay for the depo shot or IUD or implant but not a daily or weekly pill - they are too easy to forget or lose. With the pill she would have to take it at the same time every day because being off just a couple of hours can result in pregnancy. The depo provera shot has to be redone every few months, so you would have to keep getting her to the doctor, which may be problematic, esp if she demands a bribe or reward to go with you. It is why I would push for the implant.</p><p> </p><p>the current impant is called Impanon - a single, flexible 40mm long piece of plastic with progesterone that will prevent pregnancy for 3 years. It is effective 99% of the time if implanted correctly. There is no way to "mess it up" or forget. I would think this would give you the most piece of mind. </p><p> </p><p>Your reputation does NOT require you to rent an apartment for her. those who believe you have done the best you could are your friends and know that you have been a great parent to a very disturbed person. Those who would badmouth you will do so regardless of what you do or don't do. Renting an apartment and supporting her for the rest of her life would NOT stop the badmouthing people from saying what they will say. Nothing will stop them and it has nothing to do with you.</p><p> </p><p>Elizabrary is right - it is time to stop her hold on your family. You have been hostage to her mental illness and choices for long enough. Do what is best for YOU and always hold your head up because you have doen the right thing. Believe it or not, sending her out on her own IS the right thing - even for her. Unless she falls she won't learn to pick herself up and try again. She also won't demonstrate her need for support from disability until seh has tried and failed to make it on her own.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry that you have had to handle all of this. You have done a great job and are a loving caring great mom. Your ex and his wife are fools and if they think they are so much better then they can invite her to live with them and they can "fix" her.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 410449, member: 1233"] I would go forward with the eviction, given what you have said. Fb posts are the things posted on facebook about suicide. You can print those off and they are proof of her mental state. I would keep them in a file. You can also reapply for disability or appeal. Most are turned down the first time. Some even the second or third time. At this point you are highly unlikely to get any help until she has been on her own and failed. Let her go figure it out for herself. Others don't just "get" apartments and cars - they work and they earn them. She is going to have to be on her own for a while to figure this out. That while is going to be a lot longer for her than for many others and is going to be really hard on you. She can go with her cult for a while, but when she has no resources they are going to expect her to work or throw her out. She may go along with their demands and they may take care of her while she does. That is her choice. She may live on couches of friends for a while. Eventually they will get tired of her and throw her out. When she leaves give her a typed lsit of shelters and their phone numbers, food banks, community care agencies, free clinics, etc.... WHen she calls you for help (or shows up) make it clear that you will not do things for her that she can do for herself. this includes providing food, transportation, etc... if she could choose to work and do these things. You will need to thinkabout medical care. Will you keep her on your insurance, but make her pay the copays herself? Will you pay for her to get mental health care - therapy, psychiatrists, medications? If you pay for medications will you pay for those that can be addictive, like xanax and other benzos? Or will you only pay for other medications like mood stabilizers, risperdal (antipsychotic that reduces aggression), etc...? One big issue for parents of daughters is birth control? What if she gets pregnant? One way that many women, esp mentally ill ones, think is an easy way to get cash is prostitution. Or finding a guy to be her boyfriend who will support her. What will you do if she gets pregnant? Pay expenses for the baby? Raise the baby yourself because she won't be able or fit? Help her raise the baby with financial or other support - and watch the baby for signs of abuse/neglect? Will you pay for birth control? If yes, would you pay for a daily pill that can be lost or forgotten, or insist on the depo shot or birth control implant or IUD? What if she wants an abortion? This is a big issue. Personally I would pay for the depo shot or IUD or implant but not a daily or weekly pill - they are too easy to forget or lose. With the pill she would have to take it at the same time every day because being off just a couple of hours can result in pregnancy. The depo provera shot has to be redone every few months, so you would have to keep getting her to the doctor, which may be problematic, esp if she demands a bribe or reward to go with you. It is why I would push for the implant. the current impant is called Impanon - a single, flexible 40mm long piece of plastic with progesterone that will prevent pregnancy for 3 years. It is effective 99% of the time if implanted correctly. There is no way to "mess it up" or forget. I would think this would give you the most piece of mind. Your reputation does NOT require you to rent an apartment for her. those who believe you have done the best you could are your friends and know that you have been a great parent to a very disturbed person. Those who would badmouth you will do so regardless of what you do or don't do. Renting an apartment and supporting her for the rest of her life would NOT stop the badmouthing people from saying what they will say. Nothing will stop them and it has nothing to do with you. Elizabrary is right - it is time to stop her hold on your family. You have been hostage to her mental illness and choices for long enough. Do what is best for YOU and always hold your head up because you have doen the right thing. Believe it or not, sending her out on her own IS the right thing - even for her. Unless she falls she won't learn to pick herself up and try again. She also won't demonstrate her need for support from disability until seh has tried and failed to make it on her own. I am sorry that you have had to handle all of this. You have done a great job and are a loving caring great mom. Your ex and his wife are fools and if they think they are so much better then they can invite her to live with them and they can "fix" her. [/QUOTE]
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