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Seeking advice on sorting out marriage - stay or go
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<blockquote data-quote="TPaul" data-source="post: 318902" data-attributes="member: 8055"><p><strong><span style="color: darkred">I had this really great post written yesterday and almost finished when suddenly I bumped something and the whole thing disappeared, <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" /> I will try again.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="color: #8b0000">I can understand where you are coming from. Many of us that have a spouse or child with a condition that can put stress on a relationship and or family. Many times the normal wear and tear of raising our children, meeting financial obligations and keeping a home running are challenging enough. Add in an addition challenge and the load can lead to collapse of some portion of that family unit.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="color: #8b0000">Having a spouse with bipolar was not what I saw in my cards. Knowing there was something wrong with her for years before being diagnosed, put such a strain on our relationship. We have been married for 14 years. I have constantly been the one to keep and hold our family together. I have not been a perfect husband by any means. My own physical problems have been many. My wife did stay with me and helped take care of me when I could not hardly take care of myself. There were months that I could not even hardly get out of bed. When I was either in a wheelchair, had to use a walker, etc. she helped me, although she many times made the statements when she became overloaded that she wished that I was a normal healthy husband and could make more money for our family.( I had us survive on my small disability income so that she could be here with the kids and help take care of me. We are talking on less than 800.00 for a family of five, a miracle of budgeting indeed) That bit deep many, many times. Fast forward to now. I am better than I have been for years. With a good combo of pain medications, muscle relaxers, anti inflammatory drugs I am able to do a great deal now. So well that I am very very busy. Now she makes statements like, I wish you where back like you used to be and then you would be home more. I am more like a normal husband working hard to make more for his family, and she is not satisfied with </span></strong></p><p><strong><span style="color: #8b0000">that, <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite3" alt=":(" title="Frown :(" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":(" />.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="color: #8b0000">I do care for my wife as a person and want her to be able to manage and live with the BiPolar (BP). I have to struggle to make sure she takes her medications every day. If I do not get them out and give them to her she does not take them. I struggle to get her to go and see her doctor to get refills every time. I know that without me she would not manage her disease. I had hoped with our oldest son, who is 11 being diagnosed with BiPolar (BP) would make her want to do better. It has not.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="color: #8b0000">We as parents have as our number one priority to raise our children in a manner that will be healthy and allow them to grow into resposible adults. If that means that we make sacrifices of ourselves and even our own happiness, then that is a sacrifices that we must be willing to take. It has been proven that children do better in a two parent home. If there is not violence then we as parents need to try and keep the family unit together until our children are old enough to leave the nest. </span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="color: #8b0000">That is why I still work hard to keep our family together. I know that there is a good chance that if my wife and I where not together that she has a good chance of having custody of the children. Fathers have to struggle to get custody of their children in todays court system. Not right at all, but still a fact of life for many fathers. With me not there, she would not manage her BiPolar (BP) at all. That would be hell for our children. They are my life and light, all five of them, and I can not allow that to happen to them. </span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="color: #8b0000">I know that there might be someone else out there that would make me happier and meet more of my emotional needs. I have to for now, sacrifice that possibility for my children. Any sacrifice for them is worth more that anything in this world, even my own happiness. When they have reached 18, down to the youngest, who now is 6, then I can decide if I want to find someone else. Until then I do the best I can. I care for thier mother, the best I can. I did make a vow through sickness and in health. She stayed by me when my physical condition was at its worst, I owe it to her to do the same.</span></strong></p><p> </p><p><strong><span style="color: #8b0000">Tpaul</span></strong></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TPaul, post: 318902, member: 8055"] [B][COLOR=darkred]I had this really great post written yesterday and almost finished when suddenly I bumped something and the whole thing disappeared, :( I will try again.[/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000][/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000]I can understand where you are coming from. Many of us that have a spouse or child with a condition that can put stress on a relationship and or family. Many times the normal wear and tear of raising our children, meeting financial obligations and keeping a home running are challenging enough. Add in an addition challenge and the load can lead to collapse of some portion of that family unit.[/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000][/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000]Having a spouse with bipolar was not what I saw in my cards. Knowing there was something wrong with her for years before being diagnosed, put such a strain on our relationship. We have been married for 14 years. I have constantly been the one to keep and hold our family together. I have not been a perfect husband by any means. My own physical problems have been many. My wife did stay with me and helped take care of me when I could not hardly take care of myself. There were months that I could not even hardly get out of bed. When I was either in a wheelchair, had to use a walker, etc. she helped me, although she many times made the statements when she became overloaded that she wished that I was a normal healthy husband and could make more money for our family.( I had us survive on my small disability income so that she could be here with the kids and help take care of me. We are talking on less than 800.00 for a family of five, a miracle of budgeting indeed) That bit deep many, many times. Fast forward to now. I am better than I have been for years. With a good combo of pain medications, muscle relaxers, anti inflammatory drugs I am able to do a great deal now. So well that I am very very busy. Now she makes statements like, I wish you where back like you used to be and then you would be home more. I am more like a normal husband working hard to make more for his family, and she is not satisfied with [/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000]that, :(.[/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000][/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000]I do care for my wife as a person and want her to be able to manage and live with the BiPolar (BP). I have to struggle to make sure she takes her medications every day. If I do not get them out and give them to her she does not take them. I struggle to get her to go and see her doctor to get refills every time. I know that without me she would not manage her disease. I had hoped with our oldest son, who is 11 being diagnosed with BiPolar (BP) would make her want to do better. It has not.[/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000][/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000]We as parents have as our number one priority to raise our children in a manner that will be healthy and allow them to grow into resposible adults. If that means that we make sacrifices of ourselves and even our own happiness, then that is a sacrifices that we must be willing to take. It has been proven that children do better in a two parent home. If there is not violence then we as parents need to try and keep the family unit together until our children are old enough to leave the nest. [/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000][/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000]That is why I still work hard to keep our family together. I know that there is a good chance that if my wife and I where not together that she has a good chance of having custody of the children. Fathers have to struggle to get custody of their children in todays court system. Not right at all, but still a fact of life for many fathers. With me not there, she would not manage her BiPolar (BP) at all. That would be hell for our children. They are my life and light, all five of them, and I can not allow that to happen to them. [/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000][/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000]I know that there might be someone else out there that would make me happier and meet more of my emotional needs. I have to for now, sacrifice that possibility for my children. Any sacrifice for them is worth more that anything in this world, even my own happiness. When they have reached 18, down to the youngest, who now is 6, then I can decide if I want to find someone else. Until then I do the best I can. I care for thier mother, the best I can. I did make a vow through sickness and in health. She stayed by me when my physical condition was at its worst, I owe it to her to do the same.[/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000][/COLOR][/B] [B][COLOR=#8b0000]Tpaul[/COLOR][/B] [/QUOTE]
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