I'm sure this happens often in difficult child families.. the stressors just get to be too much and the marriage crumbles.. I've been very happily married for 20 years.. but when our oldest started having psychiatric issues 3 years ago, all of that changed. I was the "power house" mom - traveling to all hospitals, meetings, slaving to get admissions, funding, placements, etc. Dad just beefed about the expense and shut himself down. Now that our 16 year old difficult child is back home.. it is apparent that our marriage is not what it once was. husband prefers to do his own thing and throws a fit every time anything comes up with kids that requires his time/attention. There is virtually no passion, romance or fun left in our marriage. We do work together in a family business which is stressful in and of itself.. never get to turn it off even at home. I have been sooo unhappy and depressed with marriage for past 3 years. I have been through individual counseling, couples counseling, family counseling, etc. and feel I have made positive changes. But hubby refuses to change anything and has dropped out of all counseling. He has such dispectful fits of anger toward family, that my parents refuse to see him, or visit our home ever again. Even my 16 year old difficult child said to me one day.. Mom ..you should GO..you deserve better. BUT...things are not *horrible*.. just days of neutral inattention punctuated by bits of anger and obnoxious temper tantrums by dad. Is this BETTER than splitting up and trying to secure my own personal happiness ? I know the kids are aware things aren't great... but divorce has got to be more stressful than the status quo. Their dad with his immature and vindictive nature would surely make it an ugly experience. But I imagine 8 more years until my youngest graduates from high school living like this... and it makes me cry. Any advice on how one sorts it out??