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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 650522" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Hi 10 and welcome. I am sorry for what you are going through but you are at the right place. My son also used drugs and stole from me before I kicked him out of my house. He was playing at college at the time. </p><p></p><p>Sadly we usually know the tip of the iceberg and quite frankly the details don't really matter.</p><p></p><p>We can tell what is going on by their behavior and their friends. It is very hard and grief filled to come to terms with our kids' behavior but there is truly nothing we can do or say that will change whatever they are going to do.</p><p></p><p>The best thing to do is to feel your feelings like you are doing---don't fight them just feel them---but try not to act on them. </p><p></p><p>We can't allow people who steal from us to live with us. That is a deal breaker. It is a clear line that has been crossed and we can say no more. Like you have.</p><p></p><p>It is still sad. But...your home is your sanctuary and you need that safe space especially now.</p><p></p><p>Remember this: nothing you did or didn't do caused this. </p><p></p><p>There is a saying in alanon: you didn't cause it you can't control it and you can't cure it.</p><p></p><p>Get support. Learn about letting go. What that really means. Good books are codependency no more by melodie Beattie and Boundaries by cloud and Townsend.</p><p></p><p>Go to an alanon meeting and start reading the literature there. People in alanon get it. They have been where we have been and you will grow immensely there If you will keep going and work the program. </p><p></p><p>Your daughter will have to want to change before change is possible.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting here. We are here for mutual support and we care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 650522, member: 17542"] Hi 10 and welcome. I am sorry for what you are going through but you are at the right place. My son also used drugs and stole from me before I kicked him out of my house. He was playing at college at the time. Sadly we usually know the tip of the iceberg and quite frankly the details don't really matter. We can tell what is going on by their behavior and their friends. It is very hard and grief filled to come to terms with our kids' behavior but there is truly nothing we can do or say that will change whatever they are going to do. The best thing to do is to feel your feelings like you are doing---don't fight them just feel them---but try not to act on them. We can't allow people who steal from us to live with us. That is a deal breaker. It is a clear line that has been crossed and we can say no more. Like you have. It is still sad. But...your home is your sanctuary and you need that safe space especially now. Remember this: nothing you did or didn't do caused this. There is a saying in alanon: you didn't cause it you can't control it and you can't cure it. Get support. Learn about letting go. What that really means. Good books are codependency no more by melodie Beattie and Boundaries by cloud and Townsend. Go to an alanon meeting and start reading the literature there. People in alanon get it. They have been where we have been and you will grow immensely there If you will keep going and work the program. Your daughter will have to want to change before change is possible. Keep posting here. We are here for mutual support and we care. [/QUOTE]
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